HOUSTON, TX — There are some people who’ve never seen a $2 bill, including, it would seem police, school officials and cafeteria workers in Houston who were convinced an eighth-grader was using counterfeit money to buy chicken nuggets during lunch.
But the $2 bill is a real thing — a legal denomination of U.S. currency first issued in the early part of the 20th century, produced until 1966 and then reissued ten years later. It’s got a picture of Thomas Jefferson on the front and a reproduction of The Declaration of Independence by John Trumbull on the reverse side.
Yet when student Danesiah Neal tried to pay for her chicken nuggets with such a bill, the purchase was flagged. Police were called.
According to media reports, the scene of the “crime” was Fort Bend Independent School District’s Christa McAuliffe Middle School, just outside Houston proper.
“I went to the lunch line, and they said my $2 bill was fake,” the eighth-grader told KTRK-TV. “They gave it to the police. Then they sent me to the police office. A police officer said I could be in big trouble.”
Well I guess there’s another reason why it pays to grow up on Cape Cod. We all know the $2 bill is real and we know it well. How many poor Dunkin’ Donuts girls have been handed a $2 bill still stinking of stripper sweat as a tip for a medium regular from a plumber with bloodshot eyes?
How many wives have quickly asked their husbands for a couple bucks in line at the store only to be handed the surest sign of a recent visit to Zachary’s. And how many men have slept on the couch that night because of it.
Here on Cape Cod we learn to respect the $2 bill. Whenever a $2 bill changes hands on Cape Cod, looks of guilt, silent camaraderie, shame and sometimes laughter come with it. In Houston the police are called if someone tries to use a $2 bill. On Cape Cod each policeman has at least 3 of them in their wallet right now.
The $2 bill on Cape Cod is the great equalizer, one man could be down on his luck wearing rags, while a man with a $5,000 suit sits next to him, but that $2 bill, at that moment in time, while Whitesnake plays over the loudspeakers? That $2 bill makes them equals in the eyes of Roxxxy, and just for a moment, for that one sliver of time, we are all equal men… men who like boobies.
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