Top 3 Conversation Starters

Ever find yourself in a situation where it’s awkwardly silent? Or perhaps you’re just looking for a way to initiate interesting conversation. Well here are the top 3 questions I always ask when conversing with new people and what their responses most likely say about them as human beings.

1 – What was your first AIM/AOL screen name?

If you’re asking a guy this, chances are his internet persona was based around some sort of sport, i.e. LaxBro123 or Hcky4LIFE78..this is acceptable though unoriginal. If it contains a combination of his first or last name and maybe a couple of numbers at the end, I’d say he’s not completely boring and probs won’t date rape you. If his screen name contained any sort of slang (i.e. CDogg736 or WuzzUP98) a form of food, animal or video game character: RUN.

Gentleman: if she responds with anything other than an alphanumerical combination of her name, birthday and possibly a favorite color, she is a stalker who will watch you while you sleep. If her screen name had the name of a deceased pet and/or a member of her favorite boy band, I suggest you immediately change your phone number and perhaps living situation. Because home girl will find you.

2 – What would your ‘life entrance’ song be? (if further explanation is needed, I tend to use the example of professional baseball players when they’re called up to bat and a song plays. Or I just question why I’m still speaking to this person, fake laugh and walk away)

I love this question because almost no one has ever thought of it and people take on average 10-57 minutes to make a final decision. Anyone who answers immediately: marry them.

3 – If you could play a sport professionally what would it be and why?

If he says anything other than hockey he’s a pussy. Actually, I’ll rephrase that. Football is okay because that means he can take a beating and wants to make money. If he says baseball he’s probably lazy as fuck but there’s a good chance he has a nice ass and also, is into making money. We can work with that. If he says golf he 100% owns a cat and murders people in his basement. If bowling or, I don’t know, shuffle puck is brought up he was most likely home schooled and didn’t have cable. Which is basically the same thing as murdering people in your basement. Except he probably used the attic.

If you ask a girl this then you’re just dumb. Or you’re a lesbian in which case I guess the same rules as above apply, except golf is somewhat more acceptable but I’d still be cautious.

Honestly, the weirder the question, the better. You will be SHOCKED by how quickly hilarious and thought provoking conversations are started by what one would normally think is a “stupid” question. I literally began a 90 minute debate last month at a friend’s birthday party simply by putting on ‘Resident Evil: Extinction’, asking everyone to describe their zombie apocalypse plan and what their thoughts were on extraterrestrials.