VIDEO: Taking A Swim In Cape Cod Bay From A Dogs Perspective

By Hippie

27 Mar

 

Absolutely mesmerizing. This might be the greatest motivational video of all time. If you can manage to enjoy one thing in your life 1/10th as much as this lab enjoyed this swim then you are doing just fine. Pure, unadulterated joy. Freakin’ dogs man, they got it all figured out.



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Hey Piping Plovers… At Least You Aren’t In Florida

By Hippie

26 Mar

WPTV – A Facebook video that shows what appears to be a West Palm Beach man with a federally-protected owl in his car is going viral and getting the attention of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission.

In the video, you see a man with a Great Horned Owl driving with it in his lap.

The video caption says: “3am in the morning we are drunk and we are high. We bout to take this thing home and eat it up just found it on the road.”

David Hitzig, with Busch Wildlife Sanctuary, is also aware of the video.

“In the video you see them picking up some type of alcohol bottle, drinking, and in the comments they are talking about being drunk and high and taking this owl home to eat it,” Hitzig said.

Hitzig says the owl is protected by Federal and State law.

“Having an owl like this in your possession is a felony…to me the concern is what happened to the owl, where the owl is now, and did anyone cause harm to the owl,” Hitzig said.

And Piping Plovers think they have it bad on Cape Cod? We rope off areas of beach and build them condos and they still need more protection. We should install flat screens on the beaches and play this video on a loop so the Plovers can see what real danger is. Maybe they’ll smarten up and start appreciating what they have.

Hey Plovers, you think it’s tough to survive alongside a bunch of Cape Codders? Try being a Great Horned Owl and living with these dudes that want to throw you in a crock pot at 3 a.m. with a pint of Hennessy and garnish your ass with a few buds of chronic. You have no idea how good you have it Piping all over our peninsula with no recourse.

P.S. How about the wildlife guy doing the Walter Sobchack: “Also, let’s not forget – let’s *not* forget, Dude – that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that ain’t legal either.” Thanks for the info brah.



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These People Worried About Rumble Strip Noise Are Worse Than The Fun Police

By Hippie

26 Mar

route 6

CapeCodTimes.com – Installation of centerline rumble strips on sections of Route 6 in Wellfleet to help curb head-on crashes caused by driver distraction is expected to be completed by Memorial Day. A handful of citizens have expressed concerns, though, about the noise of the rumble strips, their location and whether they will help.

You have got to be kidding me. Route 6 is more dangerous than Wareham and citizens are concerned about the noise of these rumble strips? How self absorbed can people possibly get? Yeah they make noise, that’s what they are supposed to do. If you are hearing the sound of a rumble strip, it means that someone is about to drive off the road or into the other lane. Do you know what is louder than the sound of a rumble strip? The sound of a head on collision, people screaming, and sirens.

I can’t believe we actually found people worse than The Fun Police. If you hate noise so much that you are willing to risk peoples lives for your precious silence, then J.D. Salinger your ass into the woods and stay there. We are trying to conduct a society here folks, we can’t do it in a vacuum.



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Yarmouth PD Parking Lot Is Now A Safe Zone To Meet Strangers From The Internet

By Hippie

25 Mar

craigslist

CapeCodTimes.com – Erik Tolley, chairman of the Yarmouth Board of Selectmen, said he has accompanied his wife to buy sports equipment from strangers through Craigslist, a community website where employers can post job ads, people can sell everything from cars to coats, and singles can look to mingle.

Tolley’s wife has had no problems with her transactions, but while watching the news Tuesday morning Tolley saw a story reporting that 45 people have died in Craigslist robberies across the country since 2009.

“Unfortunately we have it on the news all too often,” Tolley said Tuesday afternoon. After watching the report and hearing how police departments across the country are starting to offer their parking lots as transaction zones, Tolley emailed Yarmouth Police Chief Frank Frederickson and Deputy Chief Steven Xiarhos.

Shortly before 2 p.m. the department announced that its parking lot, which is under camera surveillance, would be available as a “safe zone” for members of the public to conduct Craigslist and other online transactions.

Aw come on, we’re taking all the fun out of Craigslist. Where is our sense of adventure? Part of buying things from strangers on online classified ad sites is the possibility that you might end up in their freezer. That’s the trade off, you want to buy something super cheap from a total stranger? Well, be prepared to risk waking up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys. Take that possibility away and you take away the soul of the internet.

Someday we are going to describe the early days of the internet to our grandchildren like it was the wild, wild west. While they are getting iPhone 12’s delivered to their door by drones, we’ll be reminiscing about the time we bought their first XBox from a crackhead in the parking lot of a Stop and Shop. Poor kids will never know the exhilaration of not knowing if you’re about to get a great deal on a flat screen TV with no remote or if you’re about to get stabbed in the neck with a broken meth pipe. Talk about life in a bubble.



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Fuel Tanker Attempts To Murder Cape Cod Bushes At Bourne Rotary

By Hippie

25 Mar

bourne tanker

WCVB – The tanker carrying approximately 11,500 gallons of fuel tipped over at about 11 p.m. Tuesday near a topiary shaped into the words “Cape Cod.”

An estimated 5,000 gallons spilled, said Ed Coletta, a spokesman for the state Department of Environmental Protection.

Most of it appears to have soaked into the soil, but some of the gasoline and the foam got into the catch basins and made its way to the Cape Cod Canal, he said. What does not evaporate will be contained with booms and removed.

“We’ll dig out the soil in the rotary and replace it with clean fill, and the storm drains and catch basins will be flushed,” he said.

There was no immediate danger to area homes or businesses, he said.

An oily sheen has been spotted on the canal, according to Coast Guard Petty Officer 2nd Class LaNola Stone.

I’m sure everyone has heard about the fuel tanker that flipped over and spewed its contents all over the Bourne Rotary last night. Well, once again the mainstream media is completely ignoring the real story. Does anyone actually think it is coincidence that the Cape Cod bushes were covered in snow for 3 months, and just when they became visible again a tanker dumps 5,000 galloons of fuel on their root system and into the Canal?

I don’t want to be an alarmist but it’s fairly obvious what is going on here. We have known that bitch Mother Nature has had it in for us for months now, but last nights events seem to prove that she is conspiring with the oil companies in an elaborate plot against Cape Cod.

Why, you ask, would the oil companies join forces in this scheme against us? It’s simple really, oil companies are notoriously greedy, someone must have paid them to do this dastardly deed. But who? Who is capable of such a malicious attack against our peninsula? Well I don’t claim to have the answers, but I have compiled a list of suspects. It may be one of them, it may be none, but they all have one thing in common… motive.

Suspect #1 – Wareham – Long has the red headed stepchild wanted to be part of Cape Cod. For years Wareham has been claiming to be part of the most elite geographical club north of the equator. Kill the bushes and the tourists won’t know where Cape Cod officially begins. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if a Cape Cod sign made of stolen copper pops up on the northern Wareham border in the next few days.

Suspect #2 – The Fun Police – It is a widely known fact that The Fun Police don’t want anyone visiting Cape Cod and enjoying themselves. They thought they had it made when the bushes were covered in snow and as soon as it starting melting they panicked. They’ve been trying to murder our economy for years, would it really surprise you if they tried to murder our bushes?

Suspect #3 – God Himself – This theory is a little different than the others. We all know that god loves Cape Cod and its inhabitants, in fact on one drunken night he told Mrs. God that he loved us the most (he thought all of his children were sleeping but a few Texans overheard him). So why would god do this? Maybe he knows that Cape Codders are the closest he ever came to perfection. Maybe he created tourists so outsiders could visit and learn from us. Maybe he finally realized that the rest of humanity will never compare to his flagship creation and he decided to do what he can to reverse tourism. Maybe this is just the first of many acts meant to close the bridges and poison the canal in an attempt to isolate the chosen ones from the heathens…

P.S. The true lesson here is this, if anyone learns anything from this post, it should be to never write blogs when you are sick and just drank half a bottle of NyQuil. Now if you will excuse me, there is a purple iguana staring at me from my kitchen that I need to go deal with…



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Lax Bros Rejoice! Monomoy Regional To Field Lacrosse Teams Next Year

By Hippie

24 Mar

monomoy sharks

WL – The Monomoy Sharks will unveil a new sport this spring, as both boys and girls lacrosse will be introduced in the coming weeks.

Initially playing as a club team, both teams will look to grow and establish themselves in the coming years.

“We took a poll, and lacrosse was the main sport people in the community wanted to see offered,” said Monomoy Athletics Director Paul “Spanky” Demanche, adding that the teams had been budgeted into the 2015 budget.

Finsanity! Shampoo your lettuce and throw some fabric softener in with your mid calf tube socks, it’s time to play some lax!

The question I keep asking myself is if the poll was really necessary though. Oh, you mean the kids of Harwich and Chatham on Cape Cod voted for lacrosse? I almost knocked off my $3 hot pink wayfarers adjusting my flat brimmed hat I was so shocked by these poll results.

I would have thought they built Monomoy High School out of lacrosse sticks and glue.



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Mashpee Elementary School Censors Film Made By 10 Year Old Student

By Hippie

24 Mar

censorship

CapeNews.net – A student film that raised concerns among administrators at Quashnet Elementary School will not be screened publicly, the parent advisor to the film project told The Mashpee Enterprise on Wednesday, March 18.

Students in the Quashnet Filmmakers’ Club began shooting the film, titled “School of Fates,” in May 2014. The five-minute short film, which was directed by 10-year-old Quashnet student Gavin Wills, was shot at the school and follows a dream sequence experienced by the film’s actors. Eight other Quashnet students also acted in or worked on the five-minute film, said Morgan J. Peters, the club’s parent advisor.

“Gavin is a very precocious young man,” Mr. Peters said. “He came in with an idea and we went ahead with it. I thought it was cool. It was very innovative.”

While she said she supports the club, Quashnet principal, Patricia DeBoer said she took issue with the tone of the film, which she found too dark and said failed to promote a safe school atmosphere at Quashnet. She added that while she was aware students were making a film, she did not see a finished version of the film prior to receiving Mr. Peters’s e-mail.

“Protocol-wise, there are a lot of things that should have been done,” Ms. DeBoer said, adding that parents of children involved in the making of the film also expressed concerns with the film. “It’s unfortunate that this comes at the expense of the children’s hard work.”

Mr. Peters said he planned on screening the film on Mashpee TV, but announced Wednesday, March 18, that the film would not be aired in light of concerns from school officials.

“If they don’t support it, I have to respect it,” he said. “But I also have to support this young man’s vision. He worked hard on this film.”

Welcome to the real world Gavin. Usually overly politically correct government institutions wait until you are older to try and suck the will to live a creative life right out of you, but it looks like Quashnet Elementary is adhering to a policy of crushing hopes and dreams through censorship a little earlier than average. Gavin just learned phrases like “issue with tone”, “protocol”, and “failure to promote a safe atmosphere” at the tender age of… TEN.

Seriously, this situation is just gross. Do you know what I was doing when I was ten years old? I was in the woods eating sticks. This kid is dreaming up plot lines and creating films. It may not be a good idea to stifle those urges or at some point Gavin is going to give up on being ambitious and start looking for some nice soft pine to chew on.

Hey Gavin, I feel ya man, but don’t give up. I wasn’t allowed to write whatever I wanted so I just started my own website. Technology is a beautiful thing and it means you won’t have to rely on stuffy school administrators to approve your creativity for very much longer. Until then, if you want people to see your films, send ‘em to us, we will publish every single one.

P.S. Unless they completely suck, we may hate authority, but we don’t publish total crap either.

P.P.S. Also, a big thumbs down for whomever’s decision it was to not screen the film on Mashpee TV. You didn’t need to follow suit and bow to the irrational censorship of a school administration, have a spine will ya?



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