I knew the turkey situation on Cape Cod was bad, but I had no idea it was to the point where they are roaming the streets in gangs trying to carjack mail trucks. Who do these pricks think they are? No wonder the pilgrims wiped them off the face of the peninsula. It wasn’t because of Thanksgiving, they knew that they were a menace to society.

Why exactly are we not doing anything about this? If there were packs of any other animal roaming the streets so brazenly that they were attacking moving vehicles, there would be a task force and SWAT team sent out to destroy them. Do these turkeys have naked photos of someone’s wife or something? I want them dead, I want their families dead, I want their nests (or whatever they live in) burned to the ground, and I want to piss on the ashes.

P.S. They are smarter than we think. Remember…

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Source – The birthplace of the computer networking1 is shown in this aerial photo over South Truro on Cape Cod. The photo is from the mid-1950s. The radar installation shown in the photo was known as the “Cape Cod System.” Analog data from the radar equipment at the site was converted to digital form and then transmitted via modems and dedicated phone lines to the Whirlwind computer, which was housed a hundred miles away on the MIT campus in Cambridge, Massachusetts. This setup was the first example of a long-distance computer network.

BOOM! Fact: The internet is the engine that powers the modern world. Fact: The internet is the single most important advancement in the history of mankind. Fact: The internet was invented on Cape Cod in a quaint little town named Truro.

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to use deduction and… well, deduce, that Cape Cod is the single most important place in the history of earth. I have joked around calling us the chosen people, never realizing just how true it was. We are the Bethlehem of the internet. It all started right here. This peninsula is the cradle of modern civilization.

For those of you that are counting here is a list of a few of the things Cape Cod has invented:

1. The Banana
2. The Brown Paper Bag
3. The United States
4. The Internet

There are more, but those are the big 4.

On behalf of Cape Cod, I would just like to say to the rest of the world that whenever you use Facebook, order something on Amazon, watch free porn, giggle at a cute kitten meme, or download your favorite song, take a minute to thank the place that made it all possible… Cape Cod.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodTimes.com – The Air Force cleanup program at Joint Base Cape Cod could face fines of up to $10,000 per week for failing to comply with a request to test for perfluorochemicals, an EPA official said Wednesday night.

Known as PFCs, they are an emerging contaminant, meaning they have not yet been linked to health issues in humans but studies on animals show they have ill effects. In New Hampshire, PFCs have been detected in drinking water supplies near the former Pease Air Force base and concerns are so high that state health officials are offering blood tests to people who have been drinking the water, according to published reports.

Hey EPA, you wanna know why the Air Force isn’t testing for PFCs at the Base? Because testing is going to show that the levels are somewhere around 3,647 percent. Asking if there are perfluorochemicals in the ground water below the Base is like asking if there is salt in ocean water. Ah, yeah, there is.

Can you even imagine what kind of crap they were dumping into the ground back in the day? Your grandfather drank jet fuel while puffing on a cigar. Even our parents smoked butts in airplanes cradling their babies in their arms for cripes sake, they just didn’t know any better. I would not be one tiny bit surprised if they found pure radiation and liquid AIDS in the groundwater underneath Otis.

P.S. I just naturally started calling it Otis by the end because that’s what it will always be. Eversource? NSTAR. Joint Base? Otis.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCod.com – Eversource Energy will be conducting helicopter inspections of high voltage electrical equipment on rights-of-way in Eastern Massachusetts next week.

The inspections, which begin Monday, are expected to occur on the South Shore and South Coast in the middle of the week before finishing up on the Cape by the end of the week.

The overhead inspections allow engineers to detect potential problems in advance.
The helicopter is equipped with a high-resolution camera and may hover over certain equipment for up to five minutes.

The work will be done between 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through Friday, weather permitting.

The vehicle is a white jet ranger with a blue stripe with a registration number of 37WA.

Oooh so fun! There’s nothing better than waking up at 7 a.m. to a helicopter hovering directly over your house for up to 5 minutes. That should be priceless. I guess now we know why our rates nearly doubled, helicopter fuel isn’t cheap.

It makes perfect sense if you think about it though, they’ve been using pesticides instead of weed wackers to clear the lines and pollute the ground under Cape Cod for years, they might as well use a helicopter to pollute the air above it while they are at it.

P.S. WANTED: High powered paint ball gun

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeNews.net – The Town of Bourne has emerged as the statewide winner of the 8th annual Boston Bruins Cradles to Crayons pajamas drive. Neighbor and friendly rival town, Sandwich, placed third.

Caryn Oppenheim, the youth programs coordinator for Cradles to Crayons, announced Bourne’s statewide win in an e-mail to Jonathan Bourne Public Library director Patrick W. Marshall this week. Ms. Oppenheim, a native of Falmouth, noted that this year there were almost twice the number of groups that participated in the drive than there were last year.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodTimes.com – The owners of the Craigville Motel on Shootflying Hill Road have a week before the Barnstable Board of Health decides whether to revoke, modify or suspend the motel’s license because of a long list of health and safety violations.

In the meantime the Health Board has asked Housing Assistance Corp. to work with the motel’s owners to find other housing for tenants living there for more than 30 days.

While Mckean and West Barnstable Deputy Fire Chief David Paananen said that the management had made significant strides in rectifying the sanitary and fire code violations, the main concern with the motel was the rental of rooms to long-term residents, according to health and fire district officials. The Board of Health held a prior show cause hearing for the motel in January, but board members raised concerns at the time about forcing residents out during cold weather, according to minutes from the meeting.

Ah… the time honored tradition of seedy motels renting rooms to long term tenants. It’s as Cape Cod as lighthouses and sand dunes. This article may be about the Craigville Motel, but everyone, everywhere on the Cape is picturing the motel just like it in their town, and they all look exactly alike.

What could we possibly do about a situation like this? I don’t know, maybe remember that Cape Cod is a resort? Maybe approve a few entertainment licenses, stop fighting tooth and nail to stop adventure parks, maybe create incentives for local businesses that attract (GASP!) tourists?

I wonder if the Craigville Motel would need to have long term tenants in rooms that aren’t equipped for them if they operated at full capacity during the tourist season? Maybe if we encouraged business and created more local jobs the tenants wouldn’t need to live in shitty motels in the first place?

Nah, fuck it. Let the Fun Police choke every bit of entertainment to death. Let local legislators deny licenses for anything that actually attracts people. Change zoning laws to strangle businesses. Let’s all just pretend that Cape Cod isn’t a vacation destination and never factor in what vacationers would want when we establish public policy. Let’s all bury our heads in the sand.

Let’s just make sure that when we poke our heads out and see that our motels are over run with long term tenants because the tenants can’t afford anything else and the motel needs the money, let’s make sure we don’t blame the motel or the tenants and force them to stop. Kicking people out of their homes and bankrupting local businesses is not a solution to the problem. It’s bad enough that our system isn’t providing opportunities for either of them to thrive, but it’s criminal to stop them from doing what they can to survive.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony