The Brazen Belles Are Back With A Performance This Thursday

bbelles

Come kick off the start of The Brazen Belles monthly residency this Thursday night at the Beach House in North Falmouth! It will be a one act, 75 minutes of seduction, wit, comedy and of course a whole lotta Sass!

Click Here for our full review of the Belles.

Tickets sold at Eight Cousins Book Store in Falmouth and online by CLICKING HERE.

Special music from the talented Daniel Byrnes Band to follow the show!

(Gotta have the obligatory Ham Sandwich pic)

hamwich

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Brewster Man Ordered To Stay Away From Taylor Swift’s Home

tswift

CapeCodOnline.com – A Brewster man has been ordered to stay away from Taylor Swift’s vacation home on the Rhode Island shore.

The Westerly Sun reports that 38-year-old Daniel Cole was summoned before a state judge on Friday. Police say he ignored previous warnings not to trespass at Swift’s mansion in the Watch Hill section of Westerly.

Cole pleaded not guilty to trespassing and disorderly conduct charges. A Wakefield District Court judge issued a no-contact order and released Cole on his own recognizance.

Westerly police say Cole blocked the driveway to Swift’s home with his pickup truck Dec. 9 and was escorted off the property. Police say he returned Dec. 21 and struggled with police while refusing to leave. Cole did not respond to a message seeking comment Monday.

Taylor Swift? Why would a 38 year old guy be stalking that baby giraffe? When she walks her knees probably sound like castanets clacking together, and what’s with that bathing suit? She looks like she’s wearing her grandmother’s two piece in that photo for god’s sake.

If you’re going to stalk a celebrity why would you pick a prude that gets dumped by a new guy every 5 seconds? Go for some hot, scandalous action like Rihanna or something bro. While T Swift is singing about all the guys that ditched her, Ri Ri has Drake and Chris Brown throwing bottles of Cristal across the club at each other over her. You know that’s some prime action if dude’s are trashing the VIP room.

This guy is giving Cape Cod a bad name on a national stage. I mean come on guy, step up your stalking game will ya? It’s a good thing Brewster is a close second to Harwich in the race for the crown of Cape towns that nobody can find on a map anyway.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Cape Cod Craigslist Ad Of The Day – Tuesday’s Straight Feet?

craigs

CL – Hi guys, it is Tuesday, and I am raging horny. I have a terrible hunger for some male bonding. If you have an incredible hunger as well, I am your man. I am looking for an amazingly hot straight guy to satisfy my huge appetite. I will satisfy you big time, I promise. All I am really asking is that you be incredibly good looking, straight, disease free, and be between the age of 23 to 42. I am a nice looking Hyannis guy, but I expect you to be SMOKING HOT. And not only can I suck you off, but, have you ever had your feet sucked? I am really good at that and will suck everyone of your toes. I can host and travel and this posting is good from the early morning hours of Tuesday, throughout the rest of the day. Who is going to satisfy my appetite? Who is going to take their socks off?

I get sent a few ads just like this a week and I never bother with them because I am not homophobic at all. I love the gays, I even went on a date with a gay guy once (by accident) when I lived in San Francisco. That’s an entirely different post for another time though.

With that said, and with my staunch record of pro gayness in mind, I just have to point something out. What planet are these guys from where they think they are straight, but for some strange reason they just feel like having a little dick because it happens to be Tuesday? Oh and yeah, I’m looking for another smoking hot guy who is straight, but just feels like getting head from a dude, you know, ’cause it’s Tuesday… wait, what?

Is there some kind of charade that the gays don’t tell us about? When they say straight in this situation do they just mean closeted, but queer as a 43 dollar bill, or are there actually men out there who blow other guys just on Tuesdays and think that they are straight Wednesday to Monday? Is it possible to only be gay one day a week? Was Andrew “Dice” Clay wrong?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

How Not to Meet Your Neighbors

I hate moving. I hate packing, I hate lifting shit and the mere thought of hanging a picture or getting into a UHaul truck is enough to make me vomit. That’s why I make my Mexican friend do it for me – they like that stuff.

As is the case with most of us, I’ve moved around quite a bit in my early adult life and met some pretty interesting characters along the way. In true Glitter Ginger fashion, most introductions and run-ins were awkward and occasionally involved the cops.

I moved into my fabulous studio apartment this past December, which is in a complex containing roughly 100 units per building. All of the doors look exactly the same but have your unit number on the outside.

So naturally, while returning from my run a little before 6am one cold, January morning, I accidentally broke into my neighbor’s apartment…while wearing a reflective vest and head lamp.

How does something like this happen, you ask? Well..I was 1-still new to the building 2- it was 5:45 in the morning so I wasn’t fully awake yet 3- I was freezing and cranky since it was freakin’ January and I had just made a sad, sad attempt at a 5 mile run and 4- I’m dumb.

I walked down the hall and put my key into what I thought was my apartment door, and it wouldn’t unlock. I began kicking the door and swearing in a full-on Ginger fury panic for at least 30 seconds until, much to my surprise, someone opened the door from the other side, while screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

I jumped, screamed and looked up at the very angry, tired and irritated 45 year old man who lives in unit 34. I live in unit 36. I completely forgot I had my head lamp on (safety first when running in the dark; the last thing I need is to be hit by a fucking truck) so when I looked up I shined it in his eyes.

Mind you, this was still well before 6am. He threw his hands in front of his eyes to shield them from my forehead beacon while sternly saying “what the hell do you want!?”

“Oh my god, I’m SO SORRY. I live next door and thought this was my apartment! I’m so sorry”

“It’s fine – just go away. And shot off your head lamp”

Door slam.

I have probably made this same mistake at least once a week for the last two months. This man literally hates me and if I ever go missing I can pretty much guarantee it’s because my neighbor strangled me out of frustration due to my constant attempts at breaking into his apartment.

To the man living in apartment 34:

Sir, I am incredibly sorry. I’d like to be able to tell you that these mix ups will stop happening but I just can’t promise that. Mostly because I never pay attention to what I’m doing, but what I can do is perhaps put some sort of decoration on my door so I know where I live. Like a crown or I dunno, a Leonardo Dicaprio poster.

Sincerely, Glitter Ginger.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

The King And Queen Of Kale

real cape kale soup cook off

Thank you to all the people that came out to The Beach House for the Kale Soup Cook Off yesterday. It was an absolute blast with a great crowd of great people.

Without further ado here are the winners:

Pros

Amateurs

  • 1st Place – Ma’s Cape Cod Kale Soup
  • 2nd Place – Grandma Grassies

Special thanks to…
Teaticket market
Kaleidoscope Toys
Eight Cousins
Kappys
Board stiff
SportClips
Ben and Bills
The Brazen Belles
Insane Tony
Glitter Ginger
John Beninghof
Daniel Byrnes
Teaticket PTA
Chris McGilvray from Magic Wing Sound
Katie Meyer
Gina Palanza
Pat Bonzagni and the entire Beach House Staff

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Oh College..

Roommates

My childhood best friend and I went to college together by accident. She was being recruited for soccer and I was honestly just putting stamps on envelopes that my mother had pre-filled with applications. I pretty much decided to go to the first school that accepted me. Turns out my bestie had a similar attitude and off we went to Southern New Hampshire University.

The girl in which my bestie had been matched to cohabitate with, full on decorated the room in Care Bear and Lord of the Rings memorabilia. She also sold kitchen knives. Like, for a living. That would be cool if you were, I dunno, a fucking ninja, but not if you’re knocking on doors pushing shit to house wives.

Luckily, my roommate wasn’t into kitchen weaponry and we got along great. That was until she came home black out one night, fell and hit her head. I got super scared because honestly, we all know that if someone’s college roommate is going to die straight up Lifetime Original Movie style, it’d be mine. So I borrowed someone’s car and brought her to the ER.

Turned out homegirl had a real bad concussion and since she was underage, (and clearly white girl wasted as she was drooling on herself and hitting on the homeless black man next to us who I’m fairly confident had worms living in his foot), the hospital called her parents. Long story short the roommate ended up weird hating me after the hospital incident because I “ruined her life” or some shit – all I know is bitch got mad, I didn’t care and BOOM Glitter Ginger has a single in the nicer dorm across campus.

Surprise Bathroom Guests

I made the idiotic mistake of beginning my college career while in a “really serious” relationship. This meant that I almost never left my room my freshmen or sophomore year unless it was to roll my way to the cafeteria or attend class. And even then I only made it 40% of the time.

Said boyfriend and I broke up midway through my junior year and I was ready to partayyyyy.

I was also the first of my roommates to turn 21 which means I made friends with rando’s and invited myself to the bar. This almost always ended in me getting a ride home from the guy who sold sausages on the street corner or the Papa John’s delivery man. Whatever, it’s basically the same thing as Uber, just with snacks soo fuck off.

So much weird shit happened my junior year, I honestly don’t even know where to begin or what stories to share. One time I made my new roommate, who was a super straight-edge and probably hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol before, take massive bong rips. About 10 minutes later she demanded to be brought to the hospital and took her pants off while shoving white bread in her mouth. I couldn’t be bothered and told her to quit ruining my high. We don’t really talk anymore..

One time, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and found a strange man unconscious on our toilet with all of our butter knives and a jar of peanut butter.

I’m literally not even kidding. I quietly shut the door and went to wake my roommates up to see if perhaps he was a guest or they knew who the rando was on the shitter eating all the peanut butter. They didn’t, so I bravely volunteered to be the one to wake him up and tell him to get the fuck out. He did, and for some strange reason that we never figured out took all of our tampons with him. Like, I lived with four other chicks, that’s A LOT of fucking twat cotton.

Fucking New Hampshire…

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Kale Soup Cook Off Is Tomorrow – Get Your Tickets Now!

real cape kale soup cook off

OK folks the time is almost upon us for what is sure to be the event of the winter. We’ve got 30 kinds of Kale Soup from across The Cape to be judged by you the people, live music from Daniel Byrnes and John Beninghof with blues phenom Aaron Norcross to follow, raffles, prizes and other surprises lined up for you to revel in. The Real Cape Kale Soup Cook Off is going down at The Beach House in North Falmouth tomorrow at 12 noon and it all benefits the Teaticket Elementary PTO.

We highly recommend getting your tickets online now. There will be some tickets at the door but you will have to wait in line, so if you plan on coming make sure to get tix in advance to guarantee that you will get right into the event without a wait. (Kids under 12 are free)

Special thanks to…
Teaticket market
Kaleidoscope Toys
Eight Cousins
Kappys
Board stiff
SportClips
Ben and Bills

Believe us when we tell you that you are going to want to witness this landmark event and help us crown the Cape Cod King or Queen of Kale! Tickets can be purchased with the form below:

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony