National Weather Dude Guy Says This Winter On Cape Cod Isn’t That Bad

wellfleet ice

photo by Dapixara – After the pummeling of the past two months, Boston has found itself on the cusp of a city record for snowfall, needing just shy of 2 inches to match the 107.6 inches amassed in 1995-96.

But Cape Cod, in the words of National Weather Service spokesman Bill Simpson, is “not close to a record.”

Measuring snow is almost more of an art than a science, with observers having to take drifting into account, careful not to dip their rulers into snow from a previous accumulation. And any talk of records must take into account that snowfalls have only been documented in recent history, with phrases such as “recorded history” or “100-year record” stopping short of anything too definitive.

Listen Mr. National Weather Whatever Guy, you can dip your ruler right into your own ass as far as I’m concerned. I don’t care about drifting, previous accumulation, recorded history or any of that crap. This is the worst winter on Cape Cod in the history of everything, simple as that. Yesterday, a Woolly Mammoth wandered into my backyard and immediately killed himself when he saw how much snow there was. Bob Dylan officially changed the lyrics to “you don’t need a weatherman to tell how much this winter blows”. That’s how bad it is.

So, the National Weather Whoever can sit in whatever office they are in, keep doppling each other’s barometers, and tell us this winter is “not close to a record” all they want. Meanwhile, the people that actually live on Cape Cod will all unanimously tell you that on the crazy scale of 1-10, this winter is Gary Busey.

Freakin’ Al Gore. The dude invents global warming, sells out to Al Jazeera, and we never see his ass again. I knew those hanging chads would come back to bite us in the ass. It’s all Florida’s fault really.

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