The Kennedys Do The Ice Bucket Challenge And Ethel Nominates Obama

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You’d think the Kennedys would have enough money to donate instead of dumping the ice buckets on their heads, but to each their own. I like the move by Ethel calling out Obama with the “Welcome to Cape Cod”. Just goes to show that the coolest Kennedy’s are still the originals.

P.S. Hey Maxwell, easy on the name dropping dude, we get it, you’re a Kennedy.

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Woman In Handcuffs Escapes From Barnstable Police, Still At Large

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CapeCodOnline.com – A handcuffed Hyannis woman is on the run after her girlfriend helped her escape from the back of a police cruiser Friday night, according to police.

Shainah Lopes, 32, of Hyannis was wanted on two default warrants for larceny and was spotted by a police officer on Charles Street near Grove Street Friday night, according to Barnstable police Detective Lt. John Murphy.

Lopes fled on foot when the officer tried to stop her but he was able to catch up with her, handcuff her and put her in the back of his cruiser, Murphy said.

Lopes was going to be charged on the default warrants as well as disorderly content and resisting arrest but as the officer was driving away her girlfriend opened the back door to the cruiser so that Lopes could escape, Murphy said.

The cruiser was locked from the inside but the doors could be opened from the outside, Murphy said.

The officer was able to chase down the girlfriend – Latrona Sims, 34, of Hyannis – but Lopes escaped, Murphy said.

“She is still out there,” he said, adding that police are following up on leads as to her whereabouts.

Anyone who knows where Lopes is should call the Barnstable police at 508-775-0387, Murphy said.

First off, this is obviously extremely embarrassing for the officer my girl Shainah got away from. I can’t imagine his cop buddies are going to let him off easy for letting a 32 year old woman in handcuffs get away from him. They must be giving him all kinds of shit down at the station. Probably a lot of “Hey can I borrow your handcuf… ohhhh yeah, sorry,” type comments this week.

That’s not even the real story here though, let’s talk about Latrona Sims for a minute. This gal should be up for GLAAD girlfriend of the year award. Talk about never giving up, most people figure once their girlfriend is in the back of a closed cruiser in handcuffs that the gig is up, but not Latrona. She plays hard until the whistle, this police officer was high stepping into the end zone and she came from the opposite end of the field to knock the ball out of his hand at the one yard line.

You just can’t teach that type of loyalty, dedication and selflessness. Girls like Latrona don’t come along very often, all I know is that Shainah better put a ring on that shit ASAP.

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Don’t Miss The Best Day Of The Week At Liam’s!

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If you missed Liam Maguire’s Sunday Funday brunch llast week then you probably heard about it. There were some insane musicians sitting in with The Silent Trees for some great acoustic jamming. In other words this is officially a don’t miss event. If you are like me then your news feed has been blowing up with photos of the build your own Bloody Mary’s. The things are famous at this point, but in case you haven’t heard, you can customize them any way you want, to the point of gluttonous debauchery.

This is all happening right now 12-3 pm on Main St. in Famouth. If you see me behind one of  these in the corner, please don’t bother me until at least half of my skewers are gone, the Great esCape needs ones FULL attention.

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Sunday Brunch

Breakfast Burrito

Scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, and two hash browns with an avocado chipotle aioli.

Irish Breakfast

Two eggs cooked to order, two rashers, two bangers, black and white pudding, home fries, and a fried tomato. Served with brown bread.

Crab cakes Eggs Benedict

Two English muffins topped with jumbo crab cakes, Irish bacon, poached eggs and our own homemade hollandaisesauce. Served with home fries.

French Toast

Three slices of thick cut Sourdough bread dipped in our own cinnamon French toast batter. Served with a side fresh fruit.

Chicken & Waffles

Habanero Guinness waffles with two fried chicken breasts, smothered in Southern style white gravy, made with our own bangers. Served with REAL New England Maple syrup and pickled vegetables.

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The Improper Bostonian Has Some Funk In Store For You In Dennis Port

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There are a few shows coming up in Dennis Port at the Improper Bostonian that will leave you dripping the funk for weeks. This Saturday August 9th, they’ve got After Funk lined up. I don’t like to start rumors, but I’ve heard that After Funk are so funky that people have actually been known to OD on the funk at their shows. Here’s a little teaser from their site:

After Funk has quickly grown into a powerful eight member modern jam-orchestra that will shake your heart in your chest and your butt on the dance floor.

Taking its cues from old school funk acts like Stevie Wonder and James Brown, modern jam bands like Lettuce and the String Cheese Incident, even hints of the romantic classical music of Tchaikovsky and gospel music of Tye Tribbit, After Funk has found itself an ever growing audience of people searching for a heavy groove that expands their mind and fills their soul.

It’s going to take you weeks to get the funk out after the After Funk, but right when you do the Improper is going to hit you right back upside the head with Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band on August 31st.

What better way to end your summer than with some down home, finger lickin’, straight nasty funk? Just a little hint: I’d get your tickets in advance for that one, it’s going to be a barn burner.

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Cape Cod Craigslist Ad Of The Day – Beauty Seeks Cash Allowance

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CL – Beauty seeks cash allowance

Girl seeks minimum $800 a day allowance from one kind gentleman. I am strapped for cash and can offer lots of different things. Fun, outings, massage, smiles, positivity, etc. let me know if this can work for you and if you’re looking to spend time with a beautiful 21 year old girl. Please only men over 45 and have a great job. I’m not looking for another job. I am a waitress/bartender and will be starting school in the sept 4th. I have bills that are past due and not enough to cover them. Send phone number and photo 🙂 I’ll call you today to talk about what you can offer and what you’d like.
Your comments and replies are not needed unless they are to help me thank you I’m nervous enough as it is and hopeful to find one gentleman

Well, here is reason 367 that if I ever have a daughter she is going into the river in a burlap sack. I just can’t do it knowing this type of thing exists. I mean, if you are a father and you somehow find out your daughter is placing ads like this then you have no choice but to kill yourself right?

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about how delusional this girl is. Honey, first of all, let’s cut the shit with the innuendo and call a spade a spade. The title of this ad should not be “Beauty Seeks Cash Allowance”, it should be “Prostitute Seeks New Customers”. More importantly than that, $800 a day? Who are you Gisele Bundchen? That’s over $200,000 a year. I hope whoever posted this ad reads this, because you need a reality check on how the world works honey.

Here is a harsh reality for you. Guys on Cape Cod that are rich enough to afford $200k whores, don’t need prostitutes, they are rich enough that there are regular chicks lined up to sleep with them. That’s how being rich works. Good luck with your ad on the Cape Cod Craigslist looking to become the highest paid whore in the country though, I think I’ll go post one looking for an 8 year $180 million dollar contract from The Red Sox. That’s how Big Papi did it right?

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The Latest Civil Rights Movement – #CapeGirlsUnite

I had a revelation last night. One that was kind of sad, but totally eye opening. And naturally I’ve decided to tie it to civil rights.

I recently had a gentleman go to an awful lot of trouble to figure out my name, how to contact me and what I liked to do for fun in order to plan and ask me out on a date. As a direct result, I assumed he was a complete and total psycho and began calling any and all mutual friends we had on Facebook to ask about his most recent kills and how quickly one could get a restraining order.

Then I took a step back. Why was I weirded out by someone who went above and beyond to find me then chivalrously ask to take me out? I mean, isn’t this what girls are constantly saying they need and want out of a male suitor? He made a solid effort, picked up the phone and requested my company like a freaking man.

I immediately realized what my problem was. I automatically assumed there was some sort of ulterior motive and that his efforts were nothing but empty words and dead end plans. Why? Because that’s what we’re used to. But not because Cape Guys are dickhead’s, but because we LET them treat us like that, and almost prefer it. It’s a daily toss up of whether or not you want to murder him in his sleep or have his babies.

My favorite character on Game of Thrones is John Snow. Someone asked me why. Outside of the fact that he dated a ginger, my natural response was, “well because he’s good looking, doesn’t give a fuck about anything and has anger management issues/no future. Soo basically he’s my type.” It’s like I would rather lose sleep and waste tears on the guy that doesn’t give a shit, because on the small chance that he does or says something nice, it’s THAT much more gratifying and meaningful. The moment you break through the barrier that is his asshole nature, you’ve never felt more special or loved. Wait, what?

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It’s almost like we choose to be treated badly. Oh, you have a job, own a home and want to take me out to dinner? Sorry, I only date poor people with no ambition. If you tell me I’m beautiful and smart, and how lucky you are to date me, I’m going to go throw up in a corner and tell all my friends you murder people in your basement and then wear their skin like a suit.

It’s OUR fault that we end up alone or in 5-year long dead end relationships. Let’s cut the shit! Say ‘yes’ to the guy that maybe makes you a bit uncomfortable at first and say NO to the guy who you’ve been “talking to” for months yet “doesn’t want a relationship”. That’s Cape Guy code for “You’re cool, but I want to fuck other bitches.” Let’s stand up for our right to be treated like queens. We’re done, ladies. #CapeGirlsUnite

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