BizJournals.com – When you visit an Ocean State Job Lot store, some days it can seem like you can buy almost anything there: silverware, dog food, socks, garbage cans, a kayak. But starting this month, there’s something new amid all the clutter at a few of the stores: alcohol.

The North Kingstown, R.I.-based retailer has become the latest to try to take advantage of a relatively new Massachusetts law to modestly raise the cap on the number of locations where a company can sell alcohol. It used to be that a retailer could only sell alcohol in three locations. But years of lobbying by the supermarket industry, and the threat of another high-priced ballot question over this issue, led to a legislative compromise in 2011. Now, retailers can sell alcohol at up to five locations, and this number will eventually rise to nine in 2020.

Game Changer! Now when you go to get a $12 area rug that smells like smoke and your $0.99 spices you can pick up a 30 pack that was damaged in shipping as well. What a country!

The best part about this news is that Ocean State Job Lot is a right of passage for kids moving out of their parents home for the first time. Whether you are going to college, the big city, or just down the street to a basement apartment, every one of us has hit Job Lot for a cheesy pot and pan set, package of drinking glasses and silverware bundle. Now part of the move-out starter kit can include the most important necessity in any newly independent young adults life… Alcohol!

P.S. Is it a coincidence that they can sell alcohol at five stores and they have exactly five locations on Cape Cod? Well… yes, the answer is yes, but if they are smart they will stock them all with some discount booze.

Patch.com – The Massachusetts State Lottery has released its most expensive scratch ticket ever.
“World Class Millions” costs $30. The lottery announced the new ticket as plans for more casinos in the state move forward.

The ticket’s high payout is $15 million. The lottery said the odds of winning a prize are 1 in 2.81 and the payout percentage is the highest of any of its games.

We’ve all been stuck behind the guy at the register at Tedeschi that is getting 38 quick picks, 14 daily number variations and $425 worth of assorted scratch tickets. He’s there for half an hour talking to the clerk like an auctioneer while you stand there with your jaw open drinking your entire bottle of water you went in to buy and wondering if you will make it back to work on time.

Well that guy just got a brand new way to squander his retirement fund. The $30 scratch ticket is sure to have convenience store gamblers all in a tizzy for the next few months. Not unlike a heroin dealer, the government will surely issue all the good shit first. Put out all the winners and get ’em hooked. Next thing you know $30 is just what you spend on a scratch ticket, it’s just normal.

Psssstt… Hey buddy… yeah you… over here. You want to be able to retire someday? STOP SPENDING $500 A DAY ON COMPUTER GENERATED GAMBLING. It’s computerized for christ sake, the odds were stacked against you BY A COMPUTER.

P.S. Whenever they release a new super expensive ticket they always say that it has the highest percentage payout ever to entice people. No shit assholes, when you are taking more money from people on each transaction you can pay out more often and still make more total money back, but definitely don’t mention that. We wouldn’t want to let the facts get in the way of a frenzy when you are fleecing the people out of more of their money.

WickedLocal.com – Some of Scott Morris’s favorite childhood memories are of spending summers driving onto Nauset Beach with his family and he was hoping that after nearly a decade of beach closures his children could have the same experience. But they may have to wait until next year.

With U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service officials asking for a 10th rewrite before they begin a three- to six-month review process, the group that has been working on a plan that balances protection of piping plovers with public access is recommending the town wait a year before it’s implemented.

“We are doing everything to oblige all the requests of the federal government and they are still coming,” said Morris, the past president of the Massachusetts Beach Buggy Association and member of the working group. “It’s something we can’t rush. We have waited for seven years, if it means waiting one more year to do it right we will. We are not giving up.”

“It’s not looking very good for summer 2014. The federal government can’t finish what they have to do,” said Selectman John Hodgson, who has been leading the effort.

The working group will continue to push and refine the Habitat Conservation Plan, which, if implemented, would be the first of its kind on the East Coast.

Our stance on the Piping Plovers is well documented here but this is absolutely beyond ridiculous at this point. Please read this next excerpt in full as it really shows what we are talking about here.

The delay is frustrating, said Hodgson, because the plan hinges on responsibly moving past two nests, or less than a mile of beach. Once that gauntlet is passed – provided there isn’t another nest at the beginning of the trail – miles of beach are open to off road vehicles that have used the outer beach for decades. The plover nests at the beginning of the trail, which is narrow, closed the beach extending toward Chatham to vehicles for 80 days last year. The habitat conservation plan sets up specific protocols to have closely monitored vehicles pass by nests with chicks – which is not allowed under current regulations.

Selectmen Summers is beginning to see why there isn’t an habitat conservation plan on the East Coast.

“Incredibly, after working for nearly a year, spending hundreds of hours of time and lots of money in creating a 365-page document that includes what the federal government essentially told us they needed, and after having submitted that document on nine separate occasions with requests for repeated revisions and changes we still have not received the approval of the government to pass by a few birds on the beach,” said Summers.

A 365 page document submitted and revised nine separate times over a year at the expense of countless man hours and tax dollars, and we still can’t drive by two birds nests to access miles of beach. It’s preposterous, it’s outrageous, and it literally defies logic. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. If we were talking about humans and not birds there is zero chance that they would close miles of beaches to thousands of citizens because two people decided to nest there. They would be removed by the police and put in jail.

The federal government has spoken. A few birds are simply more important than tens of thousands of tax paying American citizens. Makes sense when you think about it. After all, this country was BUILT on the backs of Piping Plovers. Maintaining their quality of life and preserving the Plovers slice of the American Dream should be Washington D.C.’s #1 priority. Right?

Falmouth.Patch.com – Massachusetts residents have a decidedly unenthusiastic view of their state, according to a new Gallup poll.

Just 7 percent of Bay Staters said Massachusetts is the best state to live in, which ranked 32nd among the 50 states.

“Residents with the most pride in their state as a place to live generally boast a greater standard of living, higher trust in state government, and less resentment toward the amount they pay in state taxes,” the poll found.

Wait just a Minuteman! Are you telling me that in a poll about trusting state government and resentment levels towards state taxes, the cynical residents of Taxachusetts weren’t singing the praises of the Bay State for all to hear? Shocking.

By the way, this poll was taken at the tail end of the worst winter in like a bajillion years. It may possibly be slightly skewed by the fact that 83% of residents actually froze their tits off recently. Here are the top three answers when Massachusetts residents were polled about the best state to live in…

1. Denial
2. Go fuck yourself
3. Your mom

Do you know which states had the best rankings in this “poll”? Montana, Alaska, Utah and Wyoming. Yeah, ok. I think they might want to change the name of this poll to “Are you a delusional optimist that likes whittling and such”?

This has to be the most flawed “poll” in history. Nobody but someone dumb enough to live in fucking Montana would EVER say that Montana is the best state to live in. People in Massachusetts just aren’t idots, we know that our lives suck and there are better states tax wise. We just can’t live in them, because who wants to live with someone who’s actually happy to be living in Utah? Fuck Utah and Fuck you Gallup.

As is expected with anything subjective in nature, there have been some complaints during this tournament. There were a few nominees that some people felt weren’t actually dive bars. There were some serious dives that lost in the early rounds while even a strip club advanced. Many crowd favorites were eliminated early. The Towne Tavern, the inspiration for this tournament and sentimental favorite following their recent fire, was eliminated in the great eight.

With all of that said, nobody can argue with this Final Four. The cream has risen to the top. While you may have a place that is your favorite, you can not deny that every bar left deserves to be here. These are four infamous Cape Cod establishments and it will be interesting to see what happens now. It’s anyone’s tournament at this point folks, now get to voting and sharing!