CapeCodTimes.com – A school bus driver arrested Friday evening on a charge of driving under the influence of alcohol, second offense, with students on board the bus, was a recent hire but had passed a background check, according to the bus company president.

Bus driver Everett Redmond, Jr., 62, of Brewster, is also charged with child endangerment while driving under the influence of liquor, state police said. State police stopped the Cape Destinations bus at the Burger King and Mobil parking lot off Exit 6 of Route 6 after a student on the bus called her mother to report erratic driving and the mother then called the state police.

The students were on the way from Cape Cod Regional Technical High School in Harwich.

See what I mean about other Cape schools not being on a level playing field with Sturgis? While the charter school kids are on a CCRTA bus eating caviar off of their solid gold laptops on their way to their ten person classrooms, the tech kids are sitting on the yellow bus getting pelted by empty Fireball shots the boozebag driver is throwing over his shoulder every five minutes.

Let’s be honest though, can you really blame this guy? I’ve driven with two kids in the backseat and that’s enough to drive you to drink. I can’t even imagine a bus load of the little pricks. It’s a wonder that public school buses don’t come with a built in mini bar.

The whole reason school buses even exist is because none of us want to deal with getting our own little terrors back and forth from school, it shouldn’t be all that surprising when one of the drivers needs a few cocktails to get through the day. All I know is that if I had to drive 30 snot gobblers around all day I’d have an IV of Jack Daniels shooting whiskey straight into the veins in my eyeballs.

Unless of course it was 30 Sturgis kids. Apparently they blow rainbows out of their asses and shoot kindness out of their well adjusted ears because they go to a “public” school that you have to WIN A LOTTERY to get into.

P.S. If you are one of those people that comment that The Real Cape is shoddy “reporting” or bad “journalism” then you should probably just kill yourself now. If you can’t tell the difference between actual journalism and the crap we churn out then you aren’t gonna do anyone any good… ever.

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Globe – A Cape Cod charter school is the best place to get a public high school education in Massachusetts, according to the latest rankings from US News and World Report.

The publication released its findings this week, placing Sturgis Charter Public School in Hyannis atop the list for the state. Sturgis ranked 32d nationally.

US News and World Report’s findings are based on student proficiency in English and mathematics, as well as college readiness. Student-teacher ratios for each school are also factored into the findings.

What the hell is going on around here? A high school on Main St. in Hyannis is the best in Massachusetts? A street that is so infamous that they had to create a curfew because of it?

I have to profess that I know nothing about Sturgis. I did some quick research to find out why this school is running circles around every other Cape school and it seems there are two HUGE factors. First off, there are more kids on the waiting list to get into Sturgis than there are students enrolled. When you have that pool to pick from and less than 50% make it in, that seems like a slight advantage.

Second, there is a 10-1 student to teacher ratio. That is way above public school averages and even beats private school averages. Of course the school is thriving, they only accept less than half the applicants and then put them in ten person classes, plus they don’t have to worry about getting stuffed into lockers by the “average” kids.

I’m not knocking it, good for Sturgis and good for its students, it just seems like if we can do this for these kids, we should be able to do it for all of them. Kids shouldn’t be punished with giant classrooms just because they like sports, or girls, or not going to Main St. in Hyannis.

So my point is this, if your kid is in another public school on the Cape and you’re pissed at the school for not making this list, don’t be. Just remember that a school that lets less than half of the applicants in shouldn’t really be classified as “public”. Your kids high school would rank pretty high if they just chopped the bottom half of the students right out of it too. Seems to me that Sturgis should be atop the list of “exclusive” high schools in the state instead of the “public” list. As far as I’m concerned if not everyone can use it, you can’t call it “public”.

Again, not knocking Sturgis, sounds like it’s a great school, we just think if we can provide such a great education for those kids, we should be able to do it for all of them.

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What better way to celebrate throwback Thursday than with a Brazen Belles burlesque show? It’s not just any burlesque show either, it’s a variety show with all kinds of special guests, contests, prizes and other assorted shenanigans.

It is being hailed as a fabulous evening of Comedy and Tease. Hosted by our own Insane Tony and featuring the many talents of The Brazen Balls, Yummy Hearts, Hung So-low, Doc T. Pepper and many more.

It’s all going down at The Beach House tonight at 8 pm. You can order tickets in advance by CLICKING HERE

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Wicked Local Bourne has said that a “well known coffee franchise” has been looking into the old IHOP building at the Bourne Rotary, and now there is this article saying that there is work being done to the building and they think it is going to be a Dunkin’ Donuts.

If this is true I will puke on my own tits.

There has been perpetual traffic at both bridges for years now, it’s bad in the winter, it’s unbearable in the summer. Could you imagine throwing a few thousand Massholes that haven’t had their coffee yet into the mix? This has to be stopped before someone is inevitably murdered with an oversized ice coffee straw.

I know we have a history of being pro business on this site, but we are also pro common sense. Adding a high volume, high turnover business to that rotary would be like building the Hoover Dam on the river of traffic flowing to and from Cape Cod. This could be the single biggest perpetration that Dunkin’ Donuts has pulled on the people of Massachusetts since they started putting rosemary in their hash browns.

P.S. Hey Dunkins’. Stop making me ask for wax paper, just give it to me if I order something sticky.

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Bloodsucking parasites beware, the TickBot is in town. Researchers tested a tick-killing robot at Nickerson State Park in Brewster Tuesday and demonstrated it at the Cape Cod Cooperative Extension Service. It resembles a remote-control car and moves like a Zamboni through tick habitat.

The TickBot drags a cloth treated with the pesticide permethrin along a guide wire and tubing that emits carbon dioxide. Ticks are attracted to the CO2 and are wiped out when the TickBot moves over them. The wheeled-robot was developed at the Virginia Military Institute and several collaborators have been working to determine its usefulness in battling ticks, which can carry Lyme and other diseases.

Hell yes! I don’t even care that it’s not really a robot but more of a remote control car dragging a pesticide soaked Swiffer behind it. I’m not even going to bring up the fact that it would take 137 million of them 238 billion years to actually cover any significant ground. There is nothing cooler than asserting our dominance over other creatures by building mechanical equipment designed specifically to kill the shit out of them.

I’m thinking we should cut to the chase and just start filling up Zamboni’s with poison and driving them all over the countryside. Why even stop there? Let’s start putting pesticides into all the fossil fuels we burn so that it releases into the atmosphere and rains down upon us from the clouds.

The human race ladies and gentlemen, the only known species that uses advanced technology to more efficiently poison the very thing responsible for giving and sustaining life. You know what they say about intelligent life forms… it would be nice if a few existed.

P.S. This blog has raised two unrelated questions I need answers to.

1. Why can’t we Frontline humans?

2. What the hell ever happened to acid rain? Remember how scary acid rain was? People were expecting the paint to sizzle right off of their cars when it rained for a while there..

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CapeCod.com – British adventurer Sarah Outen, who is on the last leg of a 25,000 mile adventure around the world, will launch Thursday morning from Chatham Bars Inn.

Outen biked, rowed and kayaked through Europe and Asia and biked through Alaska, Canada and the U.S. over the last 4 years.

Outen will be rowing solo across the Atlantic Ocean and expects the trip to take about four months.
Outen has spent the last five weeks in Chatham recovering from a winter bike leg across North America.

Good lord am I sick of reading about this lady. She’s been here for five weeks? As far as I’m concerned if you stay in one place for more than a month you’re no longer on the “last leg” of an around the world adventure, you’re on fucking vacation. Move it or lose it sweetheart.

At this point she’s like Cape Wind, there’s 378 articles about her every other day but there isn’t anything actually happening. All I know is she damn well better make it across or this will be the most anti climactic media hype since Geraldo opened Al Capone’s vault.

There’s only one thing worse than an attention seeking, “look at me” type of person, and that’s an attention seeking, “look at me” type of person that sucks everyone in and then fails. I’m just letting everyone know ahead of time that if this limey chick doesn’t make it to E town I am going to be all over her. You want to make sure the press knows all about your “adventure”? Don’t come crying to me when I make fun of you for getting scurvy and quitting on day 3.

P.S. If she calls that thing a “kayak” one more time I’m gonna punch myself in the nuts.

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Do you and your friends want to experience The Real Cape Music Festival in style? Well, we’ve got you covered. Since we are moving the festival to a much bigger field we can now offer 10 person, private group, VIP tents.

You will have a private 10 person tent inside of the main concert area with views of both stages. There will be tables and seating for everyone. Included in the package will be a case of spring water, a case of premium beer of your choice, one case of domestic beer of your choice as well as a complimentary sandwich platter and snacks.

If you run out of goodies there will be private golf cart service to bring you whatever you need for the duration of the festival. Run out of beer? Just order another case. So if chilling in the shade in your own private area with your friends and never waiting in a beer line appeals to you, this is the way to go.

There are a very limited number of these private group tents available and we’ve had tons of people inquire about them already so you are going to want to jump on this ASAP, once they are gone, they are gone.

CLICK HERE FOR PRIVATE TENT TICKETS

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