When and When Not to be Nice: Mostly Never

My parents raised me to be nice to everyone. I was taught to always treat everyone the same, kill people with kindness and NEVER be rude. I like to think that I’m what can be classified as a “nice girl”, like…78% of the time.

Politeness is huge for me, and I can’t stand rude people. I am the girl that will sit at a table and eat a meal that I find absolutely repulsive while secretly vomiting into a napkin when your mother isn’t looking, all with a smile on my face while telling her how delicious it is and asking for the recipe.

I once walked around for an entire day wearing a disgusting leopard top that was about 9 sizes too small for me with a matching crystal necklace that had a fucking cheetah paw on it, because my ex-boyfriends mother gave it to me for Christmas.

Some people may call that fake, but I call it being a nice girl. That woman went out of her way to buy me a gift. If walking around like a hobo for the day makes her feel good about her heinous shopping choices, I’ll do it. Then, when an appropriate amount of time has passed I’ll invite her shopping and show her how to buy things for me that don’t make me want to commit suicide.

I’m also REALLY bad at brushing a guy off when he hits on me. Not that it happens often, but I absolutely hate when someone gets embarrassed or feels rejected. So I’ll awkwardly giggle or pretend I have to go to the bathroom or tell them I have AIDS. Not kidding.

Guy: Hey what’s up – you’re way to pretty to be sitting here by yourself..

Me:

Although I am a very polite, nice person..there are times when even I find it appropriate to be mean and occasionally rude. For example:

When a guy isn’t taking your polite brush off’s and won’t leave you alone. Listen, bro, I’ve told you about 6 different ways that I’m not interested, now back the fuck down before I take out my pepper spray and show you why they call me the Ginja Ninja. Thankfully, girl code always states that you have a signature “help me” face – so I’m always saved before the weapons come out.

If I ever find myself in a situation where I just can’t hide behind a fake smile and laugh then I just pretend I’m sleeping. Or really drunk. That way if someone decides to bring it up later on you blame it on not being coherent.