Ever notice that church people can act just like crazy homeless people and nobody cares? Seriously, if these pastors were homeless they would have been arrested two seconds into this operation.

“Harwich police”

“Yeah this is Linda from Dunkin’, there are crazy homeless people rubbing dirt on peoples faces in our parking lot”

*sounds of squealing tires and sirens immediately emanate from the receiver…

What a sad day for religion. Nothing worse than being so desperate that you’ve been relegated to Dunkin’ Donuts’ sloppy seconds. An incredible fall from grace if you think about it. In a few hundred years the church has gone from ruling the world to asking people if they want a side of ashface with their coffee at Dunkin’ Funkin’ Donuts.

thanks to Paula for the tip

So as the resident music expert here at Real Cape Headquarters I feel the need to chime in on our boy, local musician Jimmy D’s recent bad luck. This guy is as about as fuckin awesome as they come in case you have been under a pile of clam bellies and haven’t heard. So if you are that person and suffer from clam belly pile syndrome, let me fill you in.

Last Friday morning Jimmy rolled out to his car to head to work, and realized some ass clown, piece of shit, heartless wench, fuck face had stolen over 2 G’s worth of his equipment. So this is when his special lady friend Erica took a stand. She started a fundraising push on the site www.fundme.com, to help raise some cash so Jimmy could replace his stolen equipment. Little did either one of them know what was ahead in the next few hours.The donations started pouring in like beers at a Real Cape meeting. In just 5 hours there had been 2,300 raised on the site, as of this this morning it is up over 4 G’s. Still not sure what to do with the extra $ , he said he may use the overflow to help record his album or donate it to a local charity.

There is a bigger picture to come out of this unfortunate event.This minor act of doucheness by some random ass donkey. It has shown how much awesome sauce is pouring all over the music scene here on good ol’ Cape Cod. To see the community come together for Sir Jimmy makes me really feel all squishy inside. This takes me back to the summer of ’13 and the saga of” Local Crapgate.” Where a certain restaurant posted on the Facebook “What a crazy night at the *#$&#*..downstairs is packed listening to the incredible “Bat” and up its Hypercane rocking the house.. Boston Bruins favorite band.. and the !$@%^&..where you see Quality Entertainment from Boston and beyond..not the local crap!”( full story) Boy did that Face post catch the wrath of the local powers that be.

Growing up here I am sure at some point we all have said or thought “Fuck , this place sucks”.(you are lying if you say you have never said/thought this) Then these two stories are just two little reminders of how great of a place this crazy filled peninsula is. But hey, THIS IS OUR CRAZY FILLED PENINSULA!

P.S Who ever did steal Jimmy D’s shit we will not forget. Our Real Cape detective team is on it. Don’t let us catch ya. Turn yourself in.

P.s.s- If any pawn shops in New Bedford read this, give us a call when the thieves show up to sell Jimmy’s equipment.

CapeCodToday.com – On this day in 1639, the town of Barnstable was incorporated as a municipality, one of three towns established on the Cape that year, along with Sandwich and Yarmouth.

The first group of settlers of European descent to live in Barnstable were led by the Rev. John Lothrop, a Congregational minister who had been imprisoned in England and emigrated to America with two dozen followers.

The new town would be named – and misspelled – after its sister town of Barnstaple in England.

Well, well, well, would you look at that? Barnstable was founded by a guy who did time. Looks like John Lothrop, besides having the most old timey European settler name ever, was also the original Cape Cod criminal. I guess Hy-Town has been a haven for ex cons ever since day one.

Great day for the Hy-Town hood rats though. From now on they can say that they’re just trying to pay homage to their founding father. Forget about “keeping it real”, Barnstable gangstas are “keeping it Lothrop”.

P.S. Absolutely hysterical that he misspelled Barnstaple, I bet John Lothrop wore saggy jeans and Ed Hardy shirts to the saloon.

CL – Seeking wrestling actors $100 an hour

Seeking slim/muscled males for pro style wrestling. No experience needed and it is a laid back, low pressure environment. Payment starts at $100 per filmed hour.

What the hell? How was Insane Tony not immediately contac… oh wait, slim/muscled? Right.

Anyways, this seems like a great opportunity for all you aspiring WWE wrestlers struggling to find your big break on Cape Cod. $100 per hour isn’t too shabby. Unfortunately there is no chance whatsoever that this match doesn’t turn into a sword fight.

Talk about an emotional roller coaster. One minute you’ve got the entire world in a figure four leg lock and the next thing you know you’re playing tummy sticks with The Iron Sheik while some random dude from Craigslist films it with an iPhone 3.

P.S. It’s really too bad about the slim/muscled thing because Insane Tony would really be perfect for either scenario.

CapeCodOnline.com – The National Park Service says there were nearly 10.5 million visitors to national parks in Massachusetts in 2012.

Those visitors spent more than $500 million, helping support about 6,500 jobs.

The Cape Cod National Seashore, one of more than a dozen national parks in Massachusetts, accounted for nearly one-third of those visitors. More than 3 million people visited, spending about $158 million.

The Boston National Historical Park — which includes Faneuil Hall, the Old South Meeting House, the Paul Revere House and the Old North Church — had 2.6 million visitors. They spent about $141 million.

Oh no biggie, just Cape Cod stomping all over Boston. Looks like we have irrefutable proof who rules the roost in Massachusetts. All of you people in the big city who look down on The Cape like a little brother are eating your words today. Looks like the little brother hit a growth spurt and straight bitch slapped you Beantown.

Faneuil Hall, Paul Revere House and friends think they’re hot shit with their 2.6 million visitors? Well wait just a Minuteman, look who’s over the 3 mil mark. Boston is just so cute with its big buildings, tunnels and international airport. Meanwhile Cape Cod is just quietly going about its business like a boss and attracting millions of people from all over the world. We might as well throw the State House on a flatbed and start hauling it down 495 because we all know where the real capital of Massachusetts is.

P.S. The fact that our National Seashore is far and away the most visited park in the state, yet every year there’s a fight over whether or not we should send our own students there is Cape Cod in a nutshell.

P.P.S. I’m sorry about that Minuteman joke, I don’t know what came over me.