Two Reports Of Illness At Octobers Wellfleet Oyster Festival – We Call Bullshit

WL – There were two reports of illness from food eaten at the festival but whether the illness was caused by vibrio, a bacterium sometimes found in shellfish, or overindulgence has not been determined, although the latter is suspected.

Hay said one individual who got sick ate 47 oysters, plus some shellfish and “other stuff.” There was not, he said, “a definite traceability back to vibrio.”

Harry Terkanian, town administrator, said another person ate 36 oysters, plus a lobster roll.

What got them sick “has not been determined”. I just puked reading that and I can determine exactly why. Because homeboy ate FORTY SEVEN OYSTERS. I don’t care if you are half sea turtle, that many oysters will make you sick 100% of the time. At least the other guy had the decency to throw a lobster roll in there.

More importantly it’s a miracle these guys didn’t get arrested for indecency. After 47 oysters I would be humping peoples legs like a Boston Terrier in heat. Poor guys wife was probably limping around for a week after the festival.

You know how if there is a long blackout there’s always a bunch of babies born nine months later? I wonder if Wellfleet’s birth rate jumps nine months after The Oyster Festival? I’d have to think there’s a healthy amount of fornication going on that weekend.