Sandwich Police Looking For A Dude Who Stole $400 Worth Of Teeth Whitener

By Hippie

26 Feb

sandwich police

Sandwich Police – A Male subject, image included, entered CVS Pharmacy (Quaker Meeting House) on 02/07/2014 at approximately 19:20 hours. The subject walked around several aisles while placing crest white strips into a CVS basket. Subject exited the store taking $406.95 worth of dental products.

Suspect:
white male; light colored hair, chinstrap beard and mustache wearing a dark colored outer puffy coat over a dark colored hooded sweat shirt (hood up and down) with a chest logo, and dark pants. Approximate age 25-30, weight 170 to 190.

If you have any information, please e-mail us at sandwichpd@townofsandwich.net or call us at 508 888-1212.

This dude either has the whitest teeth on planet earth, or he’s planning on going to England and becoming the Robin Hood of bad teeth. Either way he needs to be found and locked up. You have to be a raving lunatic to put that much of an effort into stealing teeth whitener. Dude, a dentist, ever hear of it?



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These Nantucket “Slurpee Waves” Are The Best Thing To Come From This Winter

By Hippie

26 Feb

sluree 2

Photo by Jonathan Nimerfroh

StayWildMagazine.com – Dang! Have you ever seen waves get so cold they turn to slurpee? We haven’t. So when surfer/photographer/Stay Wild contributor Jonathan Nimerfrohshowed us these sweet shots he captured in Nantucket we had to share.

When we asked Jonathan what the fawk this was all about he said, “Just been super cold here. The harbor to the main land is frozen solid. No boats running.But yea, the day after I took these it actually froze up the shoreline for 200 yards out. Solid ice. I was totally tripping when I pulled up to the beach and saw this.”

CLICK HERE for the rest of the photos

Ok, that’s it, this shit isn’t funny anymore. We give up Mother Nature, call off your dogs. When waves in the open ocean start freezing on Nantucket it’s time to throw in the towel. I thought we were looking at still shots from Rudolph. When I was scrolling through the photos I kept half expecting the next one to have the Abominable Snowman hanging ten.



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Falmouth Man Arrested While Getting A Haircut At A Barbershop

By Hippie

26 Feb

barbershop

CapeNews.net – Mr. Averett was getting his hair cut at Andy’s Barber Shop in Falmouth Plaza when he was arrested. He was wanted on a Falmouth District Court warrant for disturbing the peace, vandalizing property, assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and multiple drug charges.

We have a staunch record of defending the police on this site, but this is inhumane treatment. You’ve gotta let a dude finish getting his hair cut before you arrest his ass. Americans have some inalienable rights and I’m pretty sure the right to not walk around with half a haircut is one them (or if not, it should be). Arrest him when the cape comes off, at the register, on the way out, whenever, but at least wait until the man gets his neck cleaned up, that’s what sets us apart from the animals for christ’s sake.

This incident got us thinking about other everyday tasks that it’s wrong to arrest someone during. Here is the top 5…

  1. Taking a shit
  2. Taking a shower
  3. Having sex
  4. Getting a haircut
  5. Drinking in public

I admit that #5 may be a bit of a stretch, but it was worth a shot. Let’s just call it artistic license.



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A Vineyard Guy Found Another One Of Those WHOI Messages In A Bottle

By Hippie

25 Feb

bottle

MVT – Justin LaVigne of Edgartown has discovered that the joys of beachcombing are many and varied, even in winter. His most recent find will help scientists to understand the vagaries of ocean currents.

“I really had to work to open it,” he said. “I wanted to keep the bottle intact.” He decided to use a corkscrew and chopsticks rather than a hammer. His strategy was successful.

The message inside the bottle, dated Sept. 19, 1959, requested that the finder return the card inside to the “Coast and Geodetic Survey,” known now as part of the Northeast Fisheries Science Center (NEFSC), affiliated with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in Woods Hole.

So I was halfway through writing about this when I was struck by deja vu. Sure enough after a search I found that we had already written about these same bottles. These things are everywhere, here is what we had to say about it the last time…

BOSTON — It was April 1956, and the No. 1 song was Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel.” At the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution on Cape Cod, scientist Dean Bumpus was busy releasing glass bottles in a large stretch of the Atlantic Ocean.
Nearly 58 years later, a biologist studying grey seals off Nova Scotia found one of the bottles in a pile of debris on a beach, 300 miles from where it was released.

“It was almost like finding treasure in a way,” Warren Joyce said Friday.

The drift bottle was among thousands dumped in the Atlantic Ocean between 1956 and 1972 as part of Bumpus’ study of surface and bottom currents. About 10 percent of the 300,000 bottles have been found over the years.

This is a cute story right up until you read the part about this scientist throwing 300,000 bottles into the ocean. Dude, that’s not science, that’s fucking LITTERING. Imagine what else scientists were doing in 1956 if they were dumping massive amounts of garbage in the ocean to study tides?

I’ve always wondered how the ocean could be so huge yet still contain so much sea glass. It just never seemed to add up to me. Well here is the answer folks. Most likely that sea glass collection you’ve got going isn’t from random bottles, they’re from an ill advised 50’s era science experiment. You might as well be collecting vials of DDT or making balloon animals with chlorofluorocarbons.

This is quite the reminder of how much the world has changed. If you were caught dumping 300,000 glass bottles into the ocean today you would be put in jail for the rest of your life. They’d probably give you the electric chair if you did it within 200 yards of a Piping Plover School Zone.



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Boston Man Almost Orchestrates Greatest Getaway Of All Time In Hyannis

By Hippie

25 Feb

kurry

CBS – A Boston man was arrested on Cape Cod after police say he unsuccessfully attempted to distract officers from searching for him by placing a 911 call for a fake shooting.

Barnstable police officers were called to Friendly’s on Lyannough Road in Hyannis in Friday just before 2:30 a.m. and found that the restaurant had been broken into.

A K-9 unit was called to the area. The dog located a scent and found Kurry Sutton, 38, of Boston hiding in the bushes nearby.

Police said that while they were searching the area, 911 dispatch received a call saying a person had been shot in the area of Route 28 in Hyannis.

Officers later found that Sutton allegedly made the call in an effort to “lure officers away” from their search.

Ah, the old call in a shooting to get the police off your scent after breaking into a Friendly’s trick. Who hasn’t tried that at least once, right? What’s a guy supposed to do when he get’s the urge for a Fribble at 2:30 a.m.? Just ignore it? Fuck that, Fribbles are delicious.

The only problem with this dudes plan is that he forgot one very minor detail. What he failed to account for is that there is, in fact, more than one police officer in Barnstable. This isn’t the old west. There isn’t one patrolman that has to abandon his search for you because a shooting trumps a stolen gallon of mint chocolate chip. Other than that it’s a rock solid plan though.

P.S. 1827 called and it wants its getaway plan back.



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Is The Falmouth vs. Barnstable Rivalry Still Intense? Or Is It All Cordial Now?

By Hippie

24 Feb

hockey

So Falmouth and Barnstable are playing each other this Friday in the boys MIAA hockey tournament and everyone is freaking out. I’m reading all kinds of stories about the rivalry and how the coaches played against each other in the tournament in 1980 etc. etc. What I’m wondering is if the rivalry is still really that intense or not.

I’m a Falmouth guy, and when we used to play Barnstable it was the most important game of the season no matter what. Beating them on Thanksgiving is still one of the great memories of my life. We hated Barnstable with the fire of a thousand suns and they hated us just as much.

When I say we hated Barnstable, I mean if you were from there we wanted you dead, we wanted your family dead, we wanted your house burned to the ground and we wanted to piss on the ashes. Our hatred certainly wasn’t just on the field either, it was genuine. We used to have 60 person Falmouth vs. Barnstable rumbles on the lawn at Steve Miller concerts and shit. Random kids getting knee capped with bats in the parking lots after games. I’m talking Anchorman rumble scene type stuff.

Now that the world is smaller, the kids from each town are friends with each other on Facebook and they have all this no guff, anti bullying, everyone gets a trophy stuff, do they still actually hate each other, or is it just an on the field, friendly rivalry type of thing?

So some of you younger cats chime in, does the rivalry still run that deep or has it become all civil? Of course the minute we graduated from high school we stopped hating people from Barnstable (the sane ones stopped anyway), but in those four years we didn’t hate anything on earth more than we hated them, and the feeling was mutual.

I really hope the rivalry is still the same for kids these days, because it was pretty awesome.

P.S. I know this blog alienates people from other towns on the Cape, but what the hell could anyone write about their rivalries? They all started like two weeks ago. Falmouth and Barnstable go back to the 1800’s, that’s some Greece and Turkey shit right there.



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Sign Of The Capeocalypse – Mashpee Will Start School Before Labor Day Next Year

By Hippie

24 Feb

tombstone

CapeCod.com – It will be an early start to the 2015 school year in Mashpee.

School administrators and the teachers union have agreed to start school before Labor Day, with the holiday falling as late as it possibly can in September this year.

The move is a first for the town, which always starts after the holiday.

That sound you hear in the distance is the hopes and dreams being sucked out of thousands of little bodies. Oh the children. The children that will never know what it’s like to receive a letter in the mail. The children that will never know the joys of mapping out a road trip on a paper map. The children that will now never know the true meaning of Labor Day weekend. Goodnight sweet children, may your childhood rest in peace.

The horror… the horror…



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