Four Sharks Spotted Off The Cape Yesterday And Not One Person Was Eaten?

By Hippie

19 Aug

sharks chatham

NECN – Experts say at least four great white sharks were spotted just off Cape Cod on Monday.

The Atlantic White Shark Conservancy says the sharks were spotted around Shark Cove in Chatham, Massachusetts by spotter pilot Wayne Davis.

The sharks were in deep water, which created a challenge for Dr. Greg Skomal to get GoPro footage for a population study, according to the conservancy.

I think I might be having a change of heart when it comes to sharks. Having seen what a total crock of shit Shark Week was on Discovery I am just not as scared as I was before. They had an entire year to come up with some shocking footage of bad ass shark stuff and they ended up with 75% fake crap that they called fictional documentaries.

What on earth is a “fictional documentary”? That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Documenting something that didn’t happen is like playing Quidditch for real. It might be slightly entertaining to a total nerd, but it’s still just trying to base reality on fantasy.

So the bottom line here is I’m starting to think Great Whites might be overrated. Four of them were out there all day yesterday and didn’t snack on one person? After all those posts about how we should all get out of the water can I at least get a leg bite? These sharks are making me look foolish with all this swimming around harmlessly crap. Fuck this, I’m going swimming in a seal suit doused in walrus piss cologne just to prove myself right, these sharks need to stop being such pussies.

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Chatham Set To Take On The United States Federal Fun Police Over South Beach

By Hippie

19 Aug

south beach chatham

WL – “Here we come U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service,” Selectman Sean Summers said after the board approved hiring consultants to protect the town’s historical rights.

And “we” is appropriate as officials are asking town meeting to fund three, maybe four, firms at a cost of $300,000 to develop scientific and legal arguments showing that current fishing practices in the Monomoy National Wildlife Refuge and the current border of the refuge need to remain as is. The new draft comprehensive conservation plans put out by refuge staff this spring all curtail some forms of fishing – including mussel harvesting – and also expand the refuge to include 771 acres that is now South Beach.

Maybe this is just what Cape Cod needs in order to start really fighting for change. Maybe the local Cape Cod Fun Police and we, the silent majority who want them stopped, just needed a common enemy. What better enemy than the Feds? They already have most of us pissed about The Piping Plover catastrophe, The National Seashore is a shitty neighbor, and now they want to take 771 acres that includes one of OUR beaches.

This might be a galvanizing moment for us normal people and the local Fun Police to join forces and work together. It’s sort of like that friend you’ve had since you were a kid. You and all of your friends make fun of him, but if anyone outside of your circle does it, you all immediately protect him. Sure, he’s a tool, but he’s your tool.

Well that outsider is The U.S. Fish and Wildlife service and our circle is Cape Cod. It will be interesting to see how this fight pans out. The one thing I do know is that if you are from The Cape and you side with the Feds on this, then you can get the fuck off our peninsula because we protect our own, tools or not.

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A Cape Codder And Nauset High School Alum Has The #4 Song In The Country

By Hippie

19 Aug


Wikipedia – Trainor was born in Nantucket, Massachusetts on December 22, 1993. She grew up in Nantucket with a musical family. She has been writing songs since she was 11 years old. When Trainor was 13, her parents bought her a computer so she could produce songs. The family later moved to Cape Cod, Massachusetts so Trainor and her two brothers could attend Nauset Regional High School in nearby North Eastham, Massachusetts.

So I read about this at Barstool the other day, but they only mentioned the born on Nantucket thing so I kinda wrote it off. I assumed she was probably the kid of some rich music mogul who spends 8 minutes a year on the island. To tell you the truth I was much more shocked that she was white than I was that she was born on Nantucket.

So for some reason the story stuck in my head and I decided to Google her today. It turns out she legit lived on Nantucket and then moved to The Cape and went to Nauset High School. So now we have a white girl from Cape Cod singing a song about having junk in her trunk, always pronouncing the “th” sound as “da” (ie: ‘dat, ‘da), all while calling out the fashion industry and “skinny bitches”.

I for one could not be more confused and proud at the same time. Cape Cod doing big things by sending a curvy white girl into the world with the soul of a sista’ from the Caribbean? Count me in and chalk me up as a Meghan Trainor fan for life.

P.S. Born in 1993. Here we were thinking we are all Cape cool with our few hundred thousands readers a month and along comes a 20 year old Cape Codder with over 20 million YouTube views and the #4 song in the country to make us feel old as shit, and knock us down a few pegs.

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Few things pure in this world anymore..and home is one of the few

By Glitter Ginger

12 Aug

5f2f8c12ea12200884ca483bec55216f-2Yes, I totally just went 1997 up in this bitch and quoted THE song that was played at every high school bonfire, filled the bottom of everyone’s AIM profile and was quoted throughout college while waiting for summer break. Why? Because it not only brings me back to a time when my biggest concern was trying to stay far enough away from the fire to not smell like an ashtray but close enough to keep warm.. but because truer words could not have been sung. And also because I just saw OAR perform with Phillip Phillips and honestly, any guy with a guitar: I’m single.

I remember leaving the Cape every fall to drive through Boston on my way to college. I would look up at the tall buildings and sparkly lights and say to myself, “THAT is where I’m going to be someday. I’m going to be living in that city, making millions of dollars, living in a fabulous apartment with this super chic job where I get to travel all over the world.”

And now I totally am. Well, kind of. I mean I made it to the city but I’m poor, live in a studio and definitely don’t have a super chic job. I do travel a lot, but I spend 90% of that travel time alone in a hotel room watching Law & Order SVU and eating room service. But whatever, I ate cheese from the good side of the store tonight so honestly I’m living like a King this week and have zero complaints.

So, what’s my point here? My point is that I did all those things and then some. And yet still, for some reason, that place I so desperately wanted to leave for the “big city” is the place I literally dream about being Monday-Friday while I’m stuck in the office. Knowing that no matter where I am in this world or what I may be doing, I have a place I call home and I’m always welcomed with open arms every time I walk into it. And what’s even better than that is that I CHOOSE to be there over anywhere I’ve been and hope to go. I may have had to leave home to realize how great it was, but trust me I have.

I have been to some really great cities, parties and events. I mean I’ve taken my father on an all expense paid trip to the Super Bowl in New Orleans, partied on the 50 yard line at Dallas Cowboy Stadium, spent weekends in wine country, learned how to paddle board in Puerto Rico and went snorkeling in the Bahamas. And even after all of that, nothing excites me more than getting in my car and heading over that bridge every Friday afternoon.

To me it’s so damn easy to see
that true people are the people at home.
Well, I’ve been away but now I’m back today,
and there ain’t a place I’d rather go.

Some may laugh at that, or even go as far as to say I need to get out more or get a life. And those people are probably right, and most definitely assholes who need to be hugged more and clearly had shitty upbringings, but let’s try and look past that. If you’re from Cape Cod, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You could be coming back from your dream vacation, visiting for the weekend from your new home across the country or even just coming to meet a friend for dinner – when you see the arches of the bridge, you instantly feel peace.

I don’t need more than a friends backyard, a fire pit to stand around and good conversation to be the happiest girl in the entire world. Throw in a sweatshirt, some beers and music? Hallelujah Christmas has come early, betches. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve come home with all kinds of big plans to go out to this bar, and go drive here to see so-and-so, but without even realizing; it’s 1am and none of us wanted to leave the backyard because we were having too much fun talking and sharing stories.

So go grab your friends, a hoody, some beers and something to set on fire and just HANG OUT. Forget your problems, forget the bills you still need to pay or that Discovery Channel decided to open up Shark Week with a “fictional documentary” (<– seriously, what the FUCK was that?! Save it for another post, GG…save it for another post..). It doesn’t matter who you are, where you go or what you’re doing – when you’re with your friends you feel home. And just like that bitch Dorthy said, there’s no place like motha fuckin’ home, especially when you’re from Cape Cod. Or something like that.

cause to me throughout eternity
there’s somewhere where you’re welcome to go
I said it’s something free that means a lot to me
when I’m with my friends I feel home.

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Obama Responds To Ethel Kennedy’s Ice Bucket Challenge

By Hippie

11 Aug

ethel kennedy ice bucket - The president appreciates Mrs. Kennedy for thinking of him for the challenge, but his contribution to the effort will be monetary. The president will be making a donation to an ALS charity this week.

Listen, you can say whatever you want about this ice bucket challenge thing but you have to admit that it is pretty cool that a guy from Massachusetts started this whole thing and it has made it all the way to getting a response from The White House. I admit I was skeptical when it all started that it wasn’t another KONY 2012 thing and it was just people being couch activists but the numbers don’t lie.

Say what you will about Obama as well, but this is really the only response he could have. You just can’t have a sitting president of The United States dumping water on his head. Vacation or no vacation the rest of the world can’t see our president succumbing to internet trends. Not to mention, who wants to see Obama in a wet T-Shirt contest? (He’s no Feitelberg that’s for sure)

Now I think we need a Kennedy to challenge Gisele (or Tom for the ladies) and we are really getting somewhere. Good on you Pete, but next time the challenge should specify a no bra rule.

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Proposed Stop and Shop Will Add More Roads At Bourne Rotary – Yeah, Great Idea

By Hippie

11 Aug

bourne stop and shop

CapeNews.netGeoff Spillane – Stop & Shop has proposed building a small network of roads on a swath of undeveloped land that it owns abutting the Bourne Rotary, affording drivers the opportunity to bypass the rotary altogether.

The roads would be built off MacArthur Boulevard, just east of the rotary, on the former proposed site of Canalside Commons. The supermarket chain, under the name of Rotary Development LLC, bought the 152-acre site last October but has yet to say how the rest of the property will be developed.

Listen, we love progress as much as anyone, but this seems like a completely awful idea. You are taking what is literally the busiest one mile stretch of road on Cape Cod, a section that is already a complete clusterfuck, and you are adding five points of entry and exit as well as a traffic light? Oh and also construct a giant retail operation that will attract even more cars to a section of highway that is already a parking lot in the summer? Fuck. That. Shit.

Take a close look at that map. Did you notice that if you want to leave Stop and Shop and go south on 28 that you need to go up to Sandwich Road and then back down through the rotary? That is fucking bananas, how can that possibly help the situation? Not to mention, they still have no idea what else they are going to use the rest of the land for? Throw in a Lowe’s or a Bed Bath and Beyond and the only possible way to get anywhere near the Bourne Bridge from the Cape side will be to lower your car from a fucking helicopter.

I have a great idea, how about we reject this on the grounds that it makes no sense whatsoever to add congestion to the single most congested place on Cape Cod, open up Nauset Spit, and turn this 152 acres into a Piping Plover sanctuary. Win for everyone. Thank me later.

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The Kennedys Do The Ice Bucket Challenge And Ethel Nominates Obama

By Hippie

11 Aug

ethel kennedy ice bucket

You’d think the Kennedys would have enough money to donate instead of dumping the ice buckets on their heads, but to each their own. I like the move by Ethel calling out Obama with the “Welcome to Cape Cod”. Just goes to show that the coolest Kennedy’s are still the originals.

P.S. Hey Maxwell, easy on the name dropping dude, we get it, you’re a Kennedy.

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Woman In Handcuffs Escapes From Barnstable Police, Still At Large

By Hippie

11 Aug

shaina – A handcuffed Hyannis woman is on the run after her girlfriend helped her escape from the back of a police cruiser Friday night, according to police.

Shainah Lopes, 32, of Hyannis was wanted on two default warrants for larceny and was spotted by a police officer on Charles Street near Grove Street Friday night, according to Barnstable police Detective Lt. John Murphy.

Lopes fled on foot when the officer tried to stop her but he was able to catch up with her, handcuff her and put her in the back of his cruiser, Murphy said.

Lopes was going to be charged on the default warrants as well as disorderly content and resisting arrest but as the officer was driving away her girlfriend opened the back door to the cruiser so that Lopes could escape, Murphy said.

The cruiser was locked from the inside but the doors could be opened from the outside, Murphy said.

The officer was able to chase down the girlfriend – Latrona Sims, 34, of Hyannis – but Lopes escaped, Murphy said.

“She is still out there,” he said, adding that police are following up on leads as to her whereabouts.

Anyone who knows where Lopes is should call the Barnstable police at 508-775-0387, Murphy said.

First off, this is obviously extremely embarrassing for the officer my girl Shainah got away from. I can’t imagine his cop buddies are going to let him off easy for letting a 32 year old woman in handcuffs get away from him. They must be giving him all kinds of shit down at the station. Probably a lot of “Hey can I borrow your handcuf… ohhhh yeah, sorry,” type comments this week.

That’s not even the real story here though, let’s talk about Latrona Sims for a minute. This gal should be up for GLAAD girlfriend of the year award. Talk about never giving up, most people figure once their girlfriend is in the back of a closed cruiser in handcuffs that the gig is up, but not Latrona. She plays hard until the whistle, this police officer was high stepping into the end zone and she came from the opposite end of the field to knock the ball out of his hand at the one yard line.

You just can’t teach that type of loyalty, dedication and selflessness. Girls like Latrona don’t come along very often, all I know is that Shainah better put a ring on that shit ASAP.

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Don’t Miss The Best Day Of The Week At Liam’s!

By Hippie

10 Aug


If you missed Liam Maguire’s Sunday Funday brunch llast week then you probably heard about it. There were some insane musicians sitting in with The Silent Trees for some great acoustic jamming. In other words this is officially a don’t miss event. If you are like me then your news feed has been blowing up with photos of the build your own Bloody Mary’s. The things are famous at this point, but in case you haven’t heard, you can customize them any way you want, to the point of gluttonous debauchery.

This is all happening right now 12-3 pm on Main St. in Famouth. If you see me behind one of  these in the corner, please don’t bother me until at least half of my skewers are gone, the Great esCape needs ones FULL attention.


flyers bloody2-1

Sunday Brunch

Breakfast Burrito

Scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, and two hash browns with an avocado chipotle aioli.

Irish Breakfast

Two eggs cooked to order, two rashers, two bangers, black and white pudding, home fries, and a fried tomato. Served with brown bread.

Crab cakes Eggs Benedict

Two English muffins topped with jumbo crab cakes, Irish bacon, poached eggs and our own homemade hollandaisesauce. Served with home fries.

French Toast

Three slices of thick cut Sourdough bread dipped in our own cinnamon French toast batter. Served with a side fresh fruit.

Chicken & Waffles

Habanero Guinness waffles with two fried chicken breasts, smothered in Southern style white gravy, made with our own bangers. Served with REAL New England Maple syrup and pickled vegetables.

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The Improper Bostonian Has Some Funk In Store For You In Dennis Port

By Hippie

7 Aug

after funk

There are a few shows coming up in Dennis Port at the Improper Bostonian that will leave you dripping the funk for weeks. This Saturday August 9th, they’ve got After Funk lined up. I don’t like to start rumors, but I’ve heard that After Funk are so funky that people have actually been known to OD on the funk at their shows. Here’s a little teaser from their site:

After Funk has quickly grown into a powerful eight member modern jam-orchestra that will shake your heart in your chest and your butt on the dance floor.

Taking its cues from old school funk acts like Stevie Wonder and James Brown, modern jam bands like Lettuce and the String Cheese Incident, even hints of the romantic classical music of Tchaikovsky and gospel music of Tye Tribbit, After Funk has found itself an ever growing audience of people searching for a heavy groove that expands their mind and fills their soul.

It’s going to take you weeks to get the funk out after the After Funk, but right when you do the Improper is going to hit you right back upside the head with Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band on August 31st.

What better way to end your summer than with some down home, finger lickin’, straight nasty funk? Just a little hint: I’d get your tickets in advance for that one, it’s going to be a barn burner.

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