They say this guy was backing up to leave a parking spot after being inside the restaurant. So the real question here is what kind of a lunatic goes INTO McDonald’s to eat these days? There are two acceptable times to actually set foot in a McD’s. One is if you’re on a road trip and you need to stretch your legs and use the bathroom, the other is if you have little kids and there is a playground on site. This dude is 76 and lives a few towns away so we can eliminate those two scenarios with a good amount of confidence.

Maybe we should remove the reverse gear from people’s cars when they turn 70. All these oldies crashing into buildings are always either in reverse, or they thought they were in reverse but jumped forward. Let’s just remove one of the directions their cars can travel in and we will probably save a few million a year in property damage. Sorry Grandpa, no parking if it doesn’t have a loop driveway.

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CapeCodOnline.com – Police are searching for a person who stabbed a cab driver with a screwdriver and stole his bag at Cromwell Court this morning.

A Town Taxi driver picked up a male party and was told to drive to the apartment complex on Barnstable Road, Barnstable Police Officer Christopher Kelsey said.

“When he pulled in, the male party started stabbing the driver from the back seat with what he believes to be a screwdriver,” Kelsey said.

The armed robbery was reported shortly before 10:40 a.m., Kelsey said.

The passenger than took the driver’s backpack and ran around one of the buildings, Kelsey said.

The driver suffered only superficial cuts and was not seriously injured, Kelsey said, adding that he was checked out by rescue personnel but was not taken to the hospital.

This is so embarrassing. I am absolutely sick and tired of these lunatics giving Cape Cod a bad name. I mean seriously, come on… a screwdriver. Have our once illustrious criminals fallen on such hard times that they can’t even afford knives? Has the crazy Cape criminal game sunk to such a low that they can’t even stab a cab driver right?

Let’s go crazy Cape criminals, you’re better than this. This is Cape Cod for god’s sake, stabbing a cab driver with a screwdriver is poor people shit. Remember the glory days of the Cape, when our cab driver stabbers brandished the finest switch blades available? Is there a more definite sign that Cape Cod has lost its luster than when our own criminals are resorting to stabbing people with a phillips head? It’s a crying shame what’s happened to this peninsula.

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CapeCodOnline.com – Many birds fly south for the winter — but in a plane?

That’s the first-class treatment received by a male osprey that had been rehabbing at the Cape Wildlife Center in Barnstable Village. The bird had fractured a wing when a summer storm blew down its nest.

Although the osprey is just about ready for release, it still needs a little time for some feathers to grow in, said Brittany Griffin Morse, wildlife rehabilitator at the center, which is operated by The Fund for Animals and the Humane Society of the United States.

By the time the raptor would be ready to return to the wild, it would likely be challengingly chilly on Cape Cod, so Morse started searching for ways to get the bird to the South Florida Wildlife Center in Fort Lauderdale.

A Cape Wildlife volunteer connected Morse with New Hampshire pilot Drew Gillett and his wife, Barbara, who were headed down to the Fort Lauderdale area for a little rest and relaxation. The Gilletts had room in their plane and agreed to make a pit stop in Hyannis on their way to the Sunshine State.

On Monday morning at Barnstable Municipal Airport, Morse handed Drew Gillett a crate containing the osprey and he stowed it aboard his plane.

“I’m hopeful that he will just relax and enjoy the flight,” Gillett said.

If all goes well, Morse expects the bird to be released in Florida within a couple of months. And when the time is right, the osprey should return to our shores.

“He’s a Cape Cod bird,” Morse said. “He would head back up this way next year.”

Hey I have an idea. Maybe the Gilletts have room for a few more? I’m sure there’s a couple of homeless dudes in Hyannis with injured wings that would jump at the chance to get to Florida for the winter. If all goes well, and when the time is right, maybe they will return to our shores.

“He’s a Cape Cod homeless guy, he would head back up this way next year.”

P.S. Relax, I’m totally kidding, we all know that we don’t go nearly as far out of our way for homeless people as we do for birds on Cape Cod these days.

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CCT – As of January 1, 2015, there will be no more lighting up at Cape Cod or Falmouth Hospital or any of Cape Cod Healthcare’s (CCHC) other facilities. In a statement Tuesday, CCHC announced that all facilities on Cape Cod will be tobacco free come the first of the year.

CCHC President & CEO Michael Lauf called the reason for the new policy simple. “We are a healthcare system and our mission is to treat and heal illness and disease, which means we must not only provide the best care possible, but we must also lead by example,” Lauf said.

Ok, once again I’ll have to be the voice of reason around here. I understand this ban, as a matter of fact I would have assumed it was put into effect a long time ago. Here’s the problem though…

What about the time honored tradition of a guy having a cigar with his buddies after having a baby? What will become of the ceremony of triumph in which a man celebrates his ability to stand around and do nothing while his wife labors for hours to bring the miracle of a new life into the world?

We might need to start a petition to get a designated new father cigar area built somewhere on hospital grounds. I don’t think Cape Cod Healthcare understands the importance of the very first time a man disappears with his buddies leaving his wife with the kid to do all the work.

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The Beach House is getting in the Halloween Spirit. Bring your kiddos in their costumes and they get a free kids meal… Wait WHAT!?!?!?

Yep… The Beach House will feed your kids for free and all you need to do is throw a sheet over them with 2 eyes and a mouth cut out. BOOM… Free kids meal!!! Send the kids to the Game Room and get a little quiet time with your cocktail. When it’s time to send the kids home stick around for The 4th Annual Boombasnap Halloween Bash. The boys have a special Grateful Dead set planned.

There’s even cash prizes for Best Costume and Sexxiest Costume! I’ll be there giving away tickets to our Wailers 30th Anniversary of The Legend Album Show 12/4 at Pufferbellies at Set Break. As it’s been said before there Ain’t No Party Like A Beach House Party! Come see for yourself.

Saturday Syndicate is back to melt faces and Sunday they’re throwing a tailgate party that is always a good time. DJ Alvzie will be there spinning tunes and doing trivia between commercials and giving prizes away. 25 cent wings and a pizza buffet at halftime. If you haven’t had Beach House pizza you haven’t lived. See you this weekend!

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HyannisNews.com – A 2-year-old baby miraculously was not in bed when a car suddenly crashed through the bedroom wall.

A friend of the family was next door, heard the crash and immediately went running to help because, as she told Hyannis News, the baby’s bed was located right up against the wall that had just been struck by a speeding motor vehicle.

Another witness felt fortunate to be unharmed and in one piece after he saw the vehicle go airborne right in front of him. He said he luckily had been driving slow enough to avoid a serious collision.

At about 12:28 am, Yarmouth Rescue and Police rushed to 314 Winslow Gray Road after a single car crashed into the side of the home.

The baby’s bedroom wall was caved in and the home appeared to have structural damage. So much so, the Yarmouth building inspector was summoned to take a careful look at the scene.

The Nissan Versa had heavy front end damage. Airbags had deployed. Its rear bumper was located about 100 feet away on the ground next to damaged traffic island shrubbery. Police were still uncertain as to why the baby was not in her bed this particular evening

That’s it, if I have kids I’m raising them in seclusion in a giant steel cage. Like there’s not enough crap to worry about when you’re bringing a kid into the world these days, now we have to add Nissan Versas crashing through their bedroom walls in the middle of the night to the list?

Good thing that baby went out to smoke a butt right when this happened or this could have been much worse.

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CCCC – Ever wanted to be in a Disney movie? You may have the opportunity when the Disney-produced film “The Finest Hours” films scenes here in December.

There will be an open casting call for extras from Chatham and the Cape for the feature film on Saturday, Nov. 1, from 1 to 3 p.m. at the Monomoy Middle School gymnasium at 425 Crowell Rd. According to the announcement by Boston Casting, those attending the casting call should bring a headshot or photo of themselvesas well as a resume. Be prepared to fill out an information sheet upon arrival.

The casting agency is looking for extras who are available Dec. 5 through 13, who can work 12-plus hours day and/or nights in Chatham. Based on information provided to the board of selectmen by the production company a few weeks ago, scenes will be filmed here at Stage Harbor, the lighthouse and Coast Guard Station, and downtown near Sears Park.

Bust out the headshot and dust off the resume! You heard it here, so if any of you land a role just promise us that you’ll send us the hot phone pics of Casey Affleck picking his nose, we are opening up a Real Cape TMZ division soon.

Hey if nothing else, it is an $85M production so there’s bound to be donuts.

P.S. How many of you have a headshot and a resume handy? 8, 9 maybe?

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