Wow! Someone Finally Put Together A Cape Cod List That Isn’t Terrible!

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We have a history of calling out websites that create “best of” lists for Cape Cod. Some are cliche, some are too subjective and many are so downright ridiculous that it’s obvious that the writer has never even been here. It all started with our now famous correction of Buzzfeeds list of “Signs You Spent Summer’s On Cape Cod“, which we fixed to reflect people who actually spend more than ten minutes here. Since then we’ve tackled quite a few lists and we are amazed at the ineptitude of each one. Until now.

New England Boating has put together a list of Great Cape Cod Day Trips By Boat, and it is actually a fantastic list. So much so that I almost didn’t want to post it so these places end up more crowded. We won’t go through the entire list so we highly recommend you read the original article by CLICKING HERE.

We will however prove it’s worth just by revealing numbers one and two on the list.

1. Cuttyhunk

Cuttyhunk is the western most of the Elizabeth islands so it takes a while to get there, but it’s worth the trip for sure. You can tie up to a multitude of public moorings or pilings for short money. On the island there are trails that bring you up high onto the west facing bluffs that are still dotted with concrete bunker style gun turrets left over from wars that bring you back to a different era. It’s really a great place to explore.

There is a relaxed and festive atmosphere and everyone is very friendly. One of the coolest part is the fresh oyster and raw bar boat that comes around to each moored boat and shucks your shellfish right there while they are rafted up to you. There is absolutely no way anyone could argue Cuttyhunk topping this list.

2. Washburn Island

I could go on forever about Washburn Island. (Please not that there is no “s” in Washburn, this is one of the most common annunciation mistakes on Cape Cod.) Washburn has ten well groomed campsites atop a small bluff, each has it’s own staircase and section of beach. There are also clean solar powered toilets and new for this year are fire pits at each site.

The atmosphere out there simply can not be beat. Everyone ends up partying with everyone else. I spend 10 days every summer on this island so I may be a little biased. In fact, I shit you not, I am publishing this article via my phone from Washburn right now. I will prove this in a moment by putting a photo on Facebook.

One of the best parts of Washburn is that while it is a secluded island that can only be reached by boat. If you run out of beer you can get to the mainland, hit a liquor store and be back within 20 minutes. There aren’t many island campsites with that type of convenience.

So to wrap this up, we say kudos to you New England Boating. You have succeeded in putting together a list of things to do on Cape Cod that is just as true for lifers as it is washashores.

CLICK HERE for the entire article.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Keller Williams Is Soon! We Teamed Up With Naukabout To Take It To The Next Level

keller

Our Keller Williams show is coming up soon and we’ve got a few developments to share. First off we are excited to announce that we are teaming up with Naukabout Beer. The guys from Naukabout will be there with samples of their two newest brews, White Cap IPA and Lighthouse Ale. These two beers are so new you can’t even get them yet, that’s just how we roll.

We will be giving out free The Real Cape and Naukabout swag throughout the night, and as always the fun police will be nowhere in sight. The Real Cape and Naukabout together? Who knows what will happen at a RealNauk party!?

But wait! I am sure some of you are saying, but Hippie, what about Moe playing that same night at The Melody Tent? Don’t worry we have you covered. We talked to Keller and he’s going to go on at 10 p.m. which will give everyone time to get from the Moe show to Pufferbellies. It is 1.6 miles away. Oh wait, There will be a Keller show immediately following a Moe show only 1.6 miles down the road? Yes, but there’s more. Even though day of tickets will be $20, if you show your Moe ticket at the door to the Keller show you will be given the tix at the $15 pre sale price.

It’s Keller Williams on Cape Cod. It’s $15 if you buy the tickets in advance. We are putting our money where our mouth is and taking back Cape Cod. And we are doing it as cheaply as possible for you. I’d say find one of us and buy us a beer but we think of everything. Naukabout is taking care of that for you. It’s the no brainer to end all no brainers!

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

When and When Not to be Nice: Mostly Never

My parents raised me to be nice to everyone. I was taught to always treat everyone the same, kill people with kindness and NEVER be rude. I like to think that I’m what can be classified as a “nice girl”, like…78% of the time.

Politeness is huge for me, and I can’t stand rude people. I am the girl that will sit at a table and eat a meal that I find absolutely repulsive while secretly vomiting into a napkin when your mother isn’t looking, all with a smile on my face while telling her how delicious it is and asking for the recipe.

I once walked around for an entire day wearing a disgusting leopard top that was about 9 sizes too small for me with a matching crystal necklace that had a fucking cheetah paw on it, because my ex-boyfriends mother gave it to me for Christmas.

Some people may call that fake, but I call it being a nice girl. That woman went out of her way to buy me a gift. If walking around like a hobo for the day makes her feel good about her heinous shopping choices, I’ll do it. Then, when an appropriate amount of time has passed I’ll invite her shopping and show her how to buy things for me that don’t make me want to commit suicide.

I’m also REALLY bad at brushing a guy off when he hits on me. Not that it happens often, but I absolutely hate when someone gets embarrassed or feels rejected. So I’ll awkwardly giggle or pretend I have to go to the bathroom or tell them I have AIDS. Not kidding.

Guy: Hey what’s up – you’re way to pretty to be sitting here by yourself..

Me:

Although I am a very polite, nice person..there are times when even I find it appropriate to be mean and occasionally rude. For example:

When a guy isn’t taking your polite brush off’s and won’t leave you alone. Listen, bro, I’ve told you about 6 different ways that I’m not interested, now back the fuck down before I take out my pepper spray and show you why they call me the Ginja Ninja. Thankfully, girl code always states that you have a signature “help me” face – so I’m always saved before the weapons come out.

If I ever find myself in a situation where I just can’t hide behind a fake smile and laugh then I just pretend I’m sleeping. Or really drunk. That way if someone decides to bring it up later on you blame it on not being coherent.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Bitch vs. Betch

I will be the first person to correct anyone who misuses the word ‘Bitch’. Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a time and a place when it’s acceptable to be a bitch, i.e. the workplace, because 90% of the time we are presented with no other option than to be a down right heartless bitch.

That word, however, has a COMPLETELY separate meaning from that of a ‘Betch’, which I proudly proclaim myself as. Here are a few examples to further clarify;

When trying to justify why someone may not like them: 

Bitch view – “fuck everyone and what they think because I hate them all and their opinions don’t mean shit” 

Betch view –“I honestly just feel bad, like for THEM, because that means I won’t be around, which means their life is going to suck, and I obviously don’t want that” #worldpeace

When they get dumped:

Bitch view – “what an ASSHOLE! I can’t even believe I wasted my time”

Betch view – “Wait, we were dating?”

When it’s snowing outside and your sister asks you to go to the store and get food for the family (and by food I mean more wine):

Bitch view – “Yeah, I’m not leaving”

Betch view – She doesn’t say anything, she just texts her latest hook up and exchanges a handy-j for food and booze

When you catch the guy you’ve been sleeping with at the bar with another girl:

Bitch view – “He’s fucking dead”

Betch view – “I’ll have a vodka soda please. And also a side of Jack Daniels and maybe a sharp object of some sort. And also, are you single?”

Don’t be confused: Bitches get shit done. Betches also get shit done, they just have other people get it done for them.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Low Cost Rabies Shots In Brewster – Is That A Good Idea?

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CapeCodToday.com – A low cost rabies clinic will be held on Saturday, June 28 from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. at the Animal Rescue League of Boston’s Brewster Shelter, 3981 Main Street (Route 6A) in Brewster.

The event, organized by the ARL-Boston, will be held rain or shine.

All cats must be in carriers and all dogs must be leashed.

Rabies vaccinations will be administered for $10. Your pet may be eligible for a 3-year vaccine with proof of a current one-year vaccine administered between 6/28/13 and 9/28/13. Cash and checks will be accepted.

Life teaches people a lot of hard lessons, and one of the lessons I’ve learned is that there are three things that you just don’t skimp on. Let’s go through the list.

1. Do not skimp on Socks – There is nothing worse than a crappy pair of socks. If your feet aren’t comfortable, you aren’t comfortable, simple as that. Oh and we all know that when an elastic goes and a sock becomes a quitter it is only a matter of time before you go legitimately insane.

2. Do not skimp on Cheese – You absolutely need to go with a real cheese if you have any respect for the fromage game. A generic brand cheese is going to taste like rubberized water with a touch of goat semen. Whether we are talking about a pecorino romano, a sharp cheddar or a smoked gouda, a brand name cheese will always be 10 times better than some store brand crap. NOWHERE is this more evident than when it comes to string cheese. When it comes to string cheese there is Polly-O and there is cow piss.

3. Do NOT skimp on Rabies Vaccinations – Do you know what the treatment for rabies is? 827 shots (give or take) with a 17″ needle (estimated) into the stomach (I think) over a 3 week (maybe shorter) time period. Why would anyone seek a cheap alternative to prevent such a thing? When someone asks you if you want the regular rabies shot or the one off the clearance rack, I highly recommend you go with the regular.

P.S. Tattoo’s are a close 4th, you definitely shouldn’t ever get a tattoo because someone offered to do it super cheap. Hookers round out the top 5 of things you shouldn’t skimp on but that’s another post for another time.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Huge Great White Shark Spotted In Cape Cod Bay – VIDEO

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Well it looks like my irrational fear of sharks isn’t so irrational after all. For those of you new to this site I’ve documented this growing fear here, here, and here. We’ve learned in those posts that there are hundreds of millions of sharks, that they live 50 years longer than we ever thought and have old man strength, and that sometimes they walk right onto land.

We also know that there are enough seals around the Cape at this point to create an all you can eat buffet for Great Whites. When you combine all of these things together there is only one logical conclusion. SWIMMING POOLS.

Here is the video, now who wants to go for a swim?

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony