Best News Ever – Pedi Cabs May Be Coming To Hyannis

CapeCodTimes.com – A plan to bring human-powered pedicab transportation to downtown Hyannis this summer is moving forward.

Barnstable Town Manager Thomas Lynch is currently reviewing a five-page draft of rules and regulations for the bicycle-like multiwheeled vehicles that transport passengers for hire.

Lynch said last week he is waiting to receive additional input from the town’s licensing committee and the police department, which will be jointly responsible for enforcing the rules and regulations. He anticipates that a public hearing on the matter will be held in May.

If the regulations are approved, a one-year pilot program will begin June 1. Only one company — Cape Cod Pedicabs — would be allowed to operate during the pilot period, and it would be limited to licensing five pedicabs to pick up fares in the downtown district. Cape Cod Pedicabs was established by Daniel Scandurra of West Barnstable and a business partner.

Being a pedi cab driver has to be the single worst job I could ever imagine doing. Manually toting drunken douchey tourists around from bar to bar on Hyannis Main St. is right at the top of the list of things you couldn’t pay me enough to do, it’s just after getting oral sex from a piranha, and right before jabbing sewing needles under my fingernails.

On the flip side, being toted around drunk from bar to bar sounds like an absolute blast. Naying at the sub human driver like a horse and whipping him with my belt while yelling that he’s gonna end up in the glue factory if I miss last call seems like a nice little Saturday night in Hy Town.

Now we just need to answer the big question; Do open container laws apply in the back of a pedi cab? Are they like limos and you can drink, or like cars and it’s illegal? If drinking is allowed, then giddy up! The hipster drivers better start some Lance Armstrong level blood doping programs because The Real Cape will be riding pedi cabs on pub crawls from Provincetown to Woods Hole. Somebody get A-Rod’s personal trainer on the phone, stat.