Hyannisnews.com – According to sources, the wrong things were said, insults were made, and “fists started flying…” Just after 1:30 pm, police responded to Spring Street for some type of disturbance in the street. A woman who had been celebrating a wedding was down and needed medical attention. Hyannis Rescue was called…

A local homeless couple were married at Barnstable Town Hall earlier this morning. At about 9am, a wedding party took place after the official ceremony in the area of the village green. Other downtown homeless were invited and libations were served.

Police eventually kicked about ten party goers off the village green. The celebration then slowly made it’s way across town where it ended on Spring Street after police received a call about a woman yelling…

That’s when the humble festivities turned violent. A woman was down and others were fighting. Initial officers on scene called for backup as the situation escalated and random fights continued to break out…

The stricken female rallied and managed to get up and rejoin the brawl. She was arrested for Disorderly Conduct and is also being held in protective custody.

A male party-goer was also arrested and charged with Disorderly Conduct. He also had been drinking all day and will be held in protective custody until he’s sobers up.

I have to admit I kind of feel bad for the homeless people on this one. This sounds like every wedding I’ve been to on Cape Cod. The only difference is we were on private property and not a village green. I guess it’s only OK to have a bunch of people get shitfaced and enjoy a couple of bridesmaid brawls if you paid $85 a head and rented a tent?

Can you imagine how much fun the bride and groom had registering for gifts though? Walking around the liquor store with the price gun shooting the UPC’s on cartons of Newports and bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 like they were playing duck hunt.

One person I definitely feel bad for though is the homeless gal who caught the bouquet. Poor thing probably had some toothless crackhead push a garter so far up her leg she had to charge him for a full hour.

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ORLEANS – Investigators from the Orleans Police Department have completed their investigation into the motor vehicle crash that occurred on February 15, 2014, at the Orleans Rotary. The initial focus of the investigation was to identify and locate an unknown motor vehicle and operator that was involved in the crash that may have fled the scene. Investigators were able to identify the motor vehicle in question as a 2012 Honda Ridgeline, operated by Colby Frodel of Eastham.

Ultimately, after a thorough investigation, investigators concluded that criminal charges in this matter are not appropriate. The investigation disclosed that Mr. Frodel did not flee the scene. It was determined that Mr. Frodel and a passenger in his vehicle stopped after the collision, spoke with the other motor vehicle operator, and attempted to exchange driver information.

What’s so interesting about this story you ask? Well the guy who told everyone he was the victim of this hit and run has a Go Fund Me page that has raised over $13K on the premise that he was, in fact, the victim of a hit and run. I’m not going to speculate on anything here, I’m just pointing out that the police investigation findings and this guys story do not match.

I’m going to leave the actual reporting up to a writer who, you know, puts pants on for work. I’m just a blogger who happens to read every single thing to do with Cape Cod online everyday and made a simple connection, but if I were a real reporter? I might look into this situation a little further is all I’m saying.

P.S. Cape Cod Times, Enterprise etc. hint, hint, wink, wink.

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It’s still very early but after day one of the tournament we’ve got Katie Meyer in 1st place with 15 points. Daniel Byrnes, Arthur Bonzarelli and Insane Tony are hot on her heels just one point behind and there are a bunch of people at 13.

The prizes are going to be as follows:

1. $200
2. $40
3. Entry fee refund

If anyone is having any trouble accessing their bracket page send us an email to info@therealcape.com and we’ll get you sorted out. The brackets are automatically updated every hour so if you don’t see your points in real time give it a little time to catch up. Also we’ve moved the login box to the bottom of the right sidebar now that we’ve started the tourney.

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OK folks the time is almost upon us for what is sure to be the event of the winter. We’ve got 30 kinds of Kale Soup from across The Cape to be judged by you the people, live music from Daniel Byrnes and John Beninghof, raffles, prizes and other surprises lined up for you to revel in. The Real Cape Kale Soup Cook Off is going down at The Beach House in North Falmouth on Sunday March 23rd and it all benefits the Teaticket Elementary PTO.

The first wave of tickets sold out quick and there are a limited number of these tickets available as well. These advance tickets will sell out too. There will be some tickets at the door but you will have to wait in line, so if you plan on coming make sure to get tix in advance to guarantee that you will get right into the event without a wait. (Kids under 12 are free)

Believe us when we tell you that you are going to want to witness this landmark event and help us crown the Cape Cod King or Queen of Kale! Tickets can be purchased with the form below:

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Barnstable County Sheriff James Cumming‘s this week came out in support of the state Department of Corrections (DOC) by filing an Amicus Brief in the case of Michelle Kosilek.  Kosilek, 64, who was born Robert Kosilek has requested a sex change operation which would be funded by the taxpayers of the commonwealth.

Kosilek is currently serving a life sentence at MCI Norfolk for the 1990 murder of his wife Cheryl McCaul.  Repeatedly through his incarceration, Kosilek has sued the DOC to allow taxpayer-funded gender reassignment surgery.

First things first, good job here by Sheriff Cummings. Taxpayers paying for prisoners sex changes is pretty much the absolute pinnacle of what is wrong with our society. I literally can’t even go into the reasons why, it’s just too exhausting to think we live in a world where this is even a viable question. This dude killed someone and now he wants us to pay for his tits? Seems legit.

What I am wondering though is if you get a sex change while in prison, do you switch to a female prison afterwards or do you stay in guy prison? I would imagine you go to girl prison right? You can’t have a person with lady parts prancing around a guy jail can you?

If my hunch is correct then this is the ultimate hustle in the history of hustles. You go from being some big dudes bitch in MCI to being the alpha female at Pillow Fight Correctional Facility? Yes please. It’s a wonder every guy with a life sentence isn’t trying to pull this move. It’s the prison equivalent of pretending you’re gay to become the guy who changes supermodels bras during fashion shows.

As much as I hate this Kosilek guy/girl, you have to respect the hustle. Just an absolute genius move here, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

P.S. Don’t you dare comment about the attractiveness of female prisoners and ruin my fantasy.

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CapeCodOnline.com – The Colonial-era “yea” or “nay” of town meetings could be replaced by the click of a keypad if Eastham voters decide to adopt electronic voting at future town meetings.

Eastham is the first town on the Cape to form a committee to consider using devices that resemble TV remotes to record votes in seconds. These do away with hand counting, secret ballots and voice votes that date back to the Pilgrims.

Option Technologies, which rents out the equipment to many Massachusetts towns, charges from $10,000 for a small meeting to $50,000 for a town meeting with 2,000 voters, said Mark Fite, company president.

It doesn’t make sense to buy the equipment because renting comes with the technical experts who set up, maintain and take down the equipment, said Eastham Selectman Aimee Eckman, who is on the study committee.

Also, the technology could change quickly, she added.

How is it that not one town on Cape Cod has these devices yet? We are walking around with computers in our pockets but we still have to yell “yea” or “nay” at town meetings like we just walked off the Mayflower?

Oh and $50,000 to rent some T.V. remotes seems reasonable huh? It doesn’t make sense to buy them because the technology changes too fast? Are you shitting me? There are two buttons on the things, TWO! We have had this technology for like 50 years and it’s exactly the same. I repeat, they are T.V. remotes with TWO buttons.

I have an app on my phone that will tell me where the nearest liquor store is to my exact current location, guess what, it was FREE. Yet Eastham is going to rent some two button remotes for $50K? Gee I wonder why our governments are all in debt?

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CapeCodOnline.com – ORLEANS — What started as a drunk-driving arrest Wednesday morning turned into an attack after the driver and his passenger allegedly resisted arrest and then “contaminated” police cruisers with bodily fluids, police say.

Around 1 a.m., Orleans police Sgt. William Norton and Officer Thomas Carey stopped Eric Zavalcofsky, 21, of Brewster and suspected he was driving under the influence of alcohol, according to an Orleans Police Department press release.

While being arrested, Zavalcofsky allegedly resisted, according to the statement.

Zavalcofsky’s passenger, 22-year-old Cody Kavanagh of Eastham, allegedly got out of the car and “charged at” Norton and Carey, according to the statement.

After gaining control of the two suspects, Norton and Carey placed them in separate police cruisers, according to the statement.

While en route to the police station, both suspects allegedly contaminated the police cruisers with “bodily fluids,” according to the statement.

Police declined to specify the fluids.

Oh come on Orleans PD you can’t just leave us hanging like this! I’m dying to know what the bodily fluids were. I NEED to know what the bodily fluids were. Don’t the police work for us? Aren’t they bound by one of the commandments of the constitution to tell us these things? Thou shalt make bodily fluids public knowledge or something like that?

As much as I have a burning desire to know if these dudes just pissed themselves or if they took a dump in these cop cars that’s not even the question eating at me the most. What I really need to know is if this was a premeditated conspiracy or not. I mean did these guys plan this somehow during the arrest or send each other some kind of hand signals or something?

If these two had absolutely no knowledge of the others intentions and decided, completely independent of one another, to defecate in the back of separate cruisers completely of their own accord… at the same time? Then I 100% believe in ESP from now on. Whatever that force is that makes one twin feel it when the other gets hurt? That instinct when a mother knows when something has happened to her child? Yeah that shit is real, and these two have it in spades.

All I know is everyone better think twice before they ever mess with two wizards, one second you’ll be face to face with them and the next thing you know you’re lying on the ground with two dumps on your chest. Dudes don’t even have to talk to each other they’ll just instinctively pull a double Cleveland Steamer on you all ninja style.

I don’t know about you but I’m staying the hell out of Orleans, there’s some black magic going on up there.

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