App-Hole In Edgartown Breaks Every Dumb Cape Criminal Record In One Night

OK This is a long one, we shortened it up and bolded the really good parts  but it is so good you may want to read the entire thing at the MVTimes.

Edgartown Police combined technology and old fashioned police work to track down a man they said is responsible for a late night burglary spree that began Tuesday night and extended into Wednesday morning, in the vicinity of 21st Street and Anthier’s Way.

Matthew D. Engstrume, 23, of Rhode Island, currently living at 23 Anthier’s Way in Edgartown was arraigned Friday in Edgartown District Court on one count of breaking and entering during the nighttime to commit a felony, and one count of larceny from a dwelling. Bail was set at $1,000.

In a telephone conversation Friday, Detective Sergeant Chris Dolby said Leah Selby was home from college for the holiday and asleep when her cell phone rang late at night. The call was from her father, which surprised her, Detective Dolby said, since Kevin Selby was also in the house.

She went downstairs to her parent’s room and woke her father up. As they investigated the curious cell phone call they discovered that someone had entered the house and stolen her mother’s purse containing her credit cards and keys, a laptop computer with years of family photos and the father’s cell phone.

The family called police who arrived about 1:30 am. As police investigated, the daughter’s phone rang. “Her phone started receiving incoming text messages from the father’s stolen phone,” Detective Dolby said, “to include pornographic pictures. So she lent her phone to us to keep the conversation going and further the search.”

The officers used the phone network to narrow down the location of the stolen phone and confirm that it was originating in the Ocean Heights area, but the provider was unable to pinpoint the signal.

On Wednesday morning, as people awakened and began to go outside, police began receiving reports of car break-ins that had occurred over the night. Based on the information from the phone company and reports of car break-ins, police began knocking on doors in the neighborhood.

Background surroundings in the room were visible in one of the pornographic photos of his private parts the thief sent to the victim.

“We could see the pine floors, the color of the interior, the hardware on the interior door, and a piece of cloth put down at the base of the door to prevent a draft, so we kind of knew what the interior would look like where the guy was located,” Detective Dolby said.

During their canvassing of the neighborhood, police went to a house Stop & Shop rents and is used to house employees. “I knocked on the door,” Detective Dolby said. “A young male came to the door and as I was speaking to him at the threshold I could see that the interior was definitely looking like a match to what we saw in the picture.”

The police explained that they had a description of the interior where the cell phone call had originated and asked if they could step inside. “He walked us right in the house and I asked if I could see an interior door,” Mr. Dolby said. “He led us to an interior door and it was a dead ringer to what we were looking at in the picture. One thing led to another and he admitted he had been in the house.”

Detective Dolby said there was no connection between Mr. Engstrume and the young woman, Mr. Selby or any of the victims. “He went through the victim’s phone and he sent pornographic pictures and messages to every female in Kevin’s phone,” Detective Dolby said.

Asked about Mr. Egstrume’s state of mind, Detective Doby said, “He appeared to be under the influence of something, we’re not quite sure.”…

“I’ve thought for many years that they are great at community policing and great at real policing,” Mr. Kildegaard said.  “We are well served by this department. This arrest provided just another reason to be impressed by the quality of their work.”

So let’s get this all straight. This dude broke into a house and stole a bunch of crap that included a cell phone. He then proceeded to send dick pics to every female contact in the phone. The first of which resulted in a girl receiving a sext message from her father’s phone.

Stolen phone and different penis or no, that has got to leave a lasting memory. I mean she saw a dick on a screen in a text from her father’s number. You can’t un see something like that.

Next the police are in possession of the phone, tracking the guy and he keeps sending dick pics at a rate that would make Anthony Wiener blush. All of this time, he is in other homes he broke into and showing distinct backgrounds in his sexts that prove where he was every step of the way.

Bro, I have never in my life heard of any human being in any situation that could have benefited more from taking five seconds to download Snapchat. Snapchatting is rule number one in the dick pic game. Throw in the fact that you are sexting an entire island of women, while breaking into houses and being tracked by police and you pretty much have the single best reason in the history of everything to have Snapchat. Like, Snapchat may want to buy the rights to your story to make a commercial.

Straight rookie shit from Mathew Engstrume here. When he was a teenager he probably made crank calls without dialing *67 first.

This dude is so dumb he’s probably just sitting in jail with no idea he can make a phone call, or bail himself out. Someone let this douche know that we have these newfangled things called Lawyers now too. Might want to get one of those Matty Boy, I have a feeling they are going to figure out a few other things to charge you with.

I’m pretty sure they can charge you as a war criminal as a matter of fact. I think you might have violated the Geneva Convention with those dick pics of mass destruction.