CapeCodOnline.com – A 27-year-old Fitchburg man is accused of faking his way into a hotel room and ordering two helpings of breakfast from room service before allegedly stealing a 40-inch flat-screen TV, court records show.

Jose Mulero pleaded not guilty in Falmouth District Court on Tuesday to charges of breaking into and entering a building during the daytime, larceny of more than $250, malicious destruction of property under $250 and defrauding an innkeeper over $100. He was released on $100 cash bail and ordered to stay away from the Holiday Inn in Falmouth.

Mulero and an unidentified woman allegedly went to the hotel clerk on the morning of July 16 and asked for a new key to Room 228, records show. The couple then ordered breakfast including bagels, orange juice and bacon from room service, records show. A short time later, a second order was placed for another breakfast item, records show.

The breakfasts, totaling $37.76, were charged to the room and included a total of $30 in tips, according to receipts included with court records. No credit card was attached to the room, records show.

A manager investigating the lack of a credit card knocked on the door and, upon entering the room, discovered the TV missing and the window open.

We have a staunch history here at The Real Cape of calling out dumb Cape criminals, but I have to say this one has me on the fence. You kind of can’t knock the hustle here. First Bonnie and Clyde pull a straight Jedi mind trick on the person at the front desk and get them to just hand over the key to a room that is not booked. Next, they not only order breakfast, but they have seconds? Oh and throw in a 79% tip on a non existent credit card and we’ve got some pretty boss moves going on.

To top the morning off, they somehow get a 40″ hotel TV off of the night stand it’s bolted to and slip out the window leaving the clerk to find nothing but a cool Cape Cod breeze. The only way this could have been any better is if they had signed the bill “Keyser Söze“.

So after further review I have to be honest and say that while I don’t like them, I kinda respect these two for pulling this off. Rookie move on their part to leave fingerprints, but other than that it’s pretty much a perfect crime. At the very least the court should drop the “defrauding an innkeeper over $100” charge against them right? Is that even a real charge? If we are making up fake shit then the inn keeper should be booked on three counts of being a straight sucka.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Cape Codder Gabbe Rowland may be the strongest person I’ve ever heard of. What happened to her is absolutely unspeakable. Most people would run from their past after going through what she went through but she is facing it head on. Even speaking out about it. Why? Because she wants to help other abused women.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

Why are we telling you this? Because she needs your help. She isn’t asking for anything for herself, although I personally think she deserves to. She is only asking for $500 to go to California for a seminar to learn how to help other women. In a world where everyone has a Go Fund Me page for something, this is one that should surpass its goal by 100 fold. Maybe Cape Cod will step up and give her a little surprise by surpassing her goal. Here is an excerpt from Gabbe’s Go Fund Me page…

I am a survivor of domestic violence.  I fell victim to my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years. I was beat with a belt, injected with herion,  belittled, raped, repeatedly hit across the face,  forced to perform inhumane acts on my abuser’s dog, and threatened with death.

I am planning a trip across the country to attend a women’s retreat hoested by Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence. There I can connect with other survivors and learn coping mechanisms to co tinue living a healthy and productive life after the abuse I endured.

All funds will help me travel and continue my advocacy work while in California with fellow survivors.

I have been doing my very best to turn a negative experience into a positive life change. I believe this retreat will continue to help me heal and grown as a survivor.

All she is asking is $500 to help others? Let’s go Cape Cod. Let’s get her to this goal within a few hours and even if the goal is reached please donate anyway. This is one time where the recipient deserves absolutely to beat their goal, no matter the number. CLICK HERE TO DONATE And please, share this post, she deserves this.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

OK folks, the illustrious Fox Hole is absolutely smoking the #1 seed and runaway favorite Hyannis Quarterdeck in matchup #1.

Matchup #2 may be the most heated battle of the entire tournament. With over 5,000 votes cast already, the 19th Hole and Grumpy’s are going blow for blow with lead changes every few hours. This is certainly one to keep an eye on.

We will keep voting open until tomorrow at 5 p.m. so be sure to vote and share and help us crown the Kind of Cape Cod Dives!

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeNews.net – Geoff Spillane – A popular beach on north side of Mashpee Pond will be off-limits this summer for motorboats, overnight stays, and open fires.

Boat Landing Beach, located on property owned and managed by The Trustees of Reservations, will be designated as a swim-only area by Memorial Day. A designated swim area requires that motorboats stay out of the marked area, and that they must travel no faster than six miles per hour within 300 feet of the swimming zone.

The announcement was made by Andrew R. Gottlieb, chairman of the Mashpee and Wakeby Lakes Management Committee, at its meeting last Thursday evening, April 24.

“We were experiencing an influx of people who would take boats out late in the day, after the attendants had stopped collecting fees at the state boat ramp. They would shuttle people to the beach for parties, cookouts, and overnight use of the beach, which is prohibited,” Mr. Gottlieb said.

Parties? Cookouts? Overnight Use? What the hell did these people think they were doing? You can’t have that type of fun on Cape Cod! To add insult to injury these heathens were heading out late in the day after the attendants were gone to inadvertently avoid paying fees. There is no chance that they have, you know, jobs that might keep them from departing at such hours, so they must be criminals.

You remember The Real Cape Fun Police Test right? If it is totally fucking awesome they WILL put a stop to it. Well, parties, cookouts and sleepovers on a beach with your boat in a nice calm pond sound pretty fucking awesome right? I’m telling you the test works every time. Shut it down Wakeby, the last thing you want to be is totally fucking awesome.

Hey Mr. Gottlieb, instead of banning motorboats entirely and ruining your business, why don’t you charge MORE for them to be able to stay overnight and hire a ranger like all of the other camping places on Cape Cod? Is your love of money trumped by your hatred for fun?

P.S. It should be said that quite a few of our fun police stories seem to come from Geoff Spillane. Remember, without real reporters we wouldn’t know what to bitch about, so thanks Geoff.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com — Barnstable police are investigating a gun found “in the middle of the road” near Barnstable Road and Dynaflow Drive, Sgt. Sean Sweeney said on Monday.

Sweeney said a Davis Towing employee found the gun around 10:15 a.m. Monday near a Land Rover dealership. Sweeney said police are not releasing information at this point on the caliber of the gun or whether it was loaded, but he did say the weapon was well cared for and in good condition.

Good lord, I knew things were rough out there in the big city but this is a little over the top. There are guns just laying around in the streets of Hyannis now? Thank god I live in the suburbs. Sure we may have to drive a little further to shop, but at least we aren’t tripping over shotguns on the way through the parking lot. Grow up Hyannis.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

This baby mini horse is the shit. The whole time I was watching this I was thinking to myself how I feel a real kinship with him for some reason, then the video guy asks the lady a question at the end and she hits us with this quote for the ages…

“There’s like a… cockiness”?

“Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He’s already acting like a little stud colt, and he’s only two weeks old”.

Exact same thing my mother said two weeks after I was born.

P.S. This horse walks the exact same way as Taylor Swift, they have identical gaits.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – The 3rd Annual Northeast Santa Cape Cod Celebration will be held on Saturday, May 3rd. More than 60 Santa Clauses dressed in full regalia will be coming to various locations on Route 28 in So. Yarmouth, bringing with them their entourage of Mrs. Clauses, elves and helpers, and the magical spirit of Christmas!

This is a FREE family fun eventful day that the Santa’s will participate in and includes FREE bowling for everyone at Ryan Family Amusements from 10am-11:30am and a gift-filled stocking for the first 100 kids. Be sure to bring your cell phone or camera as there will be plenty of photo ops with the Santa’s!

Look I realize this is for a good cause, but do you have to raise money for children by simultaneously confusing the shit out of them? How do you explain this to a kid? Santa’s in full regalia in May? I mean come on it’s like 60 degrees out Santa, lose the jacket and the boots bro.

Kids are dumb but they aren’t that dumb. I think you’ll have a hard time convincing them that Santa and the Mrs. are coming down to the Cape with the Elves for the weekend for a little R and R. He’s not from Connecticut, he’s from the North Pole, why wouldn’t he just save some time and money and vacation on the coast of Maine? Explain that one parents.

P.S. I wonder if Mrs. Claus is in full regalia as well or if she’s going spring casual. I wouldn’t mind seeing what she’s working with after all these years.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony