Sign Of The Capeocalypse – Mashpee Will Start School Before Labor Day Next Year

CapeCod.com – It will be an early start to the 2015 school year in Mashpee.

School administrators and the teachers union have agreed to start school before Labor Day, with the holiday falling as late as it possibly can in September this year.

The move is a first for the town, which always starts after the holiday.

That sound you hear in the distance is the hopes and dreams being sucked out of thousands of little bodies. Oh the children. The children that will never know what it’s like to receive a letter in the mail. The children that will never know the joys of mapping out a road trip on a paper map. The children that will now never know the true meaning of Labor Day weekend. Goodnight sweet children, may your childhood rest in peace.

The horror… the horror…