Holy shit, it’s the Death Star!

thanks to Jennifer Fenstermaker for the pic

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

It’s truly amazing how much can change in one day. Yesterday everyone was happy, drunk and thankful that things weren’t much worse. Fast forward one day and it’s back to complaining about first world problems.

If your news feed is anything like mine then today it is 30% people bitching because they aren’t plowed and can’t go anywhere like 8 minutes after a giant blizzard. Newsflash, they are doing their best, it stopped snowing LAST NIGHT.

30% are Plow people bitching because too many people are on the roads that they’ve been plowing for the sole reason of people being able to get back on the roads. Guys, people aren’t going to stop existing until the roads are perfect, sorry. You’re doing a great job but if you weren’t plowing guess what? You’d be driving somewhere too.

30% is people bitching because school is cancelled again/their pizza place is closed/they’re bored etc. These people should probably google the word “hobby” and start trying a few out.

10% are people playing in the snow, sledding, drinking, frolicking and having a blast or just generally enjoying the fact that regular life is on pause for a bit.

EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND JOIN THE 10%

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Tail lights completely covered? Check. Zero rear visibility? Check. Plenty of ice chunks and snow on the roof to blow off and hit your windshield? Check. We’ve got a triple threat post blizzard douche right here folks. They only come out a few times a year, but the douches will be everywhere the next few days, so be alert.

If you see any post blizzard douchiness, crappy shoveling, shitty parking, however or wherever it may strike, snap a pic and send it to us. Public shaming is both fun and effective!

thanks to wayne for the pic

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Unbelievable. Lay’s basically just strutted its ass right into Cape Cod Chip’s house, drank a couple of their Cape Cod beers right out of their fridge and made out with their wife right in front of them. At this point the only response is for Cape Cod Chips to form an army and storm Lay’s headquarters right?

Make no mistake folks, this commercial was an act of war. Cape Cod Chips is basically 1940’s France and Lay’s just marched right by the Arc de Triomphe and straight down the Champs Elysees. It’s times like these that try companies souls, and we can only hope that Cape Cod Chips defends its honor somehow.

Your move Cape Cod Chips, an entire peninsula is watching.

P.S. Et Tu Bobby?

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

There are two types of people in this world. There are the people that can laugh at stuff like this and there are the people that never get invited to parties and everyone rolls their eyes and hides behind a Cheerios box when they see them at the supermarket. It’s your choice which one you want to be.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Why didn’t I think of this? If this guy has a 4 wheel drive vehicle and can deliver then I think the price may even be a tad low. There should also probably be a larger amount of booze given how long the storm is supposed to last.

P.S. I’m sure there are some amazing looking blizzard survival kits out there on Cape Cod right now. Send us some pics of what’s getting you through the day… [email protected]

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

We here at The Real Cape just wanted to remind everyone that your government has imposed a travel ban. Apparently sometime over the last few years adults have forgotten how to asses a situation and decide for themselves whether or not they are equipped to deal with it, so anyone caught outside travelling for any reason will immediately be sent home and put to bed without dinner. Never mind the fact that you spent $60,000 on a 4 wheel drive vehicle just for the one day a year it snows on Cape Cod.

If you leave your driveway and drive on the roads that you pay for then you will not be able to have friends over for the rest of the week, and no iPad for a month, per order of the governor. No word on how bad the punishment will be during the summer for adults caught swimming less than an hour after they eat.

P.S. Remember when Deval Patrick pulled this travel ban crap? People laughed in his face and went for joyrides out of spite, now all of a sudden we are all fine with it? It’s probably just a coincidence, there’s not any obvious glaring differences between Patrick and Baker or anything.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony