So I’ve had a pretty rough week. The founder and organizer of the Monster Shark Tournament died, I got dumped, had a really shitty run and Zac Efron’s jaw is STILL wired shut. Taking all of this into consideration, clearly I’ve had a lot to drink this week in order to cope.
I live alone and tend to pride myself on my daily routines. I get up, go for a run, come back and get ready for work. I brew some coffee and put it in my adorable, yet professional-chique, pink sequin travel mug and go on my merry little way. Well, this week has really thrown me for a loop with all of these unfortunate happenings. For starters, my runs have been awful because I’m 1-fat, 2- I’m sad about being dumped and 3- it’s as cold as my icy heart outside and no human can run, let alone walk, for more than 10 minutes in this shit. So naturally I’ve had wine and corn for dinner every night this week.
SOO I also didn’t do the dishes like I normally would have. Whatever, I needed to throw a pity party for myself..Invitation: one.
I passed out mid-glass (red flag #1 that I’m sad if I don’t finish my glass of wine – typically I’d donate a toe before throwing wine away), so when I woke up this morning, I tossed the remainders into the sink..where I hadn’t realized my coffee pot still sat from the day before. Carrying on with my daily routine, I throw some coffee grounds into the maker, grab the pot out of the sink while thinking “maybe I should put makeup on today and change out of leggings so I don’t die alone with nothing but my dreams of meeting the love of my life in rehab like Gwenyth Paltrow did in Country Strong) and got dressed.
WELLLLLLL…Good Morning to ME because I hadn’t realized the coffee pot was filled with red wine – which then fused with the brewed coffee. JACKPOT!
I took my first sip in the car while sitting in traffic on 95 and immediately wanted to vom. Then realized that weird taste was in fact alcohol and I would never waste alcohol, not even at 6am when it’s from the day before and had been sitting in a dirty coffee pot. Some call that a problem, I call it a Thursday.
I eventually sobered up about mid-morning but I think people in the office noticed. I may or may not have told one of the Directors here that I wanted to “punch his email in the face” because I hated the graphic layout and also told the girl that sits across from me that I would rather die of an STD then be caught dead in a fleece vest with a corporate logo on it.
How was YOUR Thursday!?
The best part of waking up is Cab Sav in your cup…PATENT PENDINGFacebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony
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