More Proof People Live Forever On Nantucket – There’s No Place To Bury People

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Ack.net – The island’s public cemeteries are nearly full, and town officials are pressed for finding more space, as some island families have complained that the cost of private cemetery plots is often beyond their reach.

Only two of the town’s eight public cemeteries have available plots, and the Nantucket Cemetery Commission has been working for the last two years to determine what space is available and how much to charge.

Not too long ago we wrote about Nantucket’s only funeral home closing. At the time I speculated that the people of Nantucket had found the secret to eternal life when I wrote;

We knew it would happen eventually. Apparently the 1% bourgeois elite people of Nantucket have solved the mystery of eternal life. This is the only explanation for this. People just don’t die on Nantucket anymore. Just goes to show, you can do anything if you have enough money, even live forever.

Now we find out that not only is there nowhere to have a wake on Nantucket, but there’s nowhere to bury the dead either? At this point they are just throwing their immortality right in our faces.

If I had known wearing topsiders and Nantucket Reds meant I would live forever I would have applied for a Murray’s Toggery Shop rewards card years ago. Hell I’d even rock the ones with whales on them if I had to.

This is a formal plea to any of our Nantucket readers, let me in your Highlander club please. I want to drink wine, go yachting and get hammered at The Chicken Box for forever and ever with you guys.

P.S. For you mainlanders thinking I’m a traitor, my options are running out, I’m definitely not welcome in Harwich anymore after yesterday.

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