10 Cape Cod Stereotypes That Are Completely Accurate

1. People From The Cape Are Baseball Lovers

The laughably bad movie “Summer Catch” doesn’t do Cape Cod League justice—nor was it shot in a place that looks anything remotely like Cape Cod. For those unfamiliar, the summer collegiate baseball league played entirely on the Cape is a breeding ground for top-level MLB talent, and is the next best thing to actually making out to a Sox game.

Actually, in some ways, the small crowds, close proximity to the players and great scenery make it even better. Running from mid-June and through mid-August, the league is one of those rare events that both true year-round Cape Codders, summer residents and tourists all check out and enjoy together.

There are 9 more of these but I will spare you the rest of the nonsense. When number one on the list is that we are all baseball lovers you can just go ahead and stop your dumb ass list right there. Do I even need to say anything here? The Cape League is awesome, everyone should be a fan, but the reality is that not even 1/100 people from Cape Cod have ever been to a game. The dude that wrote this even completely contradicts himself by saying how small the crowds are at Cape League games.

In case anyone needs more evidence that these lists are complete bullshit written by frauds, let’s do a little research. By research, I mean a 2 second Google search of the name of the author and the website. Guess what comes up? The same guy that wrote this article has also written these hard hitting pieces on locations around the country….

10 Oklahoma City Stereotypes That Are Completely Accurate

10 Amarillo Stereotypes That Are Completely Accurate

49 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Wichita

11 Things Only People From Buffalo Understand

The list of lists that were all written by this one guy goes on and on, but I’m too lazy to link to all of them. The point here is that these articles are what we call click bait. They are written by some guy who has never been here, who compiles them from other peoples’ lists. They are 100% designed to go viral and attract readers by suckering them in with familiarity. Just like how a “psychic” will throw blanket statements at you that relate to everyone in order to make a connection.

In the summer millions of people visit Cape Cod, so these lists pop up everywhere to attract their attention, like “Oh hey, neat I’ve been to Cape Cod, I bet I’ll relate to this list, maybe there’s even an inside joke”! Let’s make one true stereotype about us. Let’s make it 100% true that all people from Cape Cod universally hate lists about Cape Cod written by people that haven’t been here at least twice.

Onthewater.com – F/V Skipjack set out from Falmouth Harbor last weekend to fish Veatch Canyon in a confused forecast. On The Water photographer Matt Rissell, offshore columnist Jon Pilcher, Brian Cota and Jackson Parmenter made up the crew along with Captain Larry Backman.

Hearing of a drifting dead whale, the crew decided to start trolling 5 miles south of its location and to work their way to the whale to see what sort of life it had attracted. With a combined total of nearly 1,000 offshore New England trips among them, the crew had hopes of encountering a shark or two near the carcass.

Trolling north amidst sporadic breaking bluefin, Larry spotted the whale in the distance, ordered lines in and idled the boat up to a very dead and decomposing 35 foot adult right whale. Circling it from 30 feet away, they saw a blue shark underneath it and massive bite marks above the waterline of the whale. As they turned the corner around the head of the whale they noticed a large shark tail move away. Stopping by the whale, Jon saw 2 or three big sharks deep in the water. On the 3rd circle around the whale, she came.

“Oh my goodness – it’s a great white!”

The massive shark, easily the width of the boat, circled us curiously as the entire crew watched in awe of its size and grace.

While the length was impressive; the girth was unbelievable and the back of the shark was the size of a 4-by-8! It showed no fear of the boat, watching us as we watched it. Like a dog marking its spot, the shark moved in to the whale, powered its head clear of the water and took a number of massive bites, each one leaving a 4 foot wide circle on the dead whale. As if it was showing off, the shark rolled onto its side, letting us see its white belly and the underside of its pectoral fins. Its span was easily 8 feet wide!

Every week with the sharks! We can’t be far off from the first attack, I can feel it in the air. This thing was casually biting 4 foot chunks out of a whale? Oh, no biggie, just a mosquito bite.

How many of these killing machines do humans need to flirt with on a regular basis before we start installing shark nets? A nice big circle around the entire Cape should do just fine. Maybe we could keep the seaweed out while we are at it. How about a giant cement wall? Let’s turn Cape Cod waters into a giant wave pool, maybe throw a few water slides in here and there.

At least then we don’t have to worry about Cape Wind’s impact on sea life. The windmills will be in a giant water park. The worst that could happen is that maybe a bunch of fat people from Wareham congregate on the bases of them creating big ghetto human/seal islands.

Patch – State lawmakers will consider legislation that would prohibit employers from requiring workers or job seekers to give up their social media user name and password information.

State Sen. Cynthia S. Creem, D-Newton, filed a bill that would provide protections for workers when it comes to their social media accounts.

“Employers … shouldn’t demand applicants turn over social media passwords as a condition of acceptance,” Creem has said.

Maryland in 2012 was the first state to pass such legislation after a state employee said he was required to give up his Facebook password, according to USA Today.

Since then, at least 28 states have considered similar anti-snooping legislation.

The Associated Press reported the Massachusetts Senate will soon consider Creem’s bill.

Is this real? I’m pretty sure this is real. What the hell kind of shit is this? This would be like companies demanding access to your medicine cabinet, or your text messages. Actually, it’s more like your boss legally being able to crawl inside of your head. Is nothing sacred?

Wait a second. Does this mean I can legally demand The Glitter Ginger’s Facebook password? I’m so torn. On one hand, it would probably be hilarious to see her late night interactions with random dudes and how she handles stalkers. On the other hand, some things can’t be unseen, and who knows how many forgotten pics Nintendo No Friendo has sent of himself tea bagging a Legend of Zelda doll?

Anyway, everyone make sure you delete those private messages from your Opium dealer and the dick pic that Rick from accounting sent you after the Christmas party. You never know when your boss might feel like perusing your Facebook dashboard!