CapeCodToday.com – On this day in 1923, two burglars suspected of robbing a general store in Harwich fled the Cape by train from Buzzards Bay after colliding with a truck outside Sandwich.

The unidentified thieves “lost their loot” in the collision, according to the Associated Press, “abandoned their automobile, walked and ran seven miles to the Buzzards Bay railroad station, boarded a train for Boston, parried the questions of a policeman at Brockton and then jumped from the train at Montello and Avon.”

But in their haste to flee, the two men left behind their “booty,” which included “jewelry of moderate value and a miscellaneous collection of the more expensive things kept in a general store,” the AP reported.

After the suspected thieves boarded a train in Buzzards Bay, police sent word ahead to Middleboro and Brockton. A policeman boarded the train in Brockton and questioned the men, “whom he recognized by the muddy condition of their clothing,” according to the AP.

This is for all the people who email us every time we run a story about how dumb Cape Cod criminals are to tell us how it’s wrong to make fun of them and how there is an epidemic etc. etc.

This crap has been going on forever, these dumb asses robbed a store in 1923, crashed their truck and tried to get away on a train? Do you know how much of an idiot you have to be to think you can escape on a train? The one advantage you have that actually matters in a getaway is that the people chasing you don’t know where you are going. Getting on a train removes every single shred of mystery from that equation. There is literally only one place you can go… the next stop.

The point here is that this story could just as easily be about yesterday instead of 1923. It’s funny because it’s old, but if it happened yesterday I’d get 327 emails about how these are good kids and they are just in a bad place. Yeah well, good or no they still did something stupid and it’s funny. If we stop making fun of people when they do stupid things then people will keep doing stupid things. Also, life doesn’t cease to be funny in serious times any less than it ceases to be serious during times of laughter.

P.S. I bet I still get at least one email from one of these guys great-great-grandkids calling me an asshole for slandering them.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Come kick off the start of The Brazen Belles monthly residency this Thursday night at the Beach House in North Falmouth! It will be a one act, 75 minutes of seduction, wit, comedy and of course a whole lotta Sass!

Click Here for our full review of the Belles.

Tickets sold at Eight Cousins Book Store in Falmouth and online by CLICKING HERE.

Special music from the talented Daniel Byrnes Band to follow the show!

(Gotta have the obligatory Ham Sandwich pic)

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – A Brewster man has been ordered to stay away from Taylor Swift’s vacation home on the Rhode Island shore.

The Westerly Sun reports that 38-year-old Daniel Cole was summoned before a state judge on Friday. Police say he ignored previous warnings not to trespass at Swift’s mansion in the Watch Hill section of Westerly.

Cole pleaded not guilty to trespassing and disorderly conduct charges. A Wakefield District Court judge issued a no-contact order and released Cole on his own recognizance.

Westerly police say Cole blocked the driveway to Swift’s home with his pickup truck Dec. 9 and was escorted off the property. Police say he returned Dec. 21 and struggled with police while refusing to leave. Cole did not respond to a message seeking comment Monday.

Taylor Swift? Why would a 38 year old guy be stalking that baby giraffe? When she walks her knees probably sound like castanets clacking together, and what’s with that bathing suit? She looks like she’s wearing her grandmother’s two piece in that photo for god’s sake.

If you’re going to stalk a celebrity why would you pick a prude that gets dumped by a new guy every 5 seconds? Go for some hot, scandalous action like Rihanna or something bro. While T Swift is singing about all the guys that ditched her, Ri Ri has Drake and Chris Brown throwing bottles of Cristal across the club at each other over her. You know that’s some prime action if dude’s are trashing the VIP room.

This guy is giving Cape Cod a bad name on a national stage. I mean come on guy, step up your stalking game will ya? It’s a good thing Brewster is a close second to Harwich in the race for the crown of Cape towns that nobody can find on a map anyway.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CL – Hi guys, it is Tuesday, and I am raging horny. I have a terrible hunger for some male bonding. If you have an incredible hunger as well, I am your man. I am looking for an amazingly hot straight guy to satisfy my huge appetite. I will satisfy you big time, I promise. All I am really asking is that you be incredibly good looking, straight, disease free, and be between the age of 23 to 42. I am a nice looking Hyannis guy, but I expect you to be SMOKING HOT. And not only can I suck you off, but, have you ever had your feet sucked? I am really good at that and will suck everyone of your toes. I can host and travel and this posting is good from the early morning hours of Tuesday, throughout the rest of the day. Who is going to satisfy my appetite? Who is going to take their socks off?

I get sent a few ads just like this a week and I never bother with them because I am not homophobic at all. I love the gays, I even went on a date with a gay guy once (by accident) when I lived in San Francisco. That’s an entirely different post for another time though.

With that said, and with my staunch record of pro gayness in mind, I just have to point something out. What planet are these guys from where they think they are straight, but for some strange reason they just feel like having a little dick because it happens to be Tuesday? Oh and yeah, I’m looking for another smoking hot guy who is straight, but just feels like getting head from a dude, you know, ’cause it’s Tuesday… wait, what?

Is there some kind of charade that the gays don’t tell us about? When they say straight in this situation do they just mean closeted, but queer as a 43 dollar bill, or are there actually men out there who blow other guys just on Tuesdays and think that they are straight Wednesday to Monday? Is it possible to only be gay one day a week? Was Andrew “Dice” Clay wrong?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Thank you to all the people that came out to The Beach House for the Kale Soup Cook Off yesterday. It was an absolute blast with a great crowd of great people.

Without further ado here are the winners:

Pros

• 1st Place – The Compound Bar and Grille
• 2nd Place – Papa Jakes

Amateurs

• 1st Place – Ma’s Cape Cod Kale Soup
• 2nd Place – Grandma Grassies

Special thanks to…
Teaticket market
Kaleidoscope Toys
Eight Cousins
Kappys
Board stiff
SportClips
Ben and Bills
The Brazen Belles
Insane Tony
Glitter Ginger
John Beninghof
Daniel Byrnes
Teaticket PTA
Chris McGilvray from Magic Wing Sound
Katie Meyer
Gina Palanza
Pat Bonzagni and the entire Beach House Staff

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

OK folks the time is almost upon us for what is sure to be the event of the winter. We’ve got 30 kinds of Kale Soup from across The Cape to be judged by you the people, live music from Daniel Byrnes and John Beninghof with blues phenom Aaron Norcross to follow, raffles, prizes and other surprises lined up for you to revel in. The Real Cape Kale Soup Cook Off is going down at The Beach House in North Falmouth tomorrow at 12 noon and it all benefits the Teaticket Elementary PTO.

We highly recommend getting your tickets online now. There will be some tickets at the door but you will have to wait in line, so if you plan on coming make sure to get tix in advance to guarantee that you will get right into the event without a wait. (Kids under 12 are free)

Special thanks to…
Teaticket market
Kaleidoscope Toys
Eight Cousins
Kappys
Board stiff
SportClips
Ben and Bills

Believe us when we tell you that you are going to want to witness this landmark event and help us crown the Cape Cod King or Queen of Kale! Tickets can be purchased with the form below:

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodToday.com – Attention all awesome spellers–it’s time to come out of winter hibernation for the 2nd annual Cape Cod Adult Spelling Bee on April 6 from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. at the Cape Codder Resort and Spa in Hyannis. This buzz-worthy event, now in its sophomore year, is not only a good time, but a key fundraiser for Calmer Choice.

Last year the spelling bee was developed as a more cerebral way to raise funds–an indoors alternative to the many running, walking and golfing fundraisers already happening on Cape Cod. See rules and game play here.

Participants need only gather two friends and register the trio for competition on the Calmer Choice website. Clever team names, themes and even outfits are encouraged. Individuals and companies may also opt to be an event or word sponsor.

Oh no they didn’t! I need this championship for The Real Cape. I will spell circles around everyone on this peninsula. Forwards, backwards you name it. Gnilleps motherfucker, ever hear of them? They are when you spell backwards in Cranium, yeah well I’m 437-0 lifetime in gnilleps.

Here’s the problem, this is teams of three. What am I supposed to do bring Insane Tony? Dude spells at a legit 2nd grade level. Bonzai? He went to ZooMass, no chance he is actually educated in anything but beer pong. Ham Sandwich? Ever read his tweets? They are in hieroglyphics for fucks sake. I suppose maybe The Glitter Ginger, but she doesn’t even know the difference between then and than. John may be my huckleberry but I’ve only seen him use a camera and not a keyboard so I can’t be sure.

I may have to run a contest to find the best Real Cape readers for the job. If you think we can take this thing hit me up and let’s talk. No chumps and no half assing. Go big or go home, who’s with me?

P.S. How is Calmer Choice going to handle it when I trash the set in a fit of rage if I get a word wrong?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony