CCT – The Cape Cod National Seashore (CCNS) announced Tuesday that the off-road vehicle corridor is at near closure status. According to a CCNS release, less than half a mile is open for daytime off-road vehicle (ORV) access. Given the closures, parking fees are waived for ORV permit holders at Race Point and Herring Cove beaches in Provincetown and at Head of the Meadow Beach in North Truro, according to Price’s Tuesday announcement.

The near closure status is a result of beach cuts and piping plover hatchlings, according to the release. The closures are temporary and ORV access will reopen as soon as the plover and other shorebird broods fledge or move a safe distance from the ORV access areas.

An entire half mile just for little old us? And the Plovers get the rest of the National Seashore? Seems like a legit deal to me. It is such a generous gesture for the Seashore to waive the fees for the permit holders that can’t use what they already paid for though, somebody call Pepperidge Farms and get these saints a cookie.

Maybe all the ORV owners should just trade in their vehicles for hot air balloons. That way they can still enjoy the seashore but they won’t be endangering any Plovers. Although it would probably only be a matter of time before the Seashore people banned the balloons because they ruin the coyote’s view of the ocean.

Or, maybe an even better idea is for all of us residents of Cape Cod and taxpayers to decide to just stop paying these people’s salaries. I wonder how quickly they’d open the beaches back up when faced with the reality that we, not the birds, pay for their careers? I highly doubt the Piping Plover’s would even start them a Gofundme page.

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CCT – According to a Yarmouth police release, an officer responded to the area of Pleasant Street Wednesday evening to meet with a young woman who reported an incident involving a man in a truck. The 20-year-old woman told officers she was walking her dog along Pleasant Street just east of River Street around 5:20 p.m. when a man in a black (or blue) pickup truck passed her traveling east.

The woman told the officer she could tell the man was looking at her. A few minutes later, he reportedly drove back down Pleasant Street towards the woman, the release said. The driver pulled up next to the woman and allegedly told her to put her dog in the back of the truck and to get in, police said.

Wait a minute, he told her to “put the dog in the back of the truck and get in”? They are completely overlooking the real crime here. This guy needs to be locked up immediately on theft charges, he stole Frank Anthony’s best pickup line. He was probably gonna bring her to the Hyannisport Jetty with a six pack too. Stealin’ game? That’s a shame.

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Oh man, I really hope the person who called this in to the fire department called animal control too. The lion and the Elephant that are roaming around near that plane crash could really hurt someone.

You gotta be a certain kind of stupid to call the fire department thinking a plane crashed into a mini golf course.

thanks to Jen F for the tip

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CapeCodTimes.com – Town officials have met with a woman upset about rats she says are coming from her neighbor’s yard and what she claims is an unsightly blight on the neighborhood.

At issue is the Arline Path property of Eugene Mars, an 80-year-old mechanic whose yard is filled with cars, car parts and several canvas storage sheds. In an interview with the Times last month, Mars said the town would have to come with a search warrant and he would fight in court for his right to keep his yard the way it is, if necessary.

The problem: One woman’s trash and eyesore is another man’s treasured “stuff.”

“They told me his behavior is just to the right side of the law,” said Shaw, whose house is on Route 130 and backs up to Mars’ yard.

For example, when the Fire Department responded to a report that Mars was burning trash in his backyard, he had hot dogs he was cooking over the fire. It is legal to cook over an open cook fire.

Mars is in the process of putting a roof over his backyard that stretches the length of Shaw’s lot line. He told the Times he is merely replacing a roof that was destroyed by the winter’s heavy snow and so he doesn’t need a building permit.

Gotta love Eugene Mars. 80 years old and doesn’t give a FUCK. You wanna come into Eugene’s yard? Bring a warrant. You want him to remove that pile of Ford transmissions in the corner? Take him to court. You want him to put out the big ass garbage bonfire out back? Screw you he’s just roasting weenies. You don’t want him to put a roof over his entire yard? Prove it wasn’t already there.

There’s a ton of do’s and don’ts in the world today, and sometimes it can be tough to navigate the waters of our politically correct country. BUT, if there is one thing that tops the list of don’ts? You DO NOT tell an 80 year old mechanic how to live his life or what to do with his own property. You will be told to go fuck yourself 12 times out 10. Do you Eugene, I’ll bring the buns.

P.S. ‘Murrica.

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CCT – Tuesday night Bourne Public Schools issued a notice to the parents and guardians of students at Bourne High School regarding a “written statement” found at the school. The notice states that a “written statement” was found in one of the girls bathrooms after the close of school. The statement was found by a custodian.

The Bourne police were contacted and according to the school administration, the statement is not being considered a serious threat. “While the statement is considered to be a low level threat, we wanted to keep parents in the loop of communication as student safety and security is our top priority,” the notice read.

Hold up, this is what they consider “keeping parents in the loop”? Telling them about a “written statement” and vaguely alluding to a “low level threat” but not telling them what this “statement” said? That would be like a doctor telling you that they found “something” in your x-rays and you’re “kinda” sick and there’s a “low level” threat that you might die, but not tell you what they actually found and just let you wonder.

Listen, it’s probably nothing and didn’t even need to be mentioned, but once you cross the line to telling parents about it, you gotta go all the way. This isn’t keeping anyone “in the loop”, it’s actually the opposite, it’s getting them worried but not telling them why. Funny thing, some parents actually take their children’s safety kinda seriously, crazy I know.

Let’s go over two examples of what this “written statement” might say and see if we can open Bourne High School’s eyes about why once you tell people about something, you really need to go all the way.

Here’s two examples…

1. “I am losing my mind at this school, everyone is picking on me, I am going to buy a trench coat, a Marilyn Manson album, and an axe after school. Tomorrow they will all wish they never made fun of my black nail polish and the chain that connects my nose to my lip.”

2. “I hate my classmates so much that I am going to bring them cupcakes tomorrow and hope they get high blood pressure when they get old and it’s a real pain for them.”

Both written statements, both threats, but one is MUCH more alarming than the other. Transparency is great, keeping people in the loop is great, but Bourne did neither here. What they did is the equivalent of saying “Oooh, you’ll never believe what happened today…” and when the parents said “Oh my god what? WHAT!?” they said, “Oh nevermind, we can’t tell you”. We all learned you can’t pull that shit on people way back in kindergarten, the rile someone up and not tell them why move is one of the most loathed moves on earth. Bourne High might want to reconsider the way they “keep parents in the loop”.

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Stephanie and Steve are always a blast, they just let us ramble, which is dangerous on a medium controlled by the FCC.

We discussed everything from the fake black lady in Washington, how much Sturgis people hate us, AIDS, Alzheimer’s, and we even managed to sneak in some stuff about The Real Cape Music Festival, enjoy… (may take a few seconds to load)

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MassLive – A Cape Cod man was charged with driving while high on heroin after he nearly mowed down two cops and crashed into a fire hydrant in the Middlesex County city of Melrose, according to authorities.

Billy Boy, 34, of East Falmouth, was charged with heroin possession, reckless operation, driving under the influence of drugs, and leaving the scene of a personal-injury accident on Monday afternoon, police said.

Dotolo nearly ran down two officers, injuring one of them, before crashing into a fire hydrant on Lebanon Street around 3 p.m. and fleeing the scene of the accident, Melrose Police Chief Michael L. Lyle said.

Here is the thing about crazy Cape Cod criminals. Our guys can play at home and on the road. You think Billy Boy is gonna take a game off just because he’s not playing in front of the home crowd? Hell, no. He’s gonna go out there, shoot some H, mow down a couple of cops and take out a fire hydrant whether he’s in Melrose, East Falmouth, or Timbuktu. That’s how dedicated our players are, home or away, you can always expect 110% out of a genuine Cape Cod criminal.

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