CapeCodToday – The Yarmouth Police Department together with the Yarmouth Police Relief Association will host the 4th Annual Yarmouth Police ‘Blue Ball Open’ Racquetball Tournament this weekend at the Cove at Yarmouth Resort located at 183 Route 28 in West Yarmouth.

The problem with tournaments like these is you always come so close. You get in a groove and you think that you really have a chance to win. Then after all the energy and effort you put in, just when you think you are about to get what you came for, something happens and you don’t end up with the trophy. That’s the way it always seems to go at the Blue Ball Tournament. So anti-climactic.

P.S. 4th annual? I mean blue balls once is bad enough, but to keep doing it again year after year?

We all have that neighbor that we can’t stand, the one we wave to on the street while muttering insults through our clenched teeth wrapped in a patronizing smile, but it never goes any further than making fun of them at the dinner table and maybe letting your dog piss in their bushes.

But today we have the story of Mary C. Dolencie, who went next level on her neighbors. Apparently she was at odds with them over the amount of cats that she owned (crazy cat lady alert!). Mary died in 1985 and she did NOT go gently into that good night.

Here is what Mary left on the other side of her tombstone:

May eternal damnation be
Upon those in Whaling Port.
Who, without knowing me,
Have maliciously vilified me.
May the curse of God
Be upon them and theirs.

Not one thing about any single aspect of her life, just eternal damnation and the curse of god for the people of Whaling Port. This is chiseled into stone. This is not a game, this bitch means BUSINESS! If you are from Whaling Port Village you have to live the rest of your life with your head on a swivel. Shutter the windows, lock the doors and load the shot gun folks, you guys are fucked.

And if you should ever meet anyone from Whaling Port Village… run. Run as fast as you can, you don’t want to be collateral damage when Mary strikes. Any minute they could be struck by lightning, engulfed in flames, shit Mary could send a sharknado and Ian Ziering might not be there with his chainsaw to cut you out of Jaws’ belly.

Who knows what Mary is capable of from beyond the grave, and I for one am steering clear of all things Whaling Port Village for fear of finding out.

P.S. If the over/under on how many cats Mary had is set at 47 do you take the over or the under?

PROVINCETOWN — A Provincetown native wears a dapper hat with a feather stuck in its side and smiles as he drains a can of beer on a bench in front of Town Hall one morning in late October. He’s recently been released from a three-year stint in prison and is homeless. He and two other men have been living in what can be considered a small tent village on the beach behind the post office. The chill in the air doesn’t bother him yet — he’s got a gas heater to keep warm and a grill for cooking.

The problem, he says, is that there’s nowhere for the homeless in Provincetown to go — and he sure doesn’t want to stay in the shelter in Hyannis — so what’s a man to do?

Is this the bizarro world? Am I taking crazy pills? “The problem he says, is that there’s nowhere for the homeless in Provincetown to go”??? Bro that is the definition of being homeless. You have no home. Once you make the decision to be devoid of a home and become homeless you are signing on to have nowhere to go.

If you did have a place to go, I don’t know, say a HOME. Then by definition you would not be a homeless person. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, quit being so selfish. You can’t call yourself homeless AND have a home. Shit doesn’t work that way. You don’t see me calling myself a double amputee while flaunting my two perfectly good legs in your face running marathons and shit do you?

P.S. You wear a dapper hat with a feather in it’s side while smiling and drinking a beer in front of Town Hall in Provincetown. Somewhere some guy laying in sewage drinking his own piss under a bridge in the Bronx is reading this article because it’s printed on his blanket and he is cursing your wussy ass Cape Cod homeless name.

While Boston voters were electing a new Mayor and West Tisbury’s town meeting debated marijuana dispensary zoning, Falmouth Elks also voted Tuesday — to shut down the club’s Facebook page. According to a post on that page Wednesday morning: “At last nights House committee meeting the Exalted Ruler ask the house committee to shut down the Falmouth Elks Face Book page. A motion was made to do so. And the motion passed. This page will be shut down when the administrator receives official notice in writing.”

So they are arguing about who gets to control the Elks Facebook page? And they need a motion? This is the world we live in? They need a meeting and a motion and paperwork needs to be filed to shut down a Facebook page that announces Fish Fries and Meat Raffles? But wait! Public outcry!

• “Certainly shows pettiness on behalf of the administrator. What a shame to see in an organization that does such good things in our town. The administrator should be ashamed.”

• “may I ask why this was requested? Social Media is the wave of the future. It allows us the ability to connect with the public for our charitable works as well as networking with other lodges to expand our resources.”

• “What a shame. I always enjoy seeing what is happening. Sounds like a control issue to me. You have over 600 of us that like the page. Over 400 talking about it. As with all groups, you need a good administrator monitoring the page and deleting anything inappropriate.”

• “as in all things in Elkdom, this can surely come to a reasonable conclusion with a little cooperation and understanding. I pray the Falmouth Lodge works this out, maybe with some help of a mediator. All the best to you all!”

• “this is crazy.”

• “The administrator is the one who has made the inappropriate posts.”

• “Wouldn’t it be technically the “membership” decision and not the HC?”

• “Change the administrator!”

• “You are only hearing about this TODAY because this is the day the Admin CHOSE to SHARE. POWER OF SOCIAL MEDIA.”

• “Face Book is a way for out of area Elks members to see what we are doing and make connections.”

• “Are committees and Chairpersons still appointed by the Exalted Ruler? Why would the ER need to put such a request in writing. Seriously….? Run for a position and get ELECTED TO IT if you want CONTROL.”

I think that one commenter hit the nail on the head with the “this is crazy” comment. Are we in High School here? Isn’t the Elks a long standing institution? Now they are quibbling over who gets to make some status updates on a Facebook Page? They are like that annoying couple you play Trivial Pursuit with and all they do is argue over who gets to ask the question. “I want to ask, you asked the last one… wah wah wah”… WHO GIVES A SHIT! Then there is this:

• “Are committees and Chairpersons still appointed by the Exalted Ruler? Why would the ER need to put such a request in writing. Seriously….? Run for a position and get ELECTED TO IT if you want CONTROL.”

Wait just a minute. From what this person is saying I am gathering some member just went rogue and established himself as the administrator of the page without going through any proper channels and that’s why the Elks want control of it? My god man don’t you know what a breach of protocol like this could lead to? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! (source)

P.S. Who does this guy think he is defying the Exalted Ruler? Don’t people get water boarded for shit like that?

TRURO — Truro’s special town meeting was postponed indefinitely Tuesday night after a meager public turnout failed to produce a quorum.