HYANNIS — The dream of a new performing arts center on Cape Cod has resurfaced.

Cape Cod Symphony Orchestra and Conservatory of Music and Arts officials announced plans Thursday for the latest iteration.

“We would envision a concert hall for the 21st century,” symphony artistic director and conductor Jung-Ho Pak said.

The specific location and cost of the facility, or how exactly it will be paid for, are still to be decided, said Warren Marsh, president of Ocean Side Performance Center, the nonprofit organization formed in April to pursue the concept.

“The news about our effort is beginning to surface and we would like to be clear about what we are doing and why,” Marsh said.

The fact that a performing arts center doesn’t already exist here is a travesty. For 15 years the Boch Center For Performing Arts tried to jump through the hoops to build a facility in Mashpee but “Despite the best efforts to fulfill the mission to build and operate a world-class performing arts facility on Cape Cod, current circumstances prevent successful negotiations to obtain an appropriate site and come to agreement with civic leaders and governing agencies.”

This is a microcosm of what it wrong with Cape Cod. How does a project like this not get the red carpet treatment? The powers that be should be bending over backwards for anyone willing to spend the time and money it takes to build a facility that brings culture and revenue to our area.

The only thing I can think of is maybe Mashpee figured they already have The Performing Arts Center at 100 Great Neck Rd? Maybe Mashpee has a law that they can only have so much culture, and since they already have the ballet they don’t want to bring in a symphony that will directly compete?

Who needs another art center that attracts world famous symphonies and national talents when you can already go to the ballet and watch a girl named Bambi hang upside down on a brass pole while she simultaneously grabs two dollar bills between her toes? That’s culture overload right there. In hindsight I guess it is a dumb idea, I bet nobody would even go to the stupid symphony unless Yo-Yo Ma was giving happy endings in the champagne room.

P.S. Is there any feeling more shameful than handing the girl working the Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru a $2 bill at 7 a.m.? Awkward city.

P.P.S. Poor Ernie just wanted to do something good for his home town. RIP Ernie.

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CHATHAM — There’s no doubt how business owners in the West Chatham village center feel about the recommendations for the section of Route 28 from Barn Hill Road to George Ryder Road. Just drive along the .2-mile stretch and read the signs.

Last week more than a dozen signs opposing the draft proposal, which calls for two roundabouts and elimination of the center turning lane, went up along the highway. The signs read “Keep the Turning Lane” on one side and “No Roundabouts” on the other.

Move over occupy Wall Street we’ve got ourselves a real protest going on up there in Chatham. It can’t be long before the Chatham S.W.A.T. team starts clearing the area with tear gas. You just can’t take risks with public safety and this thing looks like it’s getting out of hand.

More importantly though, what is this “no roundabouts” crap? What are we in Glastonbeckenburyshireham? This isn’t England Mary Poppins it’s Massachusetts and we have ROTARIES. Go smoke a fag behind a dustbin with some cheeky bugger and kiss my arse ya limey bastards.

P.S. Protesting “roundabouts” in Chatham has to be the absolute epitome of old white people problems.

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YARMOUTH – Cape Codders interested in getting rid of unwanted firearms or ammunition are encouraged to bring them to the Yarmouth Police Station on Saturday, December 14 between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. According to Deputy Chief Steven Xiarhos, Yarmouth police will be collecting unwanted weapons on that day…

…As an incentive and a thank you for participating in the program, several area businesses have offered discounts:

• $50 off a pair of running, hiking or work shoes at Hanlon Shoe Store on Main Street in Hyannis

• $10 gift card for lunch or dinner at DiParma’s Italian Table or Red Face Jack’s Sports Pub, both on Route 28 in Yarmouth

Wait, aren’t guns worth money? Like real american currency? Why would anyone trade a perfectly good gun with monetary value for a pair of Reeboks and a couple of meatballs?

It drives me nuts when people cheat themselves out of money. Reminds me of that show Pawn Stars. Some guy will bring in an 1867 Colt something or other and the bald dude that laughs like Elmer Fudd will call in an expert. The expert will value the gun at like $4 grand and Elmer will offer $2k because he needs to make a profit. I want to throw the TV through a window when the people accept the offer.

I just want to scream in their face FOLLOW THAT EXPERT GUY! HE JUST SAID IT”S WORTH TWICE THAT MUCH! SELL IT TO HIM! But no, Elmer calls Chumlee over to write it up. He stares at the gun and breathes through his mouth like a neanderthal for a few seconds and then they pan over to the old guy sleeping in his chair… and roll credits.

God damn that show drives me nut’s, but it’s like a car wreck, no matter how awful it is I just can’t stop watching.

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Someone beheaded the Hyannis snowman! @capecodtimes #capecod pic.twitter.com/l15rx2j86Z

— CapeCast (@capecast) December 13, 2013

Savages. If you are in Hyannis you better keep your head on a swivel or it might end up on the sidewalk.

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Yes my friends it has been 100 years since great men undertook an engineering feat for the ages. The Canal opened a trade route between Boston Harbor and the southern states that allows ships to avoid the time consuming and treacherous trip around the arm of Cape Cod.

So from July 25th through August 3rd there shall be a jubilant celebration with a multitude of activities to be capped off by a brilliant fireworks display. We shall celebrate the drive of men like August Belmont Jr. and William Barclay Parsons, for these are the men who left us with this magnificent waterway that helped bring the United States to economic prominence on the global stage.

And more importantly we celebrate that these fine men had the foresight to recognize what a shithole Wareham would become and were smart enough to dig a big fucking ditch to separate them from us.

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CHATHAM — There are so many mussels that, at low tide, Scatteree looks like a black sand beach, which means shellfishermen could be in the black next year – if eiders don’t beat them to the largesse.

“You really have to see it; it’s amazing,” David Likos, chairman of the shellfish advisory committee, told selectmen about the stretch of mussels from Scatteree to the Chatham Lighthouse last week.

The bountiful set of mussels lies across much of Chatham Harbor, as are rafts of eider that nosh on them, and the advisory committee and the shellfish constable hope to keep the hungry ducks away from three areas.

Selectmen gave them approval to do that and deterrents ranging from a “scare crow cannon” to ultrasonic bird repellers and holographic bird foil tape, will be used throughout the winter. The cannon will be placed east of Strong Island while the other, silent tactics will be used near Minister’s Point and Tern Island.

Holy crap Chatham is at war with ducks. Piping Plovers get a VIP section and meanwhile ducks are getting cannon blasts, ultrasonic bird repellers and holographic bird foil tape. What the hell is holographic bird foil tape?

I think the real question here is where was this technology when we were in elementary school? Chatham has a better air defense system than Syria, but we had to play soccer at recess in a goose shit mine field. The worst was when they would aerate the field the day before and you couldn’t tell what was a tube of dirt and what was goose shit. Just absolute mayhem .

P.S. This is a perfect example of a situation where our proposed beer for work program would come in handy. Offer a bounty of a beer per duck and we’d have booze bags strangling eiders with their bare hands.

P.P.S. I’m no expert but I think trash dumps could also benefit from “ultrasonic bird repellers”.

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HYANNIS, Mass. (MyFoxBoston.com) — Police on Cape Cod are investigating a car apparently being hit by a bullet while traveling on Route 6.

Officials say the driver was heading to work in Hyannis late Tuesday night. While he was driving between exits 4 and 5, he heard a loud bang. The man assumed it was only a rock, but once he looked at the door he says he saw a hole created by a large-caliber bullet.

Like we don’t have enough on our plates to worry about? People are stealing our copper pipes, Piping Plovers are taking our best real estate, convenience stores are being robbed left and right, oysters are making us sick instead of horny and now we have to worry about randomly getting shot at on the highway?

You realize where we are headed right?

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