Video Of Fistfight At Chatham Committee Meeting Results In Firing Of Member

CHATHAM — In the wake of a widely publicized fight at a March 31 meeting, the selectmen have decided to remove David Davis from the town’s Waterways Advisory Committee.

Davis was involved in an altercation with Aunt Lydia’s Cove Committee Chairman Doug Feeney at a joint session of the two boards.

At that meeting, during a discussion about raising nonresident fees, an argument broke out that resulted in an outburst of foul language from both men and an exchange of blows that was quickly broken up. But the video of the fight spread on the Internet and led to apologies from Feeney and Davis.

What is the world coming to when two grown men can’t throw some blows over raising nonresident fees? Just the other day I put my fist through a wall just thinking about those damn nonresident fees. This isn’t some simple political problem like chicks with dicks in the ladies room, this is real life shit we are talking about here. Sometimes the only way to come to a conclusion on a matter as complicated as nonresident fees is to make a run at anyone who disagrees with you and throw a few haymakers. This is ‘Merica dammit.

I’ll tell you what, Feeney and Davis should both be on the waterways committee for life as far as I’m concerned. Go ahead and try to find anyone with more passion for Chatham’s waterways. If a grown man is willing to thrown down in an old fashioned fist fight over waterways? Over nonresident fees? You put that motherfucker on the waterways committee and you get the hell out of his way.

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Cape Cod Marijuna Dispensaries To Open This Fall – Just In Time For Full Legalization


CCT – Dispensary proposals for Dennis, Bourne, Brewster and Mashpee have been steadily inching their way through the state’s lengthy review process, and medical marijuana should be available on Cape Cod by mid-fall.

A dispensary on Echo Road in Mashpee likely will be the first on the Cape to open its doors, with a planned startup in early October. Medical Marijuana of Massachusetts, the nonprofit organization pursuing dispensary licenses in Plymouth and Mashpee, will cultivate and process the marijuana for both operations in a large building in a Plymouth industrial park.

Hey look at that, dispensaries that the public voted for by a landslide THREE years ago are finally going to open mid-fall. Just in time for when weed becomes recreationally legal by a landslide vote in November. It’s a good thing the state collected millions of dollars from people for med cards that were useless for three years. Oh, it was also nice of them to take millions from the people who applied to open dispensaries as well. Now those people get to open their shops right at the same time Cumberland Farms starts selling weed.

The Big Dig, The T, Medical Marijuana, you name it, if it has the potential to be something progressive and great for the state of Taxachusetts, you can bet your ass the powers that be will totally screw it up somehow. Colorado is out there wiping their asses with $100 bills and building schools with their weed tax money, meanwhile we are waiting 7 hours for the train and our kids are playing hot cross buns on toilet paper rolls in their combo music/health/woodshop/gym class.



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Seashore Turkey Hunt On The 25th – Why Can’t We Just Shoot Them In The Street?

cape cod turkey

CCT – The annual spring turkey hunt at the Cape Cod National Seashore (CCNS) will begin on Monday, April 25. This is the fifth season for the hunt, according to a CCNS release. The 2016 turkey hunt will run for through Saturday, May 21, and coincide with the state turkey hunting season, which continues for an additional week.

Who needs to go all the way the Seashore? These chumps are all over the place. I say it’s time for open season on these turkey bastards. They’re terrorizing mailmen, causing traffic jams and waltzing down Main St. like they’re checking out the spring fashions.

We’ve got seals taking over our beaches, turkeys in the streets, fisher cats eating poodles… Whatever happened to being on top of the food chain? Apex predators? Have we all gone so soft that animals are taking over our peninsula? What’s next? Will we come home to raccoons in our living rooms, chilling on the couch, eating all of our snacks and controlling the remote all night?

It would be one thing if turkey’s were cute. I could wait a few minutes for a Koala bear to cross the road, but a turkey? Get on my plate or GTFO.

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This Fake DUI Checkpoint Article is Why “Patch” Websites Suck Giant Donkey Balls


patch sucks

PATCH – A DUI checkpoint will be held near Falmouth tonight. Please share!

A sobriety checkpoint will be held in Plymouth County tonight.

State Police will conduct the checkpoint. The exact location and time was not revealed, per State Police policy.

“The purpose is to further educate the motoring public and strengthen the public’s awareness to the need of detecting and removing those motorists who operate under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs from our roadways,” State Police Superintendent Richard McKeon. “It will be operated during varied hours, the selection of vehicles will not be arbitrary, safety will be assured, and any inconveniences to motorists will be minimized with advance notice to reduce fear and anxiety.”

Talk about your all time bait and switch headline. I guess the Falmouth Patch people were busy compiling lists about how if you’ve ever been to the beach once then you MUST be from Cape Cod! I guess they didn’t have time to realize that Plymouth County is not in or near Falmouth, nor is it on Cape Cod. Everyone should stop following these PATCH sites, they are a compilation of automated garbage.

The last thing we need around here is some false alarm that causes the boozehounds to toss their Fireball nips on the side of the road at a higher rate than normal. I had to borrow a friends trailer to get them all out of my yard once the snow melted. They should really start putting tiny GPS units in those nip bottles. How great would it be to show up at some slobs house and when he opens the door just dump a bucket of empty Fireball nips on his head like some boozebag version of the ice bucket challenge for ALS.

Here’s your nips back you littering shitbag.

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Cape Cod Dental Office To Hold Free Dental Care Day

teeth shane

BREWSTER — East Brewster Dental will hold a Free Dentistry Day on April 30 at its 11 Bay State Court offices.

The practice has been holding free dental care clinics for the community for 10 years in recognition of the growing number of people without dental insurance.

Patients 18 or older may choose among a free cleaning, filling or extraction, according to a statement from the practice. Services will be provided between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Registration will begin at 7:30 a.m. Patients will be accepted on a first-come, first-served basis, with the first 100 people guaranteed to be seen, according to the statement.

This is phenomenal. To the point where this dentist should win a Nobel Teeth prize or something. For 10 years they’ve been reaching their hands into the pie holes of uninsured sea hags for an entire day? Big high five from us to East Brewster Dental… after you sanitize your hands of course.

Now, with all that said, I don’t want any dentists in Wareham or Lynn reading this and getting any ideas. Don’t you even dare try something like this unless you want your offices to look like a Wal Mart on Black Friday after it was announced that they stocked it to the ceiling with brand new Air Jordans and XBOX 9’s.

The only reason this idea has been so successful is because it’s in Brewster. 9 out of 10 people born and raised on Cape Cod don’t even know where Brewster is. Whatever you do, DON’T try this shit in Hy Town. It will only be a matter of minutes until you’ll have homeless people swinging from the drapes asking you to implant their crack pipes into their teeth holes.

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Does The Cape Cod Commission Hate The Gays? Chick Fil A Location Approved

chick fil a cape cod

By Geoff Spillane

HYANNIS —The Chick-fil-A fast food restaurant chain has received approval from the Cape Cod Commission to open its fourth stand-alone Massachusetts location in Hyannis.

The 5,219-square-foot restaurant with a drive-through window will be located at the intersection of Enterprise Road and Iyannough Road (Route 132), on a leased 1.74-acre parcel previously designated as overflow parking for the Cape Cod Mall.

The regional regulatory agency issued a certificate to Chick-fil-A last week, signed by Paul Niedzwiecki, executive director of the Commission, confirming that the project complies with the Barnstable County Regional Policy Plan.

The privilege of selling its signature chicken sandwiches, waffle fries and salads on Cape Cod will carry an added price tag for the chain, over and above construction and operational costs.

Chick-fil-A will be required to pay $25,886 to the Town of Barnstable Affordable Housing Growth Development Trust Fund, as well as $258,000 in traffic mitigation costs, according to terms outlined in a transportation improvement program attached to the certificate.

Chick-fil-A has already received approval from the town of Barnstable Zoning Board of Appeals, is fully permitted from a zoning perspective and is expected to receive its building permit soon, according to Elizabeth Jenkins, principal planner for the town of Barnstable.

Chick-fil-A is known almost as much for its conservative Christian beliefs and politics as it is for chicken sandwiches.

The restaurant chain was boycotted in 2012 for the anti-same-sex marriage sentiments of its president and the millions in donations the company made to anti-gay organizations.The controversy prompted the late Boston Mayor Thomas Menino to tell the chain that it was not welcome in the city.

“To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come into contact with Chick-fil-A,” is the chain’s corporate purpose as stated on its website.

So if you pay a few hundred thousand bucks, you get approval, and screw the gays huh? That’s the way we’re doing things here on the Cape now? Seems fair to local small businesses. Even Mumbles Menino had the balls to stand up to Chick Fil A and he probably thought it was a gas station that only hot girls work at. Well, at least the Cape Cod gays know their exact dollar value now, maybe we should start a Gay Fund Me account and see if we can raise more than the $258,000 to keep Chick Fil A off the Cape.

You have to wonder how far this paying cash for permits method the Cape Cod Commission has adopted will go? If Hitler’s Lampshade Emporium gives Yarmouth a few hundred thousand bucks will they be allowed to open as well? Maybe we could launch a Kony’s Kids Child Development School in Chatham. How far on the wrong side of history does something have to be to get rejected? If we just do away with morals altogether we could be as rich as Dubai and pave Rte. 6 with solid gold.

What you really have to love though, is the “corporate purpose” statement on Chick Fil A’s website… “To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us”. They really need to add… “except for chickens and fags, we’ll just stuff those into tiny coops and not let them get married”.

P.S. The bottom line is that this company does its best to help impair the basic civil rights of a section of our population simply because they are different. So screw them. Plus, without gays how would we know if our belts match our shoes?

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State House Passes Bill To Officially Make Wareham Part Of Cape Cod


WQUK Boston – When the Massachusetts State House passed the first bill on the docket on Thursday, most representatives weren’t aware of a hidden provision that was added at the last minute by a Wareham Representative. The provision, which will add the town of Wareham to Barnstable County and call for the editing of official state maps to include Wareham as part of Cape Cod, was hidden inside of House Bill 4043, which passed easily.

When asked about the controversial bill, which at face value deals with the re-districting of town elections in a handful of South Shore towns, most State Reps readily admitted they weren’t aware of the late addition which will reconfigure Cape Cod to include Wareham. One Representative went so far as to call the Bill a blatant manipulation of the political process.

We haven’t posted here on The Real Cape in quite some time, but we simply could not let this news slip by without bringing it to your attention. Somehow this hasn’t attracted the mainstream media attention we think it deserves so we dug up as much as we could about it in order to shine a light on a move that could be disastrous to the Cape as we know it.

Many Cape Cod officials have expressed fear that the change could be detrimental to the Cape and especially its tourism industry. One citizen said he is worried that “The addition of Wareham to Cape Cod will drastically increase the amount of $600 cars equipped with $3,000 rims, which will cost Barnstable County untold amounts of money in excise tax.”

April Springer, a Cape based director of retail development was quoted as saying “My concern with Wareham being part of Cape Cod is that national retailers located on the Cape like Macy’s and TJ Maxx will mistakenly change their inventory to only carry jean shorts, Affliction t-shirts and Hanes mid calf tube socks due to the updated demographics.”

Not all officials were against Bill 4043 though, when he was made aware of the hidden provision, Townesie Van Zandt, a member of the Wareham Chamber of Commerce said “Cape Cod should be thrilled to have Wareham become the peninsula’s 16th town. Wareham brings quite a bit to the table, we’ve got Marc Anthony’s Pizza and… umm… we still have payphones too.”

Meanwhile, after questioning hundreds of Cape Codders, we could only find two supporters of House Bill 4043.

“Slim” Timmy Tesno who owns both Slim’s Boost Mobile Flip Phone Mart and Timmy’s Starter Jacket Emporium (which recently expanded to sell Chinese knock-off Patriots jerseys) loves the move and seems to think the addition of Wareham will be great for business at both of his establishments.

Also strongly in favor of Wareham becoming part of Barnstable County was a pregnant woman we questioned in a Cumberland Farm’s parking lot who declined to share her “government name”.  In between puffs of a Newport and sips from a Fireball nip, the woman eloquently gloated about the amount of gas money she would save by not having to travel over the bridge for her baby daddy’s court dates.

The bottom line is the Cape needs a strong leader to fight Bill 4043. Before we know it the bridges will be bustling with people coming from Wareham to steal our jobs, abuse our school systems and healthcare services, and terrorize our citizens. If we could only find a leader who would replace the Canal with a giant wall, someone who will call for an outright ban of Wareham immigrants, someone who will establish a database of all people from Wareham already living on Cape Cod to track them, if only we could find someone who could make the Cape great again…

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