U. Mass Scientists Are Insane – Asking Cape Cod Residents To Mail Them Deer Ticks

deer tick

WickedLocal.com – This is your opportunity to be an unwilling but helpful cog in the wheel of epidemiological science.

If you’re bitten by a deer tick, the state of Massachusetts doesn’t want you – it wants that tick.

“We’re working out the details of how people will do this,” explained Larry Dapsis, the entomologist with Cape Cod Cooperative Extension. “We will have preaddressed mailers probably at town board of health offices. We’ll try to make it as easy as possible. Ideally people will submit ticks they find on themselves so they can know what they’ve been exposed to.”

This is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard in 3.2 years. I would literally rather get Anthrax or Ricin in the mail than a fucking deer tick. I don’t think these scientists fully understand the fear that is instilled from birth in the average Cape Codders psyche when it comes to deer ticks.

The only thing children on Cape Cod are taught to fear more than deer ticks is people from Wareham. The mere sight of these tiny creatures will have a child limping around for days, swearing they see the dreaded “target” around the bite and declaring which siblings get which toys upon their death.

When you find a deer tick on your body you immediately strip down naked, douse all of your clothing in gasoline, light the lot on fire and make sure the tick burns to death right in front of your eyes. Now scientist want us to casually throw it in an envelope, put it in the car, drive it to a mailbox and just leave the thing out in the general public? No fucking thanks.

We’ve got a system already and it works for us. I’m pretty sure these scientists are going to have a hard time convincing Cape Codders to add hours of exposure time to Lyme Disease to their daily routines. So thanks for the offer but I’ll probably just take up AIDS needle juggling instead.

P.S. “Keaton always said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.” Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is deer ticks.” – Verbal Kint

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