Falmouth Police Facebook – The Falmouth Police Department is seeking the location of the following subjects for their alleged involvement in the recent attempted abduction. The department has outstanding arrest warrants for Attempted Abduction, Enticing a Minor, and Conspiracy for both subjects. Do not approach this vehicle or these subjects. Please contact the police immediately.
People thought we were joking when we broke this story at 10 a.m. and already had it solved a full 6.5 hours before the police released the names and photos of the suspects. Here’s an excerpt from that 10 a.m. post…
When people from Falmouth think two creepy dudes with bandanas in a white van, they think Squirrel Brothers. These dudes have been creeping people out for years. Keep an eye out folks and don’t approach them.
Sure enough, it was the Squirrels. You put the words “bandanas, abduction, and white van” together in a sentence in a police alert in Falmouth and you are talking about the Squirrel brothers 137% of the time.
No big deal, we just solved the case before anyone else even reported it. Do we pick up our Pulitzer locally, or do they mail it to us? There’s a category for investigative reporting from a couch in boxer shorts right?
P.S. Shit, do we need to rent tuxedos for the Citizens of the Year Gala?
Facebook: The Real CapeTwitter: Hippie - Insane Tony
You have my vote!
They actually have names, like "The Monkees"….they're "The Squirrel Brothers"?
Why have I never heard of these squirrel bro's??i thought I knew all the odd balls in town like lightbulb head and that lady that used to walk around town with the elephant trunk looking eyeball hangin out of her head I'm completely out of the loop with these squirrels??
They are well-know lurkers at Stoney Beach in Woods Hole with numerous run-ins with parents.
I used to see that elderly lady every morning walking down the road on the way to school. We called her Mini One-Eye. And lightbulb!!!!
[…] even our bunny rabbits aren’t safe from abduction anymore. Did anyone check to see if the Squirrel Brothers are still in jail? They have to be the #1 suspects right? Who else would have more of a motive to […]