Hippie and I started an advice column a while back, and some of the questions we got from our followers were hilariously ridiculous. I’ve decided to branch out and begin answering them myself since Hippie is always busy doing whatever it is that Hippie does. I’ll answer questions on Tuesday’s, so feel free to message me anything you’d like my advice on. Yes, I realize today is Friday but I wanted to give you a sneak peek, and also, I do what I want.
P.S. Everything will always be kept anonymous.
GG: I always get really nervous the first time I spend the night with a guy. How do you get passed this enough to enjoy your time together?
Nothing makes me more nervous than the first time I sleep over a guys house. I have literally lost sleep anticipating the first time and have spent countless hours getting pep talks from my girlfriends. I don’t know how to combat this, but here are my top fears and how I’ve tried to cope:
- Fear 1: Waking up in the morning with makeup running down my face and my hair looking like a rats nest. How do I avoid this problem? I don’t wear makeup, like ever, and very rarely do anything to my hair: BOOM, set expectations low from the beginning so he doesn’t realize you’re a god damn troll when he rolls over in morning. Crisis averted.
- Fear 2: Drooling. I know I’m not the only one that on occasion wakes up to a puddle of drool on their pillow. This isn’t uncommon, and honestly not even that embarrassing but like..what if you fall asleep on his chest and you drool ON him?! That is DISGUSTING and you can absolutely guarantee that your nickname is now somehow related to a dog or pet of some sort and all of his friends think you have salivation issues. Not sure how to avoid this – maybe just don’t fall asleep?
- Fear 3: Sleep farting. I’m not even kidding when I say this is one of my worst fears. Like what could POSSIBLY be worse than realizing, or NOT realizing, that you’re a sleep farter? Imagine the scenario that you’re passed out and you wake yourself up because you farted so loud and you realize he’s still awake? Like, what do you even DO?! Pretend you’re still sleeping? Should you leave? Laugh? Cry? Commit suicide? OR what if you’ve never woken yourself up but you’ve woken HIM up, and he’s never told you that you’re a sleep farter, but he tells his friends, and now they all know about your flatulent issue that YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU HAVE. Christ, I’m shaking. This was a bad idea.
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony
Hilarious! Can't wait until Tuesday. Have a great weekend Ging!