Cracked – Beginning in the ’30s and running all the way up until the 1970s, stag magazines were outlets for the frustrated masculinity of men returning from wartime only to find that their new foes were squeaky hinges and their most thrilling conquest was crabgrass. They needed excitement so badly that they didn’t care if it was vicarious or insane. And thus entered the stag mags: Their modus operandi was to commission an eye-catching painting first, and then hire a writer to pen a “true story” that synced up with the tantalizing image.

Just a little more proof that things used to be way cooler than they are now. Well, I could probably do without the flesh ripping weasels, but definitely bring back the sin happy vacationists to overrun Cape Cod!

P.S. “Can women justify their need for extra-marital relations” sounds like an interesting article as well, gotta love the olden days.

thanks to brian for the link

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Apparently this thing has been chilling out on Higgins Crowell Road in Yarmouth for the past few days. I don’t know what the hell it is and I don’t want to know, but if I were you I’d stay far, far away from it.

P.S. The funny part is that whatever this thing is it at least has the decency to stay on the side of the road. Unlike those douchebags on 93 this morning that decided the way to fight racism is to make everyone late for work.

thanks to Dennis for the pic

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CapeNews.net – Mashpee schools will offer a new language program next year.

The Mashpee School Committee unanimously approved a new program of studies for the Mashpee Middle/High School that, among other changes, will establish the beginnings of a Mandarin program, a Chinese language that more than 1 billion people in the world speak. The program will expand upon the two languages offered at the high school, French and Spanish. Superintendent Brian A. Hyde said that there is a need for additional language classes at the high school level as both offerings are heavily attended.

Smart move. Besides the fact that China is a global economic superpower and knowing the language is a big advantage in any international business. It makes more sense to learn Mandarin than French even if you never leave your hometown. I’d learn it  just for ordering at restaurants.

Think about it, if you go into a bistro, it doesn’t matter one bit if you order haricot vert and pommes frites or green beans and french fries, you’re gonna get the same thing either way. But if you roll up on the Shanghai and bust out your order in Mandarin they will probably be so excited to hear their native tongue that they’ll go into some secret top shelf room and get you a pu pu platter without Shar Pei in it. Plus, you can order your cocaine as loud as you want and nobody will know, which is nice.

 

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CapeNews.net – Oak and Ember, the sixth restaurant in seven years to occupy the same space at South Cape Village in Mashpee, will be closing on Saturday, January 17.

Robert V. Catania, the owner of the city-style steakhouse and whiskey bar which opened in late 2013, plans on transforming the space into El Colibri, a casual Mexican restaurant with a Spanish influence.

The new restaurant is expected to open in February, after some minor cosmetic interior renovations are completed.

Seven different restaurants in seven years in the same location? I think it’s safe to say that spot is cursed. There’s been some good places there too. Heather’s food was top notch, Bill Zammer had a restaurant there and he has a pretty good track record, and the list goes on. But everything has failed within a year? Well, I guess if you can’t make enough money with ultra high quality expensive food you might as well give some rice, beans and tortillas a try right? Gonna have to sell a lot of enchiladas to pay that rent.

You can’t think too far ahead these days, so we pooled some money together for a little grand opening gift for the new Mexican restaurant in Mashpee…

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BPD Facebook – The Bourne Police Department is seeking any information regarding the identity of the male pictured in the following photographs. Since November, the male is suspected of stealing credit cards from the purses of individuals shopping at Market Basket in Sagamore on several separate occasions. He then uses the stolen credit cards to purchase items at other area businesses. The most recent incident occurred today, January 13, 2015.

The black male is completely bald and has been possibly observed driving a white sedan that appeared to be an early 2000’s Chevrolet Cavalier or similar vehicle. The same male is suspected in similar crimes across southeastern Massachusetts.

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Cats Under The Stars brings you the songs of the Jerry Garcia Band with authenticity. With a stunning live performance and a front man that has been dubbed “Jerry Jr.”, Cats Under The Stars is the real deal!

Their remarkable sound caused David Kemper, Drummer of Jerry Garcia Band to say, “I think your band is at the top of the heap of JGB inspired bands. Zach plays more like ol’ Jer than anyone I’ve heard, and you all treat songs very much as we tried to do so many years ago. Best of luck to you all, with respect, David Kemper”.

Oh yeah we are getting our Jerry on this weekend. What a great way to follow up our epic Wailers show huh? Good people, good vibes and some good old fashioned, down home, face melting with the premier Jerry Garcia Tribute Band out there today. The best part? It’s free. That’s right FREE. Head on down to The Beach House this Saturday and forget about old man winter for a few hours. If you haven’t been to a Real Cape party yet, then you are long overdue, just ask someone who has and you’ll find out real quick that they are always a great experience.

Make sure to join the event page HERE and you just might get a nice surprise at the show.

P.S. What’s the best thing about a JGB tribute band? No chance of a 20 minute looks like rain from short shorts.

h/t to Billy the One for putting this together

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CapeCodOnline.com – A Hyannis man was ordered to wear a GPS tracking device for two years and is to be confined to his home for six months after he pleaded guilty to masturbating in the Cape Cod Mall parking lot in August 2014, according to police and court documents.

A woman told police that a man, who was later identified as Lombardi, drove a sport utility vehicle while holding up a phone and pulled up next to her car so his driver’s side door was a foot away from her driver’s side door, according to a Barnstable police report. She also told police she could see his right hand moving up and down on his erect penis while he was holding up an iPhone in his left hand with the camera facing her.

When she realized what was happening, the victim looked away and called police, according to the report. Lombardi then drove away, but the victim relayed his license plate to police, according to the report.

Oh come on man, like I don’t already have enough to worry about when I go to Hyannis. I’ve got one eye out to make sure I don’t get beat up and have my girl and my vodka stolen. The other eye is on the lookout out for 12 year old heroin dealers, and now I can’t even go shopping at the mall without worrying about getting a pearl necklace walking through the parking lot?

Getting through Hyannis these days is like a nineteen year old blonde from Topeka trying to navigate the porn industry.

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