FBI Video Of Rockland Trust Robbery Suspect – Do You Know This Man? 10K Reward

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Remember when we broke the story of The Rockland Trust robbery a few weeks back with some hard hitting investigative journalism? Well the police have released video of the suspect and are asking for help identifying the man responsible. Here is the video:

The big question after watching this is what the hell is going on at this Rockland Trust? The place looks like a landscaping shop or something. What does a bank need a fork lift for? Is that a lawn mower in the left hand corner? How did some dude with no tools break into a bank? Was it even locked?

Anyway, if you know anyone that looks like this guy you should definitely report it. I am sure that narrowing the search down to a guy with a beard in a hoodie means it could only be every single person you know on Cape Cod. Should be a slam dunk!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

State Rep Who Tried To Block The Mashpee Oyster Farm Is Back With A Doozy!

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BostonGlobe.com – State Representative Michael Costello told a federal jury Monday that he sought the help of House Speaker Salvatore F. DiMasi’s office to lobby the Probation Department for a job for a family friend.

Costello said he had met John J. O’Brien, the probation commissioner, but did not know him well enough at the time, around 2006, and when it came to recommending the friend for a job, “I would try to go up the ladder.”

O’Brien, who was commissioner from 1998 to 2010, and his top deputies, Elizabeth Tavares and William Burke III, face charges including racketeering and mail fraud, for allegedly running their department like a criminal enterprise.

Prosecutors say they favored job candidates who were sponsored by state legislators over more qualified candidates. In exchange, the prosecutors say, the legislators routinely boosted the Probation Department’s budget, helping O’Brien build his political clout.

Prosecutors called the jobs “political currency” and say O’Brien and his deputies committed fraud by creating a scheme to shield the bogus hiring from the judges who oversaw appointments.

Remember Michael Costello? He is the shady state rep form Newburyport that tried to sneak legislation into the state budget that would kill a Mashpee oyster farm. It was later shown that he did it because he was paid by a bunch of uber wealthy summer residents that didn’t want a townie ruining their view.

Well, he is back in the news and this time it may be even shadier. It looks like he was part of an old boy network that traded jobs for his friends for budget increases in the department they were hired. So basically he was bribing officials to get his friends jobs… with our fucking money, taxpayer money.

How is this guy testifying with immunity? He misappropriated taxpayer money for his own gain, why is that something that he should get immunity for? Seems to me that is about as egregious as you can get. Even worse than taking money from someone in a district 100 miles away from yours and camouflaging legislation in order to hide it from your fellow state reps that actually represent that area.

What more does this dude have to do in order to have some repercussions? I think he must have nude pics of Deval’s wife or something.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Eastham Music Therapist Is Proving That Music Will Keep You Sane Longer

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CapeCodOnline.com – On Flag Day about 10 seniors sat around a piano while Brianna LePage, a music therapist at The Gathering Place in Eastham, played patriotic tunes.

Some of them suffer from dementia and other cognitive impairments that make it difficult to recall even relatives’ names. But they knew the words to the songs from their childhoods, LePage said.

Music lives in a part of the mind that isn’t easily destroyed by dementia, said LePage, who studied music therapy at the Berklee College of Music in Boston after graduating from Provincetown High School.

“It’s one of the final areas of the brain to go,” she said. “Music stays with us for our whole lives.”

After college, LePage headed to the Bronx for an internship at the Institute for Music and Neurologic Function, which is run by the renowned music therapist Dr. Concetta Tomaino and the famed neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks, author of “Musicophilia,” and “The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat.”

Sacks and Tomaino taught her a great deal, said LePage, who, in addition to singing, plays piano and guitar.

But she learned the most about music therapy from her next job, working with a 94-year-old patient at the Kings Harbor Multicare Center in the Bronx.

“This woman was totally isolated and alone, but I gravitated toward her,” LePage said. “I tried guitar, I tried piano and it just didn’t work.”

But LePage kept trying and then the woman began to recognize her from across the room. She opened up, and regained as much function as she had when she first entered Kings Harbor, LePage said. Although her mind was compromised, her spirit rebounded.

Is it coincidence that this came across the wire just hours after announcing the festival? I doubt it, so I figured we’d share this with you and let you know that when you get old and you can’t remember your relatives names the only thing you’ll have left is music. Just a little something to think about as you contemplate whether or not to go to The Real Cape Music Festival.

Stay home if you want, but don’t come crying to us when your mind is an empty void while all of your roommates at the retirement home are jamming out to all the tunes they remember from years gone by. It’s probably why The Fun Police get so pissy as they get older. They are going crazy from lack of musical exposure. Don’t let it be you!

P.S. If you didn’t chuckle at the fact renowned neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks named one of his books “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat” then we probably wouldn’t be friends.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Hyannis Kids Arrested Celebrating World Cup Victory On Car Roof Waving Flag

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HyannisNews.com – Sometimes cops want to ask young adults “what in the Wide World of Sports were you just thinking?”

Last night was one of those situations, where police received a call about a black Audi driving around downtown Hyannis with man sitting on the roof, legs dangling through the sunroof, waiving an American flag, and shouting “USA!”

USA had just defeated Ghana 2-1 in day 5 of the World Cup…

At least one witness phoned police after the Audi turned off Main Street and eventually onto South Street, traveling at speeds of 35 to 40 MPH… with a passenger still sitting on the roof holding a flag in such a way that it filled up with air and acted like a parachute… it’s a miracle he wasn’t killed.

“USA, USA, USA!” the jubilant 19-year-old rooftop flag bearer somehow managed to not fall off and kill himself as the car he was riding on finally slowed to a stop at the traffic lights at South Street and Ocean Street…

Police were on their way, finally stopping the celebrants on Ocean Street just past the HyLine Ferries…

Celebration or not, police were not impressed…

Both young men were handcuffed and seated in the back of separate patrol cars. Police also secured an undisclosed quantity of beer as evidence…

The 20-year-old driver from Dennis was arrested for Operating to Endanger/Reckless Operation for riding around with someone sitting on the roof of his car. He was also charged with being a Minor in Possession of Alcohol.

The 19-year-old flag-bearer from Forestdale was arrested for being a Minor in Possession of Alcohol.

Before I comment on this and everyone freaks out, I want to point out a key part of this article. These kids were not arrested for OUI, they were not driving under the influence, they were in possession of alcohol.

With that said, I have to believe that this is a tough arrest for the police. I realize that in this day and age there is just no way a cop can risk his career letting these guys go, but he couldn’t have been happy about arresting them right? Riding around chanting USA! and waving a flag? I’m 95% sure you get away with this move 20 years ago, as long as you weren’t known to the cops as being a total douche.

I mean they are guilty of two things really. Loving their country… and loving beer. If that’s a crime then you can go ahead and lock me up for life. Imagine if Brazil decided to arrest every person hanging out of  a car sunroof waving a flag after a World Cup victory? I’m pretty sure that would leave three people that didn’t go to jail.

Remember the days of children riding in the back of pickup trucks? Now you can’t even wave a flag out of a sunroof in the name of the good ole USA? Oh well, I guess we now officially live our lives in such a bubble that you can’t even celebrate patriotism anymore.

P.S. I’ve said before, I’ll say it again. Hyannisnews.com is the best news outlet on Cape Cod.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

True Talk Tuesday – Texting Help

Today, we’ll discuss communication issues with the opposite sex, particularly texting. One reader asked:

I’m a girl so I clearly like talking. Which nowadays translates into texting: how do I deal w/ guys who take HOURS to respond!? Like I’m just trying to get together maybe have some drinks and have a drunk make out sesh?!

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Dear Texting Tanya,

Tip #1: if all you’re looking for is a drunken make-out session then my advice is to put down the phone, head to Dairy Queen, order a chocolate oreo blizzard and offer a ride home to the first attractive teenager who orders a dilly bar. I mean shit, if you’re looking for a hook up you have GOT to do more than just send a couple of text messages.

I mean for fucks sake, in this day and age all a guy has to do is open an app on his phone, slide right (or left? I don’t know how that shit works) and his lobster roll is in your quahog* all before you’ve figured out which emoji best coincides with “What’s up”.

Second: if a guy doesn’t respond to your text within a couple of hours, there’s a reason. That reason is he’s either uninterested, with someone else or he died. If he has even the slightest intention of hooking up with you, homeboy will answer that shit faster than I’d finish that chocolate oreo blizzard. Which brings me to my third and final tip when texting for a hook up..

Never have less than 3 (but no more than 5), dudes in your texting rotation. A texting rotation should include at least one of the following:

  1. The guy who will always answer but that you’d never actually hook up with. You should only text him when nobody else is answering and you need confirmation that you aren’t going to die alone or move back in with your parents at 37.
  2. The bro you have amazing sex with, but would never actually want to be around sober, because he always finds a way to make you feel like a giant piece of shit. He hits on other girls in front of you, ignores you in public and has no problem telling you when you look fat. Nothing turns you on more than a guy who literally wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Hot.
  3. The genius who’s amazing in bed but literally too stupid to function. He’s the one that sends texts that make you shudder like, “i mite be their” or “wut u doin 2nite”. The stupidity is enough to make you want to kill yourself but you’re not it in for the vocab, sweetheart.
  4. Anyone with a penis.

If none of the above help get the results you’re looking for just send a mass tit pic or I don’t know, meet me at Dairy Queen.

*analogy credit to Bart; the dumb mother-fucker who called me “iralevant” moments before using that gem of a pick up line which I now use whenever possible for both monetary and comedic profit 

All question submissions are kept anonymous and will be answered in a ridiculous fashion that will most likely have nothing to do with what you actually wanted an answer to. 

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Hyannis Woman Drinks Fifth Of Vodka, Spits In Cops Face – All In A Days Work

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Capecodonline.com – A 26-year-old Hyannis woman was arraigned Thursday in Barnstable District Court on a charge of assault and battery on a police officer and is due back in court for a pretrial conference July 14.

Barnstable police went to a home on Vanderbuilt Circle at 2:30 p.m. Wednesday responding to a report of a disturbance there. Kaileen Crane, at the house to pick up her belongings, had a strong smell of alcohol on her and told police she had consumed a fifth of vodka, according to court records.

When they tried to take her into protective custody, she allegedly spit on one of the officers.

You know we really went through a lull with Cape criminals in the last few months but it looks like the floodgates have opened. We’ve got meth labs, girls with drugs in their vaginas and now we have the middle of the order. Just a solid all around showing here. Nothing fancy but it has all the fundamentals of a great Cape criminal story. Let’s go through the list.

1. Hyannis

2. A fifth of Vodka

3. Picking up your shit and causing a disturbance

4. Spitting in a cops face

You aren’t going to win any awards with this performance but this is the type of middle of the road criminality that keeps the lights on. Cape Cod criminals are back baby!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Cape Cod Craigslist Ad Of The Day – Seeking Girls With Nice Butts Who Like Weed

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CL Seeking Model Who is Comfortable with her Bum and also digs 420

Looking to do an impromptu shoot as soon as possible. Will require partial nudity (that would be your bum). Please tell me a bit about yourself when inquiring and your payment will be discussed. compensation: “420”

Just to recap, this guy is looking for girls that will let him take photos of their butt and accept weed as payment. You have to respect this dude. This is a man who knows exactly what he wants and exactly what he will pay to get it. This is a Cape Cod renaissance man. He loves his weed and a good derriere. Everyone has their thing.

This is a diverse peninsula we are living on folks. In what other place do people from such different walks of life brush shoulders so often (besides Twitter)? Some people like 17th century literature and vintage port wines, some people like pot and ass. The only question left is, which side are you on?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony