Make Sure You Don’t Die On Nantucket

NANTUCKET – The Lewis Funeral Home will close its doors next month after being in business on Nantucket for 135 years, leaving the island without a funeral home or embalming facility and forcing families to look to off-island funeral homes to care for the deceased, therefore raising costs

We knew it would happen eventually. Apparently the 1%, the bourgeois elite people of Nantucket have solved the mystery of eternal life. This is the only explanation for this. People just don’t die on Nantucket anymore. Just goes to show, you can do anything if you have enough money, even live forever.

P.S. Wait, if Nantucket is so wealthy why does their Funeral Home look like a 2 bedroom 1.5 bath on Craigslist for $1150 a month?