Cape Cod Craigslist Ad Of The Day – HEY FATSO – 38 (Chatham)

craigs

CL – HEY FATSO – 38 (CHATHAM)

Thanks for parking your bloated SUV 6 microns away from me today at oddlot…a quick trip for gardening supplies became a living hell. Your obese, shovel-faced daughter stopped stabbing furtively at her android phone long enough to give me the severe “stink eye” as I “flat stanley-d” myself into my car…THANK GOD IM SLENDER, not a friggin whale like you and your honey boo boo-like child. I hope you rot in hell. It’s obvious its alllll about you, 24/7. When your husband leaves you…(and he will) realize it is because you are a horror. Your dim-witted, mouth breathing daughter is waiting in the wings to echo your godzilla like footsteps…so much for “breaking the cycle”…….GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Holy shit guy face! Someone woke up on the wrong side of the psychiatrists couch this morning. If a person parking too close to you at Ocean State Job Lot sends you into such a tizzy that your life becomes “a living hell” then you may want to re-think leaving the house anymore. You might have a deeper problem than you are letting on in this ad, probably a good idea to look into that.

Forget glaucoma, this is why weed needs to be prescribed to some people. Hey guy face, next time do a bong rip before you go shopping. If someone parks kinda close, instead of hoping they rot in hell and telling them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES, you’ll probably just go “whoah man…  nice car”, forget why you are there, buy a candy bar and pretend you are in a Mission Impossible scene squeezing back into your car.

Doesn’t that sound so much better than popping a blood vessel in your forehead over a couple of people who don’t even know you exist?

P.S. Xanax

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