It seems like every time there is a robbery or other drug related crime in the news these days social media explodes with people hating on Cape Cod. You hear tons of people that live here talking about how they should leave. You hear tons of people that have moved off of the Cape telling people here that they should follow suit. You hear tons of people who don’t live here, and never have, talking about what a shit hole Cape Cod is. Frankly, I’m a little tired of it.

Does Cape Cod have an opiate addiction problem? Yes, it has a very significant opiate problem. This post is by no means intended to trivialize the severity of the opiate problem on Cape Cod, it is very real, and it is very serious. The point of this post is to point out that Cape Cod is far from alone, and it is no longer any worse than most areas when it comes to opiate addiction.

Places like Vermont, Ohio, Oregon, New Jersey, and Tennessee have surpassed us in most heroin related statistics. Massachusetts is no longer even in the top 10 for prescription drug addiction.

Heroin, and opiates are not a Cape Cod epidemic, they are a national epidemic. Cape Cod is no worse than most places and is actually better off than many. We also have some great people on the front lines battling opiates in progressive ways. People like Jim Cummings, whose program at the house of correction has attracted national attention because of its effectiveness.

My point is this… yes, it’s bad. We are going through hard times here on Cape Cod, but calling it a shit hole, threatening to leave, or never come back, only hurts morale. We make fun of Cape Cod as much or more than anyone, but we do it in the way that you do when you’re giving shit to your best friend. Sarcasm and laughter are medicine, but it seems like many people are actually starting to think the grass is greener over the bridge these days and that is ludicrous.

We live in one of the most beautiful places on earth, both visually and sociologically, and let’s not forget it. Yes, it has its problems, but just like we make fun of it like a best friend, we shouldn’t ever turn our back on it at the first sign of trouble and stop loving it like a best friend either. Cape Cod may have its faults, but it’s our Cape Cod, and don’t ever forget it.

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CapeNews.net – Mashpee Planning Board submitted two articles for May Town Meeting that will clear the way for operation of a microbrewery or a brew pub, a place of production for small and local beer businesses, in Mashpee.

The town currently does not have specific provisions for such an industry but an article, drafted by town planner F. Thomas Fudala, would allow these breweries to set up shop in Mashpee if the town chooses to pass the article.

A specific, but yet to be named, local brewery has looked at Mashpee as well as other Upper Cape towns as a possible area to set up shop, leading the town planner to pursue a zoning amendment.

The planning board voted unanimously to approve the Town Meeting articles that would allow the business, or other similar businesses, to choose Mashpee as a hub for a possible restaurant and production area for its beer.

Now THIS is the kind of local lawmaking we can get behind! Proactively submitting articles to institute provisions for any industry is a smart move. When that industry is brewing beer it reaches Stephen Hawking Levels.

Thomas Fudala just became Saint Peter and hung a welcome sign on the pearly gates of Mashpee. Let’s hope this brewery takes him up on the offer and builds heaven on earth in the form of a new brewpub on Cape Cod.

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CL – Sell me your panties ? (Sagamore)

compensation: Yes

Hi I am interested in discreetly buying your worn/dirty panties. Not picky about age or panty style. Please be in the upper cape, south shore area.Thanks

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

This guy has become a Cape Cod institution. We first wrote about him back in June. He has even spawned a cottage industry on Cape Cod and women started posting their own ads to expand their clientele and find more customers for their used panties.

Anyway, it looks like pantie man is still going strong. The guy is insatiable, he must have the largest used pantie collection in the world at this point. He is like the American Pickers of panties. He probably goes into peoples barns and crawls around with a flashlight looking for antique granny panties and shit.

One can only hope that the Cape Cod used pantie man is taking care of his collection and making plans for the future. Such an extensive piece of Cape Cod history should really be conserved for future generations to enjoy.

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CapeNews.net – Falmouth police are searching for a victim and suspect in a reported assault that occurred on Thursday afternoon, February 5, outside the Walmart on Teaticket Highway.

Police responded to the scene after receiving a call from a witness just after 2 PM. The witness reported seeing a white male in his 20s approach a woman who was exiting the store. The man asked the woman for change and when she refused the man pulled out a knife, the witness said. The woman handed over change after being threatened and escaped, the witness said.

These Cape Cod criminals just keep getting dumber and dumber. How many times do I need to tell these derelicts that armed robbery is armed robbery no matter where you do it? If you are taking the risk, you might as well set your sights a little higher. Mugging a woman at knife point for change outside of Wal Mart is like being the McDonald’s fry cook of criminals.

Bro, do us a favor and at least move up to demanding dollars outside Best Buy will ya? This penny ante bullshit is getting embarrassing.

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CapeCodOnline.com – Harris Contos, known for exercising his right each year to draft petition articles for the Yarmouth town meeting warrant, has submitted two for the May 19 annual meeting, and those are once again related to noise.

The aim of his first proposal is to ban motorcycle rides “in or through the town” by prohibiting permits from being issued for such rides. Contos said he assumes such rides must have permits in the same way parades are.

“Some say it’s a charity event, but other charity groups don’t ride motorcycles; they run, walk or ride bicycles,” Contos said. “This is something that’s been brought about by the symbiotic relationship between the police and the motorcycle guys, and I don’t think the people of the town should have to suffer.”

Police Chief Frank Frederickson said he knows of only two organized motorcycle rides that pass through town. “They’re generally escorted by police,” he said. “There’s no requirement for a permit that I know of, and there haven’t been any complaints. This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

Good lord, would you get a load of this guy? Does he have Cocker Spaniel hearing or something? Is having one or two charity motorcycle rides go by you in the summer really a source of “suffering”? Put on some ear muffs and sit in your basement if the noise is too scary.

The big question for Harris is this… How many legal, licensed, and registered motorcycles should be allowed to use the road at the same time if they feel like it? Three? Seven? If you are banning group motorcycle rides, don’t you have to ban all instances of multiple vehicles using the roads to go to the same place at the same time? Are we going to ban funeral processions too? Oh you want everyone to get from the funeral to the burial at the same time? Screw you, Harris Contos and his gigantic eardrums don’t want to suffer just because your mom not only died, but actually had the gall to have a group of people that loved her and drive cars.

Hey Harris, do you know why motorcycle rides don’t need permits and nobody has ever even heard of one complaint about them? Because we live in a free society, one where everyone and anyone can use public roads whenever they want. Why not just draft a petition to make it illegal for blue Ford pickup trucks to use state bridges on Tuesdays? That makes the same amount of sense as your anti motorcycle ride petition.

Congrats Harris Contos, you have been appointed to the position of Chief of the Cape Cod Fun Police!

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“He’s a lefty, so we gotta watch out. That means he’s dangerous.”

This video was made by some genuine Cape Cod locals. It’s a few years old now but I don’t think we’ve ever posted it on The Real Cape so here it is. It’s Friday and there’s no better way for a blogger to mail it in than to post a funny video.

“I don’t know, I’ve been up for four days, I can’t tell the difference between a god damn minute and a god damn hour.”

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