CapeCodOnline.com – Nearly 18 months after neighbors complained about his nudity and behavior around children, a North Falmouth man pleaded guilty this week to charges of indecent exposure and open and gross lewdness.

John W. Martin Jr., of North Falmouth, was sentenced to two years of probation Tuesday and ordered to stay away from the victims, including a Millstone Street resident who saw the 50-year-old man pull down his pants, police said. He will be required to report to probation every week and will undergo supervised evaluation and counseling as needed, according to court records.

In September 2012, police received several complaints about Martin from residents near the Shining Sea Bike Path.

One woman told police Martin chased her son and his friend down the trail after following them with a flashlight. Another woman said her three granddaughters and a neighbor rushed inside after Martin came onto the front lawn and began waving and smiling at them.

About a month earlier, Martin pulled down his pants just as a man was running past him on the trail, police said.

When an officer arrived at Martin’s Althea Road house, he was seen running from a bedroom covered “head to toe in what appeared to be shaving cream,” police said. Martin answered the door in a towel and denied the accusations.

He was later summonsed to Falmouth District Court, and this was the case disposed of this week.

Police were familiar with Martin from a November 2011 incident in which he was found walking naked in the area of Thomas B. Landers Road. Martin admitted there was sufficient evidence to convict him on an indecent exposure charge, and the case was continued without a finding until June 2012.

A disorderly conduct charge was dropped, according to court records.

In March 2012, an Althea Road neighbor told police that Martin pulled down his pants and exposed his backside in the middle of the street. The neighbor declined to pursue a complaint against Martin, police said.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m not even sure what to say about this one, this guys “gross lewdness” knows absolutely no barriers. Boy, girl, young, old, this dude will drop trow for anyone, anywhere, anytime. All you people in North Falmouth better be on alert, you just never know when you could inadvertently get an eyeball full of John Martin’s junk.

So this guy has been waving his willy all over town since 2011 and when the police go to confront him he’s running from room to room naked and covered in shaving cream? Probation seems a little lenient in this case no? I’m no criminal justice expert but I’m pretty sure John Martin might not be fit for society. When someone can’t even walk down the Shining Sea Bike Path without doing the pants off, dance off every time someone jogs by, it might be a good idea to remove them from the general public.

You almost have to respect his chutzpah though, the guy knows he’s a menace and doesn’t even try to deny it. Dude didn’t even fight the charges, he was just like “Indecent exposure? Gross lewdness? Oh yeah definitely. You got me there. Guilty as charged.”

CapeCodOnline.com – A man was arraigned Tuesday in Barnstable District Court on a charge of assault and battery after he allegedly choked a woman who scratched his car door with hers in a West Yarmouth parking lot.

When police arrived on the scene, Christopher Dean, 43, of South Yarmouth, told them he had been sitting in his red 2000 Ford Explorer when the driver of the car parked next to his had scraped his car while opening her door, according to the report.

Dean told police he confronted the driver, a 63-year-old woman from Quincy, about the damage to his car, and she allegedly “got in his face and spit in his face,” according to the report.

Dean told police he had pushed the woman to defend himself and admitted to putting his hands on her neck, according to the report.

Three witnesses — a customer and two employees of the store — told police they had seen Dean put his hands on the woman’s throat, according to the report.

Police determined Dean was the “dominant aggressor” in the confrontation, according to the report.

This guy obviously doesn’t have an up to date version of the Wayne Brady car scratch/choke a bitch flow chart. You can’t be choking a 63 year old lady over a scratch on a 2000 Ford Explorer. It just doesn’t add up. There was obviously some other factors at play here. Let’s go to the chart to see what we can find out…

I think it’s safe to say that there were some details left out of these two’s testimonial. I’m not one to speculate but when you have a scientific flow chart as rock solid as this you’d be dumb not use it.

P.S. I know what you are asking and yes, I am available for hire as an MS Paint graphic designer.

CapeCodOnline.com – Brewster Deputy Call Fire Chief William Harrison resigned early this month after police opened an investigation into his alleged violations of town policies, including use of his work computer to look up escort services.

Harrison, 58, resigned on Feb. 5 after admitting to some of the allegations, according to a summary of the police investigation written by Brewster Police Chief Richard Koch.

Anonymous sources called the police a few months ago to allege that Harrison had taken gasoline from the town pumps for his personal vehicle and used the fire vehicle for personal business, such as driving his children to school, the summary stated.

Informants also told police he used the computer in his office, while on duty, to view escort services online.

Am I missing something here? What crime did this guy commit? This has small town political witch hunt written all over it. Everybody with a town/company car uses it for personal use at some point, how can you not? It’s not like he was using it to run drugs for a Mexican cartel, he dropped his kids off at school for fucks sake.

Oh right he used the computer in his office to look at scantily clad women on the internet. News flash, if we start making guys resign for that then get ready for a male unemployment rate of 100%. Besides, maybe William was looking to hire an escort service to start taking his kids to school for him so he wouldn’t have to use the town vehicle anymore, did anyone think of that?

Hey Billy Harrison if you need a job hit us up, we just happen to be looking for a new director of escort service research and development. You know what they say, if you can get paid to do what you love it’s not really work.

Jesus Christ was that photo taken in Barnstable or Haiti? That thing looks like some Redneck got new rims and tires for his truck and decided to make his kids a playground out of the old ones. Golden Retrievers would be embarrassed to play in that shit hole. It does look like a nice place to plant an organic heroin needle garden though.

We were sent this along with a link to raise money for a new one. We normally don’t post donation pages just because of how many of them we get. If we posted them all they would be the only things on the site. That said, when I opened this link I laughed out loud for like five minutes. That is the saddest display of a playground these eyes have ever seen, I had to share it with you.

So everybody go donate some money before the rest of the world sees this abomination, and clean it up Barnstable, you’re making us all look bad with that Sullivan’s Tire dumpster disguised as a Big Toy.

Barnstable Community Horace Mann Charter Public School is a K-3 elementary school located in Hyannis on Cape Cod. Our current playground was built in 1989 making it 25 years old and is becoming unsafe for our students. Please help us to raise the funds needed to replace our playground. CLICK HERE for the gofundme page.

P.S. Maybe if Barnstable charged $31,000 a year like P-Town their kids wouldn’t have to play in an outdoor Opium Den.

CapeCodToday.com – Provincetown remains the Cape’s “most expensive school district” with a cost per pupil of $31,195. This figured dropped from $33,811 in FY2012 according to information released by the Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education (DESE).

Truro earned second place with a per pupil cost of $23,438, up from $20,636.

The four independent elementary districts in the Nauset region cost taxpayers between $19,178 (Brewster) and $21,857 (Wellfleet) per student.

Holy shit. What on earth is P-Town doing up there? Do you know how many Massachusetts colleges cost less than Provincetown Elementary school per year? More than FIFTY.  For 31 thousand dollars each kid should have a masseuse and a hand maiden that feeds them the towns finest meats and cheeses all day. I’m pretty sure you can stay all inclusive at Hedonism for a full calendar year cheaper than P-Town Elementary.

I think we might have to start The Real Cape Elementary School to save everyone some money around here. You can bet your ass that every graduate will know that Cape Cod invented the banana and the brown paper bag. They will also leave with everyday skills like how to not do heroin and how to tell the difference between a native and a New Yorker. Our school will be the bargain of the century, for a mere five thousand bucks a year we’ll teach your kid everything they need to know about how to not be douchebag.

Last but not least we will make it our mission to instill a solid moral fiber in each and every student resulting in a belief system that will repel any and all indecency. With this moral compass you can rest assured that no alumni of The Real Cape Elementary School will ever, under any circumstances, set foot within the borders of Wareham. And that my friends is the most any parent on Cape Cod can hope for their child.

MVGazette.com – The Wampanoag Tribe of Gay Head (Aquinnah) will proceed with efforts to build a casino on the Island after a referendum to quash the plan failed by two votes.

The vote, held at a general membership meeting on Feb. 16, effectively confirmed a previous vote taken in May 2012, when tribal members moved to convert their 6,000-square-foot community center in Aquinnah into a Class II gaming facility.

A two-thirds majority was required to overturn the measure, and according to several reports the measure was two votes shy of reaching a majority.

This has gone back and forth a few times. Now that it looks like it is moving forward again we are going to mail it in and re post our original Casino on Martha’s Vineyard blog:

We’ve talked about what the Mashpee Wampanoag Casino will do to our townie wallets. I joked about how we will all be broke every Monday because there is nothing to do on The Cape in the off season. Well that was child’s play compared to this Casino that looks like it’s going to happen on The Vineyard (yes that is really a photo of the building).

Let me preface this by saying again that I am all for tribal casinos, the Wampanoag’s deserve every cent they make from these, but holy crap is a casino on the Vineyard an absolute game changer. Year round residents won’t be broke on Mondays, they will be for real broke, like Detroit broke.

Imagine being trapped on an island in February with a god damn casino? We think there is nothing to do on the peninsula in the winter, but the islands are an entirely different animal. Every time anyone has two or more beers they will bee line it straight to the tables. After this casino opens there will be three distinct classes of people left on Martha’s Vineyard:

1. Summer People
2. People Who Don’t Drink
3. Homeless People

That’s it, that’s the list. The day this thing opens the locals who drink alcohol might as well quit their jobs, hand their kids over to DSS, and then drive right over to the casino to drop off the deeds to their houses and the titles to their cars. Why delay the inevitable? Just get it all done as fast as possible, hit the roulette table and put what’s left on black.

P.S. I hope the Vineyard builds some shelters to harbor all the mainland Cape degenerates who get stranded there because they can’t afford the Ferry ride home. (By “degenerates” I mean me and Insane Tony.)