Meghan Trainor Already Sold Her Soul In The Form Of A Diaper Commercial

By Hippie

5 Mar

OMG! I can’t even! My life is over. A diaper commercial? A DIAPER COMMERCIAL!? How am I supposed to rock out in my underwear to All About That Bass dreaming of bountiful bootys now? We had it all Meghan, I was a Megatron 4 life and now everything is ruined, EVERYTHING!

Yeah, I know, times have changed and everything is commercialized now, but diapers? That’s an all time, grade A, level 5 boner killer. Might as well buy a one way ticket on Dude Guy’s Diddle Bus. I’d have taken Playtex granny girdles in a heartbeat over diapers.

 



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Mr. Spock Tribute From The Space Station With Cape Cod In The Background

By Hippie

5 Mar

cape cod space nimoy

(photo credit: @astroterry)

“I don’t always give the Vulcan salute from the International Space Station in honor of the passing of Leonard Nimoy, but when I do I make sure Cape Cod is in the background.” – Terry Virts

R.I.P. Spock



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Eversource To Pick Up Right Where NSTAR Left Off With Poisoning Cape Cod

By Hippie

5 Mar

nstar eversource herbicides

CapeCod.com – Eversource Energy intends to spray vegetation underneath transmission lines again across the Cape this year.

All Cape towns, except Brewster and Provincetown, were included in the companies yearly operational plan submitted to the state at the end of January.

Many groups across the Cape have spoken out against Eversource Energy’s practice of spraying vegetation and every Cape town has passed a resolution to stop the practices.

Residents have until the March 27 to submit public comments to the Massachusetts Department of Agricultural Resources regarding Eversource Energy’s spraying plan.

Damn. I really had high hopes for this “new” Eversource company. I thought that maybe since it is “new”, this electricity conglomerate might actually care more about us, maybe spend a little more money to clear their power lines by using more environmentally friendly equipment and manpower.

Turns out Eversource only cares about their bottom line just like our old electric company, so they’re going to keep using the more cost effective method of poisoning Cape Cod instead. Between this and the rate hikes they really seem to have a lot in common with NSTAR, it’s almost as if they are the same exact company just with a different name or something. Weird.



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Today’s Sign Of The Apocalypse – Peeps Flavored Milk Is Here

By Hippie

5 Mar

Prairie Farms Dairy - PEEPS

TIME – Starting the first week of March, PEEPS milk will be available in three flavors: “Marshmallow Milk,” reduced-fat “Chocolate Marshmallow Milk” and reduced-fat “Easter Egg Nog”— all of which sound more flavorful than regular PEEPs, which generally tend to taste like plain sugar.

So everyone is freaking out about this new Peeps flavored milk. All the articles are about how disgusting it is, everyone is asking how we can add pure sugar and marshmallow to milk and actually drink it. “Only in America” and all that jazz.

Let’s just slow down and think about this for a second. We are worried about how weird it is that anyone would put this in their bodies? We are talking about milk here. Milk is already disgusting. Adult humans drink the secretions of female cows that mother nature designed for the nourishment of calves. I repeat, we drink a fluid that comes from a COW, a fluid that we need to heat in order to remove micro organisms and bacteria to make it safe for human consumption, but yeah, adding Easter candy to it is where we should really draw the line.

No other adult animals drink the milk of another species. When’s the last time you saw a full grown chimpanzee suckling on the teet of a Water Buffalo? So, do me a favor everyone, ease up on passing judgement and getting all offended by Peeps milk until you grow up and take your lips off the cow udders. Okay? Thanks.



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5 Year Old Ejected From SUV Leaving Wal Mart With Stolen 60″ Television

By Hippie

4 Mar

wal mart tb

BCBS – A mother pleaded not guilty Monday in a bizarre shoplifting incident on the Cape in which her child fell out of a moving vehicle.

Lisa Degerolamo, 29, and Daniel McLaughlin, 29, kissed while they were handcuffed during their arraignment in Falmouth District Court.

Police say the couple went to a Walmart in Falmouth Sunday afternoon and stole a 60-inch flat screen TV. But as they were loading it into their SUV, a man and his wife noticed them. They also saw a young boy in a car seat in the back seat.

“It was still a pretty strange situation,” the witness who wished only to be identified as “Brian,” told WBZ-TV.

“The kid’s screaming, the guy’s wrapping a white towel around the door of the rear passenger side of the car to keep the door shut because the TV was too big to fit in.”

Brian said the open door didn’t stop the couple from trying to speed off.

“As soon as she took the left and spun around that barrier to go up that hill, the boy just, he really flew out of the car and hit his head off the concrete really, really, really hard. And she made that left and just continued. She flew up that hill. See you later. Gone.”

As Brian and his wife comforted the 5-year-old boy, Degerolamo came back in the SUV.

This makes for a great anti Wal Mart campaign for any town that is thinking of allowing one. If you don’t want little kids in car seats flying around parking lots like ping pong balls then don’t build a Wal Mart, plain and simple. Nobody drives an hour to Big Al’s Appliances to steal a flat screen TV so big that it won’t fit in the car without little Billy getting ejected like a fighter jet pilot over Cambodia. This is the type of magical Sunday family outing reserved strictly for Wal Mart and their illustrious security team.

P.S. I’m not convinced this kid didn’t jump. I’d definitely trade a concussion and some road rash for not having to spend another minute with the two douche nozzles he has for parents.

P.P.S. Here’s the couple of the decade in court…

court kiss

Someone please do the world a favor and pull those two suckling leaches off each other. I’m sorry, but once you jettison your 5 year old to make room for a stolen flat screen TV you should lose all rights to procreate. Clamp the fallopian tubes and sew the urethra shut, no more kids for these two Cape Cod Bay sea urchins.



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VIDEO: Playing Ice Hockey On A Salt Water Harbor In Woods Hole… Wait, What?

By Hippie

4 Mar

salt water hockey

Frozen Woods Hole From Above from Brian Switzer on Vimeo.

I’m no expert on the properties of frozen water, but I’m pretty sure ice skating on a salt water harbor that rises and falls with tides controlled by the moon isn’t the best idea. In all fairness though, I guess at this point nothing really makes any frickin’ sense anymore. People are playing ice hockey eight feet away from a sailboat and I’m worried about tides? That’s like worrying about the wind chill factor in the Sahara Desert. There’s bigger fish to fry when you live in a post apocalyptic wasteland.



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VIDEO: Let’s Go Home!

By Hippie

4 Mar

Bourne PD – Today’s the day we welcome Officer Jared MacDonald back home to Bourne. After almost a month in the hospital, Jared will be escorted back to his home where he will continue the recovery process. The procession will leave Spaulding Hospital in Charlestown around 10 AM. We will keep you updated as to the progress of the procession via our Twitter account (http://www.twitter.com/BournePD) and post any significant changes to the planned times here and on Twitter. We look forward to seeing anyone that can make it along Main St in Bourne to welcome Jared back to town (estimated arrival between 10:45 AM – 11:30 AM). During the escort home Jared will be in Y-21, the Bourne PD pickup.

They run towards shit that the rest of us run away from, for that we owe them our gratitude and support. Get to Main St. in Bourne if you can and help welcome home Officer Jared MacDonald.



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