What the hell did we just watch? What would you do if you saw these dudes doing this at the beach? Would you take mercy on them and explain how to correctly throw a Frisbee? Would you call the police? Punch yourself in the tits to make sure you weren’t dreaming?

Obviously the answer is that you’d do exactly what this person did, bust out your phone and take video so not only could you make fun of them and laugh with all your friends at the time, but you could also make fun of them and laugh for years to come at parties. Someone get these guys some physics lessons STAT.

thanks to P.T. Maddigan for the tip

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TW – So many people were clamoring to get to Belmar, New Jersey, on Sunday, that the mayor stopped all incoming traffic from coming in during the afternoon, saying the small town had reached capacity.

The population is usually about 6,000, but during the summer it soars to more than 60,000, NJ.com reports. Mayor Matt Doherty told NJ Advance Media that he spoke with the police department about the huge number of people packed in the 1.6-square-mile beach town, and they decided Belmar needed to be closed to visitors for safety reasons. Doherty said a “perfect storm of good things” caused the swell in visitors, including the 29th annual seafood festival and beautiful weather. Although visitors were turned away, residents just had to show their license to get around the road closures, and the town reopened for everyone at around 7 p.m.

I wonder if this Mayor was college roommates with Don Stainbrook and Carlo DiPersio of the Sandwich Heritage Garden Zip Line Fun Police? They would probably LOVE to just shut down the entire town.

It seems like a drastic tactic, but I did a little investigating and this is a video of a car full of people headed to Belmar on vacation…

Ummmm… yeah, I’d have shut that shit down permanently. If those were the people coming over the bridges to Cape Cod, I would personally blow them both up like they were The Bridge Over The River Kwai.

Next time you get upset about a 17 year old with dreadlocks parking his parents Mercedes in an illegal spot to play some Lax at the beach, come to this post, watch this video, and give that kid from Hingham a big hug. At least he’s not Juicehead Johnson and his cousin Steroids McGee from that video up there.

P.S. Don’t Jersey The Cape…

thanks to Craig for the tip

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FOX – A pair of horrific shark attacks in a span of little more than an hour Sunday left two youths badly injured and rocked a North Carolina beach town, where the mayor said Monday there wasn’t enough time to get everyone out of the water after the first victim was bitten.

A 12-year-old girl visiting from out of town was the first victim, at Oak Island near the Ocean Crest Fishing Pier. The girl, who was not identified, lost part of her left arm and was in danger of losing her left leg in the attack, which occurred at about 4:40 p.m., officials said Sunday. A little more than an hour later, at 5:51, medics responded to a second attack about two miles away, this time on a 16-year-old boy, also visiting, who lost his left arm. It was not known if the same shark was responsible for both attacks. Both victims were in fair condition Monday at a Wilmington hospital.

It’s only a matter of time! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE! I love you Cape Cod, but…

Keep an eye out for the launch of therealkansas.com coming soon!

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CapeCod.com – A Marstons Mills woman who formerly served as the chief financial officer at the Woods Hole Research Center and the International Fund for Animal Welfare in Yarmouth has been charged with stealing prescription medications from the children of a family that rented a house she owns.

Melanie Powers was released on personal recognizance after pleading not guilty Thursday in Barnstable District Court to five counts of larceny of a controlled substance.

The 57-year-old Powers was captured on video by the mother of the children from whom the medications were allegedly stolen. The family is renting a home from Powers.

The drugs stolen included oxycodone, morphine, Ketamine, Dilaudid and diazepam. The children took the medication for a rare genetic connective tissue disorder.

Obviously this woman is a complete scumbag for stealing a kids medicine, she should be locked up and yada, yada, yada… now on to the important question. What the hell kind of genetic condition gets you that list of drugs? Holy shit what a cocktail. I don’t know about you but I can feel my connective tissue disordering as we speak, someone get me the name of that doctor.

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CapeCodTimes.com – Pufferbellies Nightclub, along with the 2.36 acre property it sits on, has been purchased for $1.96 million by a trust on behalf of Hy-Line Cruises, said Philip Scudder, Hy-Line vice president of marketing.

The locally-owned ferry company made the deal for the property on Route 28 next to the railroad tracks at the end of May, according to Scudder and town assessors records. It was bought to serve as off-site parking for future ferry-goers heading to Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard, he said.

“We have been looking for off-site parking for several years,” Scudder said, “We’ve been anticipating growth in the market and we are pretty much at max capacity here on Ocean Street.”

Because it still holds a two-year lease, Pufferbellies will continue to operate this summer and have the option of operating through next summer as well, according to Scudder. Hy-Line will not begin redevelopment on the property until the lease expires, Scudder said.

First they turn the Mill Hill into a retirement home, and now Pufferbellies is going to be a parking lot. Another dagger in the heart of the old Cape Cod. Granted, the last few years haven’t been stellar for Puff’s, but back in the day the place was legendary. Our Keller Williams and The Wailers shows there were absolutely amazing, the place had so much potential.

The Real Cape actually tried to buy Pufferbellies last year, we had a verbal deal done and the owner flaked on us at the last minute on the day before we were supposed to sign papers. We were going to close it for a few months to restore it to its former glory, then re-open it as The Cape Cod Music Hall with a steady stream of national acts while giving local bands a top notch venue to cut their teeth at.

Apparently the owner figures a parking lot is more vital to Cape Cod than a bad ass music venue. Kinda strange since he is an entertainer and musician himself. Oh well, people gotta park somewhere right? It’s just too bad that they had to murder another Cape Cod institution just to make room for a bunch of SUV’s with Connecticut plates.

Do a little moment of silence today and pour a little beer on the ground for our dead homies, because Cape Cod just took another step closer to the grave. I have a sneaking suspicion that retirement homes and parking lots aren’t quite the attractions that the young people and vacationers are looking for when deciding where to spend their time and money. Sad day indeed.

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WL – When great white sharks return to the Cape in the coming weeks they will be swimming into waters that afford them greater protections.

On Thursday, the Division of Marine Fisheries adopted emergency regulations – effective immediately – that restrict activity around white sharks.

“The summertime presence of these sharks has resulted in substantial public interest and this interest is prompting an increase in deliberate interactions between white sharks and humans, including the development of cage diving and other white shark tourism businesses, as well as incidents of recreational boaters attempting to attract white sharks to their vessels,” said the advisory issued by the state.

The advisory stated that people are prohibited from attracting or capturing white sharks in Massachusetts waters unless they have been issued a permit from the division of marine fisheries. The permit is designed to protect both sharks and people, the advisory said.

What about protecting the humans? Where’s our emergency regulations? Maybe the state should advise white sharks that they are “prohibited from attracting or eating humans in Massachusetts waters”. When’s the last time you saw a human take a bite out of a sharks kayak, huh? Regulate the sharks, they are the ones eating everything in sight.

In all seriousness though, the fact that we need these regulations is insane. Anyone that isn’t a shark specialist or marine biologist that deliberately interacts with white sharks deserves to be eaten as far as I’m concerned. It just goes to show how arrogant humans have become over the years. Imagine if they released these regulations 50 years ago? People would be like… “so don’t go near the giant, perfectly designed, apex predators in their own environment? Ummm… OK, thanks Captain Obvious.”

Not us though, not today. Everyone wants to take a selfie with the man eating, hunting machine. I say let Darwinism do its thing. You want to deliberately interact with a natural born killer be my guest, but don’t come crying to the rest of us when you get bitten in half. What’s that old saying? You mess with the shark, you get the five rows of razor sharp teeth?

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MVTimes – This season, TTOR has initiated a program under the close watch of federal authorities to control an animal known for its intelligence and ability to gobble up eggs and newly hatched chicks — the crow.

Each summer season, The Trustees of Reservations (TTOR), a nonprofit conservation organization that manages miles of pristine beachfront on Chappaquiddick open to the public and accessible by over-sand vehicles (OSV), gears up for the arrival of state and federally protected shorebirds that seek out the gravel and sand of Martha’s Vineyard’s shoreline to nest and lay eggs.

For the past several years, TTOR utilized box traps for both skunks and crows. This year, TTOR implemented a more controversial antipredation tactic, lethal crow control. Although they don’t like using this method, TTOR ecology assistant Caitlin Borck said it is necessary.

In conjunction with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, TTOR put up mock exclosures to attract the intelligent birds.

“The thing is that crows are very smart, and they will teach other crows their behaviors,” Ms. Borck said. “If we were not to remove these smart predators from our property, they would continue to teach other crows more and more that exclosures are a food source.”

TTOR wants to remove the intelligent crows from the property so that no new crows will learn the behavior. In order to do this, chicken eggs are put in the mock exclosures for two weeks and cameras monitor for crows that are targeting the exclosures. Once identified, with USDA approval, TTOR places toxic eggs in the exclosure.

This, my friends, is a little thing we like to call a “god complex”. Somehow these people have decided that it is up to them to decide which species should live and which should die, and they are doing it in stark contrast to the wishes of a little lady named Mother Nature. Would we start killing lions so they don’t hurt the poor wildebeests?

I care about this not because I am some crow loving hippie. I care because it scares the ever loving crap out of me. Crows are one of those animals that definitely know something we don’t know. They’ve tapped into some sort of dark energy and they are privy to some kind of evil spirit that is watching us from afar. I don’t know about you but when crows are around I stay extra alert just waiting for them to attack me and peck out my eyeballs or something. They just have some weird look in their eye, and I don’t trust them.

They talk about how smart the crows are in this article, saying they teach each other how to eat nesting Plovers, but they don’t seem worried at all about what happens when they start teaching each other how humans are murdering them with poison chicken eggs. Well, I am. Cut the shit Vineyard before the crows start holding militia meetings and planning some serious Alfred Hitchcock shit.

I don’t even think Plovers lives are worth closing off a beach, they definitely aren’t worth antagonizing the devil crows into mounting some apocalyptic, black magic, aerial attack on humans. There are some evil beings in nature that you just don’t fuck with, and crows are firmly planted on the short list. So let’s just leave them alone before they come rap, rap, rapping at our doors OK?

P.S. What more proof do we need to know crows are scary as shit other than the fact that a flock of crows is called a “murder” of crows. Seriously, LOOK IT UP.

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