BOSTON — It was April 1956, and the No. 1 song was Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel.” At the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution on Cape Cod, scientist Dean Bumpus was busy releasing glass bottles in a large stretch of the Atlantic Ocean.
Nearly 58 years later, a biologist studying grey seals off Nova Scotia found one of the bottles in a pile of debris on a beach, 300 miles from where it was released.

“It was almost like finding treasure in a way,” Warren Joyce said Friday.

The drift bottle was among thousands dumped in the Atlantic Ocean between 1956 and 1972 as part of Bumpus’ study of surface and bottom currents. About 10 percent of the 300,000 bottles have been found over the years.

This is a cute story right up until you read the part about this scientist throwing 300,000 bottles into the ocean. Dude, that’s not science, that’s fucking LITTERING. Imagine what else scientists were doing in 1956 if they were dumping massive amounts of garbage in the ocean to study tides?

I’ve always wondered how the ocean could be so huge yet still contain so much sea glass. It just never seemed to add up to me. Well here is the answer folks. Most likely that sea glass collection you’ve got going isn’t from random bottles, they’re from an ill advised 50’s era science experiment. You might as well be collecting vials of DDT or making balloon animals with chlorofluorocarbons.

This is quite the reminder of how much the world has changed. If you were caught dumping 300,000 glass bottles into the ocean today you would be put in jail for the rest of your life. They’d probably give you the electric chair if you did it within 200 yards of a Piping Plover School Zone.

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The response to The Real Cape Kale Soup Cook Off has been unreal. At this point we are just about out of spots for amateur entries, there are only a couple left so email us at [email protected] with your contact info if you want to register. All of the spots will be gone within a few hours so don’t hesitate.

Since the response has been so overwhelming we decided to release a limited number of general admission tickets today for $10. We are hoping that people who really want to go will take advantage of this now so we don’t end up turning people away that really want to be there. The Cook Off is March 23rd starting at 12 p.m. There will be live music all day, some really cool raffles, prizes and giveaways, thirty different kinds of Kale Soup to try out and the event will benefit the Teaticket Elementary School PTO.

So for ten bucks you help out a good cause and you get music, tons of Kale Soup, chances at prizes, plus a guaranteed great time with no fun police involved. It doesn’t get any better than that folks. If you are planning on coming get these $10 tickets soon because once this first release is gone the ticket price will go up and we aren’t sure how many more we will be able to sell in advance.

So without further ado here are the pre release $10 Real Cape Kale Soup Cook Off Tickets…

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Startribune.com – The idea seemed ingenious: Delivering 12-packs of beer to the cold, windswept surfaces of popular ice fishing lakes — using a drone.

Lakemaid Beer president Jack Supple brewed up a plan this winter to quench the beer thirst of ice fishers on central Minnesota’s Lake Mille Lacs, with retailers taking orders using GPS coordinates.

He and his colleagues rented a drone, tested the idea on Lake Waconia and then put up a video. Set to cheery music, it featured a six-bladed unmanned craft gliding over fish houses and gently setting a box of Frosty Winter Lager on a snowy lake.

“Our Facebook page went wild because our fans loved the idea,” Supple said. The video went viral.

But before he could launch his lofty new business plan, the government grounded him.

We’ve talked about drones are coming to The Cape on this site and it is well documented that we are against it. Too close to a Terminator movie I said, the machines will turn on us I said… Well I’ll be damned if I didn’t do a complete turnaround on this for a minute there. For a few short moments I saw how these drones could improve the quality of human life ten fold. I saw them as friend not foe. I was ready to welcome the drones to Cape Cod with open arms.

Then of course the Federal Government stepped in and ruined everything. First FEMA jacks up our flood insurance and now the FAA grounds drone beer delivery before it even starts? Does our government have it out for us? What’s next, no dancing?

Do they not realize what beer being delivered by air could do for us as a people? Not having to wait in line with tourists at the Packy. We wouldn’t have to leave our boats to get more beer. Campsites and cookouts that never run out of beer would basically turn Cape Cod into a Utopian society.

Remember my test for whether or not the fun police will come out against something? If it is totally fucking awesome then they will try to stop it. Well drones that deliver beer would be the most totally fucking awesome thing that has ever happened in the entire history of things happening so I guess this was inevitable.

So thanks a lot Uncle Sam, now I’m an average nobody. I get to buy my beer at the store for the rest of my life like a schnook. #capecodproblems

 Thanks to Wayno for the tip

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It was only a matter of time before I had to chime in on the Cape Cod jingle game. Now I know most people associate jingles with radio, but this is my list and I’m also including T.V.  I have had many sleepless nights since deciding to do do this top 5.  So with out further ado here we go.

5. The Pancake Man– This one takes me back to the good ol’ days. I mean this shit makes me want to house a tall stack of chocolate chip pannycakes. I might even need a short stack of blueberry panny’s also after hearing this gem again.

click here for audio

4. Zooquarium– I never made here till last year, and I am not upset at this at all. The jingle was the highlight of this joint. After hearing this jingle for so many years my expectations were pretty high, and they where crushed. So if you never made it you didn’t miss much.

 

3. The Island Queen– This one makes me want a Dirty Banana more than Lorenzo Baker wanted bamboo. I mean they just crush the Steamship Authority in the boat jingle game. I am not even sure if the SSA has had an at bat in the jingle game. Also The SSA doesn’t have “Fundraiser/Sunset Cruises”(a.k.a booze face cruises) so SSA you time to step up and give us a jingle.

 

2. Bobby Byrnes– This one has that old tyme feel. Makes me want to grab a scotch and sit and listen to some guy face on the baby grand. Then add in when bobby actually gets on the mic and tells you whats up at his pubs. Just his voice comforts and draws you in. The topper is the free birthday dinner. Boo-ya!

 

1. Thompsons Clam Bar– Not much to say here, the king of all kings.

 

Editor’s note: I’m not going to bother to critique Tony’s list. What am I supposed to say, that Zooquarium at #4 is insane? Of course it is, he’s Insane Tony.

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Encore! Encore! Hollywood Jerry fucking NAILED it! Best version of Old Cape Cod I’ve ever heard. The voice, the bandana, the toupe, the pageantry. Jerry just putting it all together and ending up with a performance for the ages here folks. People talk about the IT factor, well if Hollywood Jerry doesn’t have IT then I don’t know what IT is.

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CL – Gen for one Day labourer (Falmouth)

Looking for a day worker who Is willing to move & clean along with organize a basement with just work boots on you don’t need to be perfect just kool . Will be very very gen for your time not looking for anything in return. 21+ DDF send a full pic no bs. Full weeks pay for a few hours.

I like how this guy puts DDF (drug and disease free) in the ad. If you find a guy on The Cape in February and he is willing to clean another dudes basement, naked, in work boots, there is a 127% chance that the guy has at least one disease or is on some kind of drug.

I think whoever placed the ad might have to lower his standards a bit. If you want a guy to organize your basement in a pair of Timberland’s and his birthday suit, you have to expect at least crabs in return. That’s just par for the course in the Craigslist naked guy wearing boots cleaning basement game.

P.S. “You don’t need to be perfect”.  Umm… yeah, no shit. I’m pretty sure you aren’t finding a nekkid Brad Pitt on the Cape Cod Craigslist in February.

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Capenews.net – Sandwich town officials are proposing tapping up to $10 million in federal funds to renourish almost one mile of eroded beach along Town Neck.

Town manager George H. Dunham discussed the proposal Monday night with the Sandwich Community Preservation Committee.

$10 Mil to dump some new sand on a mile of beach? Maybe we can get that David Rogers guy to bring his Bobcat to Sandwich once he gets it out of the mud in Chatham. That could be how he pays his debt to society for bulldozing those wetlands. He’s got experience and an obvious penchant for playing Mother Nature.

Outsiders may see this as frivolous but we are in the know. Everything else on Cape Cod is perfect, there is literally nothing more important for us to spend $10 million on than new sand for a beach. I dare anyone to find any program that does anything more important around here that could use $10 mil.

So hate if you want America, but it’s not our fault that our peninsula’s only problem is that one of our beaches needs some more sand. Cape Cod problems may seem petty to you, but they are very real to us.

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