CapeCodToday.com – The first passengers aboard JetBlue’s Flight 863 from JFK International Airport in New York to Barnstable Municipal Airport in Hyannis were treated to much more than JetBlue’s customary inflight television and endless snacks. The first passengers aboard the airline’s 100-seat, twin-engine Embraer E190 were greeted not only by their loved ones, but smiling town officials, pols and other local brass.

Chamber staff handed out swag bags stuffed with local goodies to the arriving passengers and those on the return flight to the Big Apple were also treated to a catered spread featuring white and blue frosted cupcakes and a presentation before their flight. There was even inflight seat bingo (with prizes including 20,000 TrueBlue®points) and a customary water cannon salute honoring the first landing.

First things first. We have a solid record of being staunch supporters of tourism here at The Real Cape. We want these people to visit Cape Cod and spend their money as much as anyone, but let’s slow down a little bit here…

Do we really need to give them swag bags, cupcakes and a fucking water cannon salute? These are New Yorkers, not hostages getting home from Iran. Let’s just all take a collective deep breath and remember Bucky Dent for a minute shall we?

P.S. Seriously? A water cannon salute?

P.P.S. What constitutes someone being referred to as “local brass”? My new goal in life is to become Cape Cod “local brass”.

CapeCodToday.com –

Cape Cod Healthcare’s (CCH) July blood drive schedule came with a sweet surprise. During the months of July and August, anyone who donates a pint of blood at one of CCH’s designated blood drives will receive a coupon for a free pint of ice cream plus a scoop at any of the three Friendly’s locations on Cape.

The program is a partnership between CCH, Friendly’s and the Cape Cod Baseball League.

Keeping a proper storage of blood at Cape Cod Hospital and Falmouth Hospital is a challenge, according to Constance Patten, director of the CCHC Blood Center. According to a release from CCH, forty units of blood are required to perform one open-heart surgery. Two hundred such procedures are performed at Cape Cod Hospital each year. One unit of blood only lasts between 35 to 42 days, compounding the challenge.

ICE CREAM!? DAMMIT!

This sounds like a great cause and all that jazz, but let’s be honest here, 90% of us read that headline and had a much better idea right? How perfect would a pint of blood for a pint of beer be?

Think about it for a second, just look at the bullet points:

• Less blood = Easier to get drunk.
• Free beer = Easier to get drunk

Done. Slam dunk. A pint of beer for a pint of blood would be the single most successful blood drive in the history of Cape Cod. Guaranteed.

P.S. Now all day I’ll be daydreaming about the Guinness dialysis machine idea I’ve had for years.

HyannisNews.com – A man allegedly took off all his clothes and stumbled around a private beach, approaching young women and trying to get them to join him…

At about 3:30pm, several Barnstable patrolmen rushed to the private beach at the end of Estey Ave for reports of man running around naked…

Hyannis News arrived just prior to police and started filming just as an officer approached the man. According to witnesses, the man sensed police were on their way and managed to slip on a pair of swim trunks just in time…

According to many witnesses, the man staggered up to three 19-year-old female sunbathers and tried to convince them to take off their bathing suits… saying, “Do you guys want to get naked… Why not, I’m getting naked..?”

The man then allegedly took all of his clothes off and stumbled around the small beach area totally naked…

The beach was crowded with local residents and the three woman he initially approached were horrified…

At one point he allegedly stood near a woman lying on the sand and aggressively addressed her trying to get her attention saying, “Hey! I’m talking to you…”

The frightened young women avoided making eye contact and tried to ignore him until police arrived…

According to witness, this is not the first time this man has belligerently harassed Estey Ave beach goers… For the better part of the summer so far, he has been known to show up intoxicated, trying to pick fights…

This guy made a big mistake. Everyone knows you don’t start off going to a beach to pick fights and then try to pull off the “let’s get naked, look I’m already naked” move. You’ve got to start off friendly, use a little charm before you drop trow, this guy has it all backwards.

As much as I hate to say it, this guy is actually not that far off with this trick. I have friends who have used this, I’ve seen the “since I’m naked, you might as well be naked” trick work quite a few times. Granted, those were with people that were inside the circle of trust, in seclusion, at night. It’s probably a bad idea to randomly try the no pants dance during daylight… in a public place… with complete strangers…

CL – Bondage Equipment – $300 (mid-Cape)