Comedy Night This Thursday At The Beach House With Steve Sweeney

By Arthur Bonzarelli

22 Oct

steve-sweeney

So The Beach House has gone and done it again… Lenny Clarke might be stuck out in Chicago filming a few episodes of Denis Leary’s TV Show “Sirens”, but have no fear…

Lenny was supposed to be there on Thursday night, but since he can’t make it he gave his boy Steve Sweeney aka The King of Boston Comedy a call and BAM! Steve Sweeney is filling in to save the day and bring the funny to your faces.

Tickets are $20 and you can CLICK HERE to buy them online in advance. This is Steve’s only area performance so you’ll want to jump on these early. Also on the bill are the South Shore’s funniest teacher Christine Hurley and the one and only Jack Walsh.

Once again the Beach House is stepping up and bringing top notch comedy to the Cape.

Keep up with what’s happening at The Beach House on Facebook, Twitter, or their website.

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Cat Fight! Ethel Kennedy And Cheryl Hines At Odds Over Bobby Jr.

By Hippie

22 Oct

ethel kennedy cheryl hines

Enquirer – Ethel Kennedy, 86, was all smiles when her son Bobby, 60, wed the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” beauty, 49,, at the family compound in Hyannis Port, Mass., in August., in AugustBut that smile has turned upside down now that the newlyweds are nesting 3,000 miles away in a home in the tony Point Dume section ofMalibu.

“Ethel had all assurances from what Bobby Jr. told her that they would settle on the East Coast and be close to her home in Hyannis,” a family friend told The ENQUIRER. “At her age, Ethel wanted Bobby and his youngest boys, who are both teenagers, close by.“ Ethel suspects Cheryl doesn’t want her influencing Bobby, and she puts the blame for the move to California at her feet.”

Ethel was “initially very welcoming of Cheryl,” according to another friend. “At her age, Ethel wanted Bobby and his youngest boys, who are both teens, close by. She believed that they would visit her on weekends,” the friend said.But after Cheryl’s sitcom “Suburgatory” was canceled, “she told Bobby she needs to be in L.A. for the sake of her career,” said another source.

The family insider added: “Of her 11 children, Ethel is closer to Bobby than anyone, and it breaks her heart that he won’t be around much. “Ethel felt she extended her hand in welcoming Cheryl, and it ended up getting bit.”

The honeymoon is OVAH! Looks like we’ve got ourselves a bona fide Yoko Ono situation here. Who the hell does Cheryl Hines think she is? You can’t break up The Kennedys! This slut is forcing Bobby Jr. to live in LA after he told Ethel he would be close to her in Hyannis?

I don’t think Cheryl Hines realizes who she’s fucking with here. The OG Kennedys aren’t to be trifled with, they’ve seen some shit. Ethel might be past her prime but she’ll put that bitch in a trash can without hesitation.

Consider this an open letter to Cheryl Hines, you get Bobby Jr. back to Hyannis where he belongs or your ass is getting the Mary Jo Kopechne treatment.

P.S. Yes, this was in The National Enquirer, but anyone who’s anyone knows that the shit they publish is all true nowadays.

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VIDEO: Your Cape Cod Moment Of Zen – Crowe’s Pasture Gong Show!

By Hippie

22 Oct

Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It’s circular. It’s like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and AROUND. It’s circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things.

Doin’ the Bull Dance. Feelin’ the flow. Workin’ it. Workin’ it.

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Genius Of The Day – Burglar Leaves Cell Phone At Scene Of Hyannis Break In

By Hippie

22 Oct

facebookphone

CapeCodOnline.com – A Provincetown man was arrested Friday morning in Hyannis on breaking-and-entering in the nighttime after he left a cellphone at the scene of a crime, according to the police.

Barnstable patrol officer Keith Sexton was dispatched at around 7 a.m. to Old Cape Cod Insurance at 296 Winter St. for a front-door alarm, according to Barnstable police Sgt. Thomas Toomey. Sexton saw a man jump down from the side of the building and run south toward Grove and Charles streets.

Sexton lost sight of the man and then returned to the scene to wait for a patrol officer with a police dog, Toomey said. As he waited, Sexton found the front door of the building open, went inside and determined that the man’s point of entry and exit was a second-story window reached from the flat roof of an attached shed.

Sexton found the Verizon Motorola smartphone on the roof of the shed, Toomey said. The phone was logged into the Facebook account of Fray, he said. Sexton then determined that he knew Fray from previous encounters and Sexton also knew that Fray drove an Audi, Toomey said. The police then began looking for the Audi and found it parked at a house at 245 Winter St.

Welp, I’m pretty sure the forensics team can stay home for this investigation. No need to dust for fingerprints when the suspect leaves his phone at the scene with his Facebook open. The police probably don’t need hair samples since they can probably identify him by the 18 selfies and 7 dick pics he sent to his shorty last week.

This takes genius Cape Cod criminal to an entirely new level. A dumb criminal accidentally leaves some unforeseen evidence behind, but it takes a real special rocket scientist to leave enough personal information behind that the cops could steal his identity if they wanted to. Not only do they know exactly who committed the crime but they know he likes Buzzfeed, Deadliest Catch, 2Pac4life and inspirational memes. They even know that yesterday he “got his swole on at the gym” at 2 and was “‘chillin’ wit his homies” around 7:15.

Here’s a little advice for the genius Cape Cod criminals out there. Leave the phone behind next time, or at the very least log out of your social media apps will ya? I’m pretty sure even the police like a little bit of a challenge.

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Cape Cod Woman Indicted For Allegedly Hiring Someone To Kill Her Husband

By Hippie

21 Oct

osterville murder

CapeCodOnline.com An Osterville woman was indicted Wednesday on charges she hired someone to kill her husband, who survived a bullet to the back of the head months later after her boyfriend allegedly shot him.

Tricia A. Lasher, 45, of Avalon Circle, was released on $2,500 bail after pleading not guilty Wednesday to charges of attempting to commit a crime and solicitation to commit a felony, according to Barnstable Superior Court records. She was brought to court after her attorney, Robert Lawless, learned of the indictment.

Lasher and her husband at the time of the October 2013 shooting have since divorced.

The records provide no narrative of Lasher’s alleged attempt to kill her husband other than to say that it “included the transfer of U.S. currency and information.”

The man she allegedly hired, who has not been charged, received between $8,000 and $10,000 from Lasher in the summer of 2013 but never planned to kill the husband, Barnstable police Detective Valerie Hemmila said.

“It was never his intention; it was just to rip her off,” Hemmila said.

What planet are we on? How does shit like this even happen on Cape Cod? I wouldn’t know how to take a one inch baby step in the direction of hiring a hit man. Who are these people? We are talking about Osterville here. Where the hell does a 45 year old housewife find someone to kill their husband for between $8K and $10K in fucking Osterville? Is this Cape Cod or a shitty Lifetime movie?

How about the guy she hired though? Dude wasn’t even going to try. His intention was to just rip her off the entire time. Worst hit man ever. Have some respect for the profession bro, it’s guys like you that make it damn near impossible for anyone to ever trust the person they hired to murder a human being ever again. Shame on you.

P.S. Sad to see that her and her husband are divorced now, seems like nobody is willing to work through their problems anymore. They just give up so quick these days.

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Police Asking For Help – $1,000 Copper And Gold Weathervane Stolen In Chatham

By Hippie

21 Oct

weathervane

CapeCodOnline.com – Police are asking the public for help in locating a dolphin weathervane worth about $1,000 that was stolen recently from a home in Chatham, according to a press release today.

The weathervane has a three-dimensional copper dolphin that is about 40 inches long.

The dolphin is plated with 24K gold and had been displayed on the roof of the house for about 50 years, the police said.

Anyone with information can call police detectives at 508-945-1217 or leave an anonymous tip at 508-945-TTIP (8847).

Hey weathervane owner guy, welcome to Cape Cod. You should consider yourself lucky that a copper and gold weathervane worth a thousand bucks lasted 50 years. I’d call that a successful run. That shit would be snatched up in 8 seconds in most places on The Cape.

Most of us have to lock our outside shower doors so some degenerate doesn’t sawzall the copper pipes off the side of our houses and the this guy wants our help finding his gold weathervane? Sorry dude, we have actual real life Cape Cod problems to deal with, like how many beers we’re gonna drink at The Squire tomorrow on our trek down Cape.

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Cape Cod Craigslist Ad Of The Day – We Need 100 Pairs Speedos!

By Hippie

21 Oct

craigslist

CL – We need 100 Pairs of Speedos! (Plymouth to Ptown)

compensation: 5
Hello,Odd request we know…. but we need 100 pairs of Speedos collected in one month for a project. You can donate, or sell them to us.

Art/History project here. Any size, any condition. Will pick up!

Tyr, Speedo, any lycra swim trunk/briefs

Just a bit of friendly advice for whoever posted this ad. I’m no expert on Speedo culture, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you will probably have better luck if you focus more on the Ptown end of your target area. 

P.S. By “Art/History project” they mean artistically placing your old Speedos on their heads and sniffing the history of your nuts.

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