capecodtoday.com – On this day in 1932, state and local police conducted a widespread search for gunmen suspected of killing one man and critically wounding another outside an empty garage in Hyannis.

“State police laid the slaying at the door of rum runners they believed had been using the garage as a storage place for liquor-laden trucks,” the Sun reported. “The structure stands about 100 yards from the main highway in a rather isolated section a mile west of Hyannis.”

Within a year of the incident, one of many such violent episodes fueled by the illegal sale of alcohol, the 18th Amendment that began Prohibition was repealed with ratification of the 21st Amendment on Dec. 5, 1933.

Can you imagine what the middle of winter on Cape Cod in 1933 was like with no booze? Right now I am typing on a laptop, checking Twitter on my phone, flicking through channels on my T.V., wondering what type of food to have delivered to my house and I’m still so bored that I may start drinking soon.

Now let’s go back to 1933 when there was no computer, phone, T.V. etc. Literally NOTHING to do and then Uncle Sam decides to take away booze. You just had a shitty week at work, it’s Friday and you just got paid but you can’t go have a drink? What is there to do? Keep in mind it’s winter, 1933. Bare knuckle boxing to the death is really the only activity that comes to mind.

So do me a favor, go to your kitchen right now and grab a beer, a bottle, or any kind of booze and hold it close to your bosom for just a moment. Caress it and thank it for existing because remember, in 1933, on this day in Cape Cod history, it didn’t.

 

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Are you one of those people who is always late? Are you running out of excuses to tell your boss? Well worry no more! This guy in Hyannis has the perfect solution to all your problems. Buy his broken GPS and you can pretend you got lost for hours.

Seriously though, what kind of mental problem must you have to post something like this? It’s as if this person has no ability to discern the difference between things with value and trash. Is there a name for that? How about “trashidence”? Yeah that’s what I’m going with from know on when someone thinks something has value when it clearly doesn’t.

Whoever wrote this ad clearly had a bad case of over trashidence.

 

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Capecodonline.com – The job market cooled in November, with the Cape and Islands’ jobless rate higher than the same month last year.

The unemployment rate increased to 7.6 percent last month, compared with 7.2 percent in November 2012, according to the latest data posted by the state Department of Labor and Workforce Investment.

“It’s not a great increase, but certainly we will want to watch,” said David Augustinho, executive director of the Cape and Islands Workforce Investment Board.

Nothing too alarming here, 7.6 to 7.2 is not a huge change. So why am I writing about it? Well let’s go down to the end of the article shall we? This little tidbit is nonchalantly thrown in at the very end…

The Cape town with the lowest jobless rate was Brewster, at 6.0 percent. Provincetown was highest, at 29.9 percent.

What in the fuck? Provincetown has a THIRTY PERCENT unemployment rate? Do you think there’s any chance that number could somehow be linked to them having the highest crime rates as well? Holy shit does P-Town have the rest of us fooled. Every time we come across a new list of worsts it’s always P-Town #1.

To put this in perspective P-Town has a higher unemployment rate than 170 of the 196 countries in the world. It would sit neck and neck with Afghanistan and Yemen on the list. Provincetown is literally a third world country at this point. Nike should be moving factories there to take advantage of these destitute people. Although a Kathy Lee Gifford sweat shop would probably better utilize the existing skills in the community.

P.S. When a community in a world class vacation spot has a higher unemployment rate that Honduras… Honduras! it’s time to think about legalizing bum fight death matches to chip away slowly at the problem.

P.P.S. THIRTY PERCENT!

 

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Capenews.net – Geoff Spillane – In September, Windchime residents presented the board with a petition signed by 50 residents requesting that The Lanes Bowl & Bistro at Mashpee Commons move its musical entertainment indoors. Residents complained that the music from the establishment’s outdoor patio drifted into their neighborhood, keeping them awake three nights per week until the wee hours of the morning. Windchime is on Great Neck Road South, approximately a half-mile east of The Lanes.

It’s Friday, we are all tired from the Holidays and I don’t know if I even have the energy to point out how ridiculous it is to complain about music emanating from a giant outdoor congregation of commercial property. I am too tired to say that people like this are ruining Cape Cod, not just for us, but for future generations as well. It’s too exhausting to even mention how if younger people don’t have fun here they will never develop the memories or attachments that will keep them coming here in the future and The Cape will just get older and die.

That said, I will never be too tired to point out the irony of a bunch of people who live in a place called Windchime, one of the most notoriously annoying outdoor noisemakers in existence, complaining about outdoor noise. Shit like that puts a bounce in my step.

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Capecodtoday.com – A Hyannis woman spent Christmas in jail after being accused of stealing Toys for Tots donations meant for her neighbors’ children. According to a Barnstable police release, officers were called to Hinckley Road around 9:15 p.m. on Christmas Eve where two people told them their neighbor, 49-year-old Janice Tully, stole presents intended for their children.

According to police, the pair said Tully gave them a ride to the Barnstable Police Station, then Independence House, to pick up toys for their five children. The officers were told that after putting the toys in her trunk, Tully abruptly left Independence House alone, telling her two neighbors that she would catch up with them later.

I had to triple check this story to make sure it wasn’t the same one we already posted. I guess this is a thing now? People go and get toys donated for kids on Christmas and then sell them? Seems legit.

So this is the opposite situation from the previous post. If you are a 0, and you add a willingness to steal toys from needy children on Christmas, then what does that make you? A -37? Did Janice Tully just set a record? I think she did right?

Mark it down, on 12/27/13, Janice Tully was declared to have set a Real Cape record when she was rated a -37. Remember this day folks, this record could stand a long, long time. You may have just witnessed the Wilt Chamberlain 100 pt. game of nasty Cape bitches.

 

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Capecodtoday.com – An off duty detective witnessed a Yarmouth woman allegedly shoplift from Victoria’s Secret.

The suspect, 39-year-old Sarah I. Bryant of Yarmouth, is reportedly well known to police, according to the release.

The detective called Barnstable police dispatch and maintained surveillance, following Bryant to Jo-Ann Fabrics.  When on duty officers arrived and confronted Bryant, she reportedly had the items taken from Victoria’s Secret.

According to police, Bryant is currently out on bail on five open larceny-related cases (fifteen counts total). The cases are from Barnstable District Court, Falmouth District Court and Wareham Fourth District Court.

If you’re a guy you just can’t help being turned on by this right? I mean this chick is out on bail with five open cases, and she is still willing to add on to that just to make sure she has some sexy lingerie for the bedroom. You simply can’t teach that type of dedication to the g-string game. There’s no chance in hell I’d do time for a Speedo.

I’m sure all the girls reading this will be all “eww… she’s a nasty ratchet* bitch, why would you say that”? But the simple fact is that you can be a 5, but if you add a willingness to risk going to prison for some silk panties, that turns you automatically into an 8. I don’t want it to be true, I don’t feel good about it, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Sometimes a guy just wants to know a girl is going to throw a glass at his head, key his car and put Newports out on her arm until he “loves her back”.

* That was my first ever attempt at the word ratchet, this chick is definitely ratchet right?

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I highly doubt you want to be the chump who missed out on seeing Afroman TONIGHT at The Beach House right? Well you should probably get your tickets in advance because this one will sell out. IT’S AFROMAN ON THE CAPE! Don’t be the asshole that was gonna get tickets, but then you got high.

Here’s the Beach House website, Facebook Page and phone: (508) 564-5029 no excuses.

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