True Talk Tuesday: I’m back, betches.

Soo apparently people were concerned and extremely curious as to where I’ve been the last few weeks due to my lack of posts.

In response to most of your questions;

• No, I didn’t die
• Yes, I’m still part of The Real Cape
• No, my stalker didn’t kidnap me nor has he been holding me hostage in his basement
• Yes, I caused the category 6 earthquake in California and
• The rumor about me being in rehab, though funny and definitely the most interesting, is just plain ridiculous

But in all seriousness –

Where have you been?!

I wish my response was anywhere nearly as exciting as what’s listed above, but sadly I’ve just been insanely busy with my “real” job. Between traveling the country for work, prepping for a new position and spending time with my family; I haven’t had a moment to myself, let alone to write. Also, any free time I did have was spent sleeping and/or watching SyFy.

The most interesting trip was probs San Francisco a couple of weeks ago. I was of course there for the earthquake, because why wouldn’t I be present for the strongest natural disaster to hit the state of California in 25 years? I was literally tossed from my bed (not in a good way) at 3:30 in the morning and as soon as I realized what was happening I began to PANIC.

I don’t do well with natural disasters in general, so when one is thrown in hours before the biggest trade show/ career opportunity of my life while alone in a random city? Glitter Ginger don’t play that.

I was on the very top floor of the Hilton, and apparently newer buildings in California are built to “move with an earthquake”. I’m sorry, but by “move with an earthquake” do you mean rock harder than Janis Joplin on a fucking drug binge? Christ, that was scary. The earthquake, not Janice. I was so confused when I woke up via slamming my face into the carpet. It took a couple of seconds to figure out what was going on because I was 1 – woken from a dead sleep 2- was in the third random city in less than two weeks and 3 – took 5-7 melatonin (fuck you, time difference). My thought process was this;

What the fuck, why am I on the floor?

Well I’m alone so this is weird..

Where the fuck am I?

Oh yea, I’m in California.

Wait, is the room shaking? glasses begin to shatter

Is this a dream?

This isn’t a dream *I’m still on the floor..

I’m in California. They have earthquakes in California

HOLY FUCK IS THIS AN EARTHQUAKE?! pictures fall off the wall

HOLY FUCK THIS IS AN EARTHQUAKE

Aren’t I supposed to get in the tub or something?! *I’m still on the floor..

NO, a doorway you idiot.

FUCK that, fetal position it is.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. *Never left the floor..

FUCK YOU, CALIFORNIA.

The end.