Vineyard Man Held On Attempted Murder, Gun, And Bomb Charges

Not actually his room, but I bet it’s close – A Tisbury man with a record of violent assaults was ordered held on $250,000 bail Wednesday, after his arrest on charges of attempted murder, assault, unlawful possession of weapons and and unlawful possession of an explosive device.

Police responded to a home on North Williams Street shortly after 4 am. A woman who lives there said her boyfriend, Matthew Gamache, choked her and head butted her, after they argued about turning off a television.

Police seized 24 guns, thousands of rounds of ammunition, and several pounds of black powder, most of it stored behind a locked door fastened shut with wood screws.

Police also found a small cylinder wrapped in duct tape, with a green cord of fuse-like material sticking out from the top, according to the police report.

Quite a few of you have sent me this article saying “Hey Hippie, why haven’t you written about this dude, he’s violent and hurt other people, he passes your test, he’s fair game”.

Yeah well, let me tell you about my second test. If a person gets caught with more than 20 guns, over one pound of black powder and any number of home made bombs then they are no longer in my wheelhouse. I may be an asshole, but I’m not stupid.

What I am about to say comes with a staunch history of not condoning violence of any kind, but let’s have real talk for a second. If your boyfriend has a room with so many weapons in it that he screws the door shut? Then you need to be much pickier about the battles you decide to fight. You just don’t argue petty things like whether or not to turn off the T.V.

“On, off, I don’t care, whichever you prefer honey” is literally the only play in that argument when you are dating the fucking Unabomber. There is simply no television program worth risking getting bombed over. Well maybe Game of Thrones but that’s not even in season.

So I would like to close this out by saying that I am sure this is all a big misunderstanding. I am sure Mathew Gamache is a wonderful person and a doting boyfriend. I can only hope that he is fully exonerated of these heinous accusations and finds it in himself to kindly remove me from any and all kill lists he may have.

kill list

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