Warning: Stay Away From Anyone From Whaling Port Village In Yarmouth


We all have that neighbor that we can’t stand, the one we wave to on the street while muttering insults through our clenched teeth wrapped in a patronizing smile, but it never goes any further than making fun of them at the dinner table and maybe letting your dog piss in their bushes.

But today we have the story of Mary C. Dolencie, who went next level on her neighbors. Apparently she was at odds with them over the amount of cats that she owned (crazy cat lady alert!). Mary died in 1985 and she did NOT go gently into that good night.

Here is what Mary left on the other side of her tombstone:



May eternal damnation be
Upon those in Whaling Port.
Who, without knowing me,
Have maliciously vilified me.
May the curse of God
Be upon them and theirs.


Not one thing about any single aspect of her life, just eternal damnation and the curse of god for the people of Whaling Port. This is chiseled into stone. This is not a game, this bitch means BUSINESS! If you are from Whaling Port Village you have to live the rest of your life with your head on a swivel. Shutter the windows, lock the doors and load the shot gun folks, you guys are fucked.

And if you should ever meet anyone from Whaling Port Village… run. Run as fast as you can, you don’t want to be collateral damage when Mary strikes. Any minute they could be struck by lightning, engulfed in flames, shit Mary could send a sharknado and Ian Ziering might not be there with his chainsaw to cut you out of Jaws’ belly.

Who knows what Mary is capable of from beyond the grave, and I for one am steering clear of all things Whaling Port Village for fear of finding out.

P.S. If the over/under on how many cats Mary had is set at 47 do you take the over or the under?

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