Statistics Say Boston Area Households Spend 80% More On Booze Than The U.S. Average

CapeCodToday.com – While incomes are higher in Massachusetts compared to other states, so are spending rates. Boston-area households spent an average of 28 percent more in 2011-2012 than the average level for the typical U.S. household, according to new government statistics.

Boston area households also spent more on alcohol, $813, than the national average of $454.

This is a prime example of one of those “no shit Sherlock” situations when it comes to government studies. They could have saved a ton of time and money if they had just spent five minutes around here instead of compiling statistics.

The most impressive part of these numbers is that we are doing this in a place that has some of the strictest booze laws in the country. Can you imagine what the numbers would be if we had laws more like Vegas or Fort Lauderdale?

If Massholes could walk down the street with happy hour priced fishbowls full of booze it would be game over. I once spent a week in Fort Lauderdale for Insane Tony’s wedding. By the time I got home I was flat broke, my girlfriend at the time hated my guts and I had a wine glass stem lodged in my foot because I stuck my flip flop in the mashed potatoes at the reception.

I think it’s safe to say that if our hometown had those same booze laws we’d also have a life expectancy of about 23 years. So instead of taking this study as a sign of geographic alcohol problems, we should look on the bright side and realize that while we are almost doubling the national booze average, it could be much worse. We could all live in Florida and wake up dead on our 23rd birthday.