True Talk Tuesday – Psychos and Positivity

And the questions keep coming..

So I’ve been dating this guy and he said he really liked me as a person but thinks we should take some time apart to see if it helps us figure out how we really feel about each other and what we want. When do you think is an acceptable time to call and see if he knows how he feels about us?

Delusional Debbie,

Homeboy just politely told you he’s not interested in dating you. The acceptable time to call is when you want to know where he got you that heinous heart shaped necklace for Christmas because you want to pawn it for the new season of Game of Thrones on DVD.

Sure, he may call you in a week and say he wants to give it another shot and “see where things go”, but guess what, Psycho Sally – his bro’s are probably out of town that weekend or he got a gift card to Red Robbin that he’s too embarrassed to use at the bar by himself so will reconcile with you long enough to consume his all beef patty while unleashing his man grease into your lady parts.

Trust me..Don’t call.

Another question received last week:

What do you do to lose weight or stay in shape? And how do you always seem to have such a positive attitude?

(I’m not in shape, but let’s pretend I am for the sake of this question.) Personally, I shed a few pounds by doing the “Stop Dipping Your Life in Ranch Dressing” diet and walking up the stairs to get snacks instead of texting my Mom to bring them to me in the basement.

But in all seriousness, if you’re looking to get in shape or lose weight – BE REALISTIC. Stop shoving Fritos down your pie hole and hop on a treadmill. Or at least WALK to get the Fritos and only buy a .99 cent bag instead of the full size $3.49 one. Now you’re losing weight AND saving money. Christ, I’m better than Dr. Phil.

As for the positivity – You clearly must be confusing me with someone else because I’m kind of fucking miserable. I do, however, maintain the attitude of literally not caring about anything that doesn’t better me as a person, improve me physically or mentally or make me money. <– that’s a fucking lie. I just in fact don’t really care about anything.

At the end of the day, I’m just thankful I’m not one of those people on the TLC show “My Strange Addiction” that dry humps the Berlin Wall, has sex with cars, eats hair or lives life as an adult baby.