I have never been in a parade before.  I almost always have a camera with me.  I am pretty certain these two facts conspired against my better judgement to avoid holiday cheer and landed me on The Real Cape, 51st Annual Falmouth Christmas parade float last week.

If you have never been in a parade, I now have a couple of recommendations:  Get your act together, it’s time you get your butt into a parade.  Get a pony.  Start a dance troupe.  Find something.  Attract some fun loving, hard working, eccentric brethren.  Get a band- from experience Boombasnap would be a perfect choice.  If you really want to knock it out of the park recruit the ladies of the local burlesque group.  Submit your parading application.  Go.  March.  Ride. Wave. You will be glad you did.

This being my first parade witnessed from the inside out, I can now share with you some of the things you will see as you walk down the center of your community: Joy, wonderment, befuddled amazement and lastly the support and love of your Real neighbors.  See for yourself!

The full set of images can be found at the benshotme Facebook page by clicking here.

 

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You are cordially invited to celebrate the fifth birthday of Boombasnap tonight at The Beach House. It is sure to be a raucous affair with all kinds of merriment, including, but not limited to, dancing, drinking, and other assorted tomfoolery. Bring your A game, because there will be a test at the end of the night to gauge how hard you partied.

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Post by West Tisbury Police Department.

Martha’s Vineyard Problems:

“We can’t seem to keep our horse out of the swimming pool!”

How about the guy that eats the tree at the end of the video when the horse gets out of the pool? There’s reason #487 to not be a public servant.

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Credit Brian Morris/WCAI

WCAI – As he scratched at his enclosure in the back of a station wagon, it was clear that Scout was anxious to be let out. The seal pup is named for the boat owned by Cape Cod Canal builder August Belmont. He was found on Sandy Neck beach in October, said Kathy Zygzebski, the National Marine Life Center’s Executive Director.

“He originally came in at the beginning of October with flipper lacerations, severe respiratory issues, malnourished and dehydrated,” she said. “If he wasn’t eating fish properly, if he wasn’t being very successful at catching fish. It looks like perhaps he had a run-in with a shark or with something in the environment that caused his flipper lacerations. So just getting a little bit sick, and then didn’t have enough blubber reserves and enough size on him to really improve.”

Under the care of the National Marine Life Center, Scout’s health has steadily rebounded over the last two months. At 10 AM on a recent morning, Marine Life Center personnel each grabbed a corner of the small enclosure and walked Scout down the path towards the beach.

Such a great story. Scout has been nursed back to health after a run in with a shark and he was released back into… well… into this:

For those of you that don’t know, those are some recent pings from the tagged Great White Sharks that have been swimming around the Cape as late as yesterday. I repeat, those are just the tagged sharks…

RIP Scout, you were a good seal.

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Orleans Police Facebook – Finally, “Facebook Cop Friday” Folks, have Fun. Say that five times fast.

You are called to a residence for a report that a resident would like advice regarding an ex-boyfriend. Upon arrival you meet with Paula Jones. Jones informs you that she and her ex-boyfriend, Sam Strahan, had broken up several weeks ago.

Jones explains that she hasn’t seen Strahan since the breakup, but that he has been trying to get in touch with her to get back together. Jones states that over the past several weeks, Strahan has called, texted, and emailed her and left messages. Jones also informs you that the communications have all occurred during the day while she is working, and it has become annoying.

You ask Jones about the context of the communications, and she tells you that Strahan keeps asking if they can get together to talk, and that he loves her and can’t imagine being with anyone else. You ask Jones if she has spoken directly with Strahan, and she tells you she has only responded to his text messages, telling Strahan she was not interesting in getting back together.

You ask Jones when the last time she received any communication from Strahan, and she stated today. Jones explains that Strahan had called and texted 11 times in a span of four hours, and all were centered on his desire to get back together.

What can you do?

I have no idea what you can do as a cop in this situation, but I’ll tell you what you should do. You should get Paula’s number and take her out for sushi ASAP because I guarantee you that she is an absolute freak in the sack. Sam is calling 11 times in 4 hours for a reason, and it’s not because she’s a great listener. It’s because Paula has a magic vagina.

Plus, you’re really killing two birds with one stone if you think about it. Sam will stop bothering her if she’s dating a cop, and you get to find out what kind of moves she was doing behind closed doors to turn him into such a clingy little bitch to begin with. It’s a win, win situation for everybody really… except for Sam, Sam loses this one.

P.S. And that ladies and gentlemen, is why I am not a police officer.

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Great googly moogly! That’s how they paint the bridges!? I’m not really sure how I thought they did it, but I figured there was scaffolding and spray guns involved somehow. Turns out it’s just three Brazilian dudes crawling around up there with buckets and rollers. They paint the Sagamore bridge the exact same way you paint your deck, it’s just 134 feet higher off the ground. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to do that job, I was holding onto my laptop for dear life just watching the video.

P.S. I almost shit myself when I heard that noise at the 26 second mark.

P.P.S. Obligatory Cape joke: “Do you know how many painting contractors there are on Cape Cod?… …A Brazilian.”

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MVTimes.com – Virginia Woolf famously wrote, “One cannot think well, sleep well, or love well, if one has not dined well.” A shared meal, in the company of conversation and friends, nourishes our humanity and sustains our culture. For seven Martha’s Vineyard Regional High School students, learning to dine well is the keystone in an innovative social skills curriculum created by school guidance counselor, Sharon Engler, and generously buttressed by upscale Island restaurants.

No convincing was necessary –– Atria, Sharky’s, Offshore Ale, State Road Restaurant, and The Wharf Pub answered enthusiastically. Ms. Engler said she was humbled by the immediate support she received. “Every single restaurant owner I spoke with was immediately onboard: within the first few seconds of my explaining the project, they all kept saying how they wanted to be there for our kids, to support them,” she said, adding that the generosity of restaurant owners donating the entire meal has only been outdone by their willingness to share their expertise and time.

Transportation challenges were generously met by Bluefish Taxi Company, which donated a portion of the costs.

Talk about Vineyard Problems. In most places when kids display a little social awkwardness they throw a few Xanax down their throats and tell them to join the debate team to find a few friends. Not on Martha’s Vineyard though. Over there if you get a little nervous around people they throw you and a couple of other kids in a free taxi and comp you a meal at a nice restaurant like you’re Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.

One day you’re a socially awkward geek, the next day you’re being ushered through the kitchen to the VIP table and Sammy Davis Jr. is sending you bottles of wine. Tough life over there on The Vineyard.

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