CapeCodOnline.com – A Hyannis man pleaded not guilty Monday in Barnstable District Court to an assault charge stemming from a botched shoplifting attempt at a liquor store Friday.

Jacob Williams, 25, was spotted Friday afternoon on a security camera at the Luke’s Super Liquor store on Barnstable Road putting two bottles of liquor in his jacket, according to a police report filed in court.

When store employees stopped him he gave them his identification but then ran out of the store, according to the report. One of the employees caught up with him and during the struggle Williams allegedly pulled a knife and escaped again, according to the report.

When the employee caught up with him again Williams again pulled out the knife, but another employee arrived on the scene and held him in a bear hug, according to the report.

Listen, I value a bottle of booze just as much as any degenerate on Cape Cod in February, but these two clerks have to know when to let it go. You are working in a store stocked with liquor, a couple of bottles just aren’t worth getting shanked over.

I understand that hero instincts kick in at first and you naturally want to chase someone who robs you, but as soon as the blade comes out it’s game over. If this is me I walk back to the store, open up a bottle of whiskey and start drinking heavily as a pre-emptive strike against post traumatic stress disorder.

I’m not saying the dude who put this guy in a bear hug isn’t a hero. I’m sure his boss is going to give him the good parking spot for at least a month for saving those two bottles of booze. What I am saying is that a few bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 just aren’t worth getting stabbed over. That parking spot isn’t going to help when you are lying in a hospital bed getting your face stitched up while a nurse injects you with the first round of Hep C antibiotics.

WickedLocal.com – This is your opportunity to be an unwilling but helpful cog in the wheel of epidemiological science.

If you’re bitten by a deer tick, the state of Massachusetts doesn’t want you – it wants that tick.

“We’re working out the details of how people will do this,” explained Larry Dapsis, the entomologist with Cape Cod Cooperative Extension. “We will have preaddressed mailers probably at town board of health offices. We’ll try to make it as easy as possible. Ideally people will submit ticks they find on themselves so they can know what they’ve been exposed to.”

This is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard in 3.2 years. I would literally rather get Anthrax or Ricin in the mail than a fucking deer tick. I don’t think these scientists fully understand the fear that is instilled from birth in the average Cape Codders psyche when it comes to deer ticks.

The only thing children on Cape Cod are taught to fear more than deer ticks is people from Wareham. The mere sight of these tiny creatures will have a child limping around for days, swearing they see the dreaded “target” around the bite and declaring which siblings get which toys upon their death.

When you find a deer tick on your body you immediately strip down naked, douse all of your clothing in gasoline, light the lot on fire and make sure the tick burns to death right in front of your eyes. Now scientist want us to casually throw it in an envelope, put it in the car, drive it to a mailbox and just leave the thing out in the general public? No fucking thanks.

We’ve got a system already and it works for us. I’m pretty sure these scientists are going to have a hard time convincing Cape Codders to add hours of exposure time to Lyme Disease to their daily routines. So thanks for the offer but I’ll probably just take up AIDS needle juggling instead.

P.S. “Keaton always said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.” Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is deer ticks.” – Verbal Kint

With an extra bonus look at Falmouth Lumber and some mystery pizzeria. What a bizarre world when this was considered entertainment…

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From Old School to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)

I am sure everyone remembers the saga of The Wellfleet Ghost Bike. The Ghost Bike was a memorial tribute placed on the side of the road for Wellfleet teen Miles Tibbetts who was killed riding his bicycle. Well the Mass Department of Transportation with the type of infinite wisdom that only a state agency can display, decided it had to be removed since it was a ‘danger’ to motorists.

Our original rant on the issue can be read here, and there was a petition here if you want to get the entire history of the saga.

Today we are pleased to announce the bike has mysteriously re appeared. We were notified along with an email from someone close to the operation who also had this to say:

“Those who were part of the Special Ops ‘re-installation team’ know who they are and their muscle and willingness to be up god-awful early for young men on a weekend is greatly appreciated.”

A copy of an email sent to Representative Sarah Peake was also forwarded to us:

“This location is far from any use of the road even for a pedestrian, and was not ever a mown area; the ‘re-installation team’ had to do some brush clearing to site the Ghost Bike. It is anchored with sufficient weight that there is not risk of it blowing over or otherwise easily getting loose and becoming an obstacle (approx. 400 lbs of concrete).

We really feel that this addresses any actual safety concerns, and hope that it will be permitted the same courtesy as all the other Rt 6 memorials.

I hope MA DoT might shift focus to planning for biking lanes and safe crossings.”

Lastly and most importantly included in our correspondence was a little insight into who Miles was and what he meant to his friends;

Miles would have been taking SATs and thinking about which colleges to apply to if he lived this winter. Ray told him he belonged at Harvard. He was bright. Loved to argue his point with persuasion. He was an outstanding member of the Nauset wrestling team, and as a volunteer at Wellfleet Library, taught children how to play chess.

Miles was the friend who everyone trusted. He led the way among a generation of Lower Cape kids finding their way through the landscape of growing up. He embraced fun but could be so serious. They will always remember the Wellfleet 250 celebration fireworks, under the influence of the lively spark that was the spirit of Miles Tibbetts.

Let these kids have their Ghost Bike in memorial. It is easier than arranging a constant fireworks display …

If any of the idiots who were involved in the removal of this bike in the first place are reading this, just let it go. If this bike is removed again we will post one article per day calling out every single person in the Mass DOT by name to let everyone know that they have no empathy for a community mourning the loss of a kid.

To learn more check out Themilesfund.com or contact milesfund@gmail.com to donate

MVTimes.com – Appearing before the Martha’s Vineyard Commission (MVC) for the second time in two weeks, developer Sam Dunn attempted the regulatory equivalent of bowling’s 7-10 split. At a packed public hearing Thursday, night, Mr. Dunn attempted to mollify critics of the bowling alley/entertainment center he proposes to build in Oak Bluffs and meet commission member questions and concerns on a range of topics from parking to trees to bowling pin noise.

In a brief conversation Friday, Mr. Dunn, an experienced developer, expressed weariness with the demands of the hearing process.

“Regarding the noise, I don’t think we should be held to a standard higher than any of the neighbors,” he said. “Are they totally inaudible when they sit on their porch and talk or play the radio? The extra costs keep adding up.”

Mr. Dunn noted that he had provided additional studies on top of earlier studies, modified his project and cleared the project with the state Department of Environmental Protection (DEP).

“It took an additional $70,000 to get the DEP to sign off,” he said. “I gave up two lanes and shortened the hours, added affordable housing. They just keep chipping away. This can become a death of a thousand cuts if these things keep piling up.”

Just an absolute classic fun police situation here. This experienced developer is looking to bring a multi use facility that will generate jobs and only elevate The Vineyard’s status as a vacation destination. Sounds awful right?

So far they have made him lose two lanes and shorten hours. It’s as if these people have no idea how a business works. News flash, if you take away part of the income source and then limit the amount of time they can monetize what they have, eventually the numbers no longer work.

Sam Dunn’s “death by a thousand cuts” analogy is perfect for the Fun Police. They take a great idea that is good for the community and they nit pick it to death. Not only will they force you to make your patrons use sign language to keep the volume down, they will also make you offer free methadone in the section 8 apartments they forced you to build as well. Lord knows families from New York definitely want to navigate through the type of townies who rent affordable housing above a bowling alley every time they take the kids for a little ten pin.

Someone needs to build an entertainment complex for the Fun Police. It could be a big warehouse where there are projects going on in different areas. Each member gets to drum up a bunch of regulations for their pet project and the first one to bring their entire operation to a screeching halt while wasting the most possible money wins. Maybe this would keep them busy enough in their fake world that they’d stop dreaming up ways to ruin our real one.

Some of you might remember Can Man Recycling from this post when a reader sent us this close up photo of Fontana VII.

Well now we get to see Fontana VII in action. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays The Can Man from the swift completion of his appointed rounds. Obviously the owner is re inventing the redemption game. I guess that’s what happens when a Trinity Pawling graduate starts up a recycling bicycle fleet.

P.S. I’m still DYING to know what Fontanas I, II, III, IV, V and VI looked like.

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From Old School to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)

CapeNews.net – Benjamin Franklin once said that in life there are two things people can be certain about—death and taxes.

While people complain loudly about taxes, they generally avoid talking about the other altogether. But since October a group of roughly a dozen Falmouth residents have been putting their fears of death aside and discussing the subject once a month, over coffee, tea and cake (occasionally decorated with a miniature wooden coffin on top).

The meetings are intended to dispel the taboo nature of death and prepare attendees for the inevitable resolution of human life—that we all die.

Wait, where the hell are The Cape Cod Fun Police on this one? Forget Monster Shark Tournaments and live music, these people are taking fun to an entirely new level. Cakes with coffins on them? Funeral cost analysis? Discussing dying with dignity over coffee? No more live music for me, where do I sign up for the Death Cafe?

So obviously this is easy to make fun of, but this part struck a nerve…

Yesterday at the church Ms. Massey playfully showcased everything from a box of tissues to several books—to several miniaturized versions of wooden coffins, all to demonstrate the occasional irreverent tone brought to what can be a difficult subject for many. “You have to be able to laugh at it,” she said.

Hold on a sec here… “irreverent tone brought to what can be a difficult subject”? That sounds kind of familiar. “You have to be able to laugh at it” (difficult subject)? Um, sounds like a pretty solid philosophy to me.

So what is happening here is we have a group of people that are making light of something in order to lessen the gloominess and illuminate the humor in an otherwise serious subject? Yeah I think I can get behind that, so all the power to you folks. Sounds like The Death Cafe and The Real Cape’s missions aren’t that far off from each other.

P.S. I still wouldn’t be caught dead at The Death Cafe.