We Are At War Folks

CENTERVILLE – Move over, Dr. Seuss. Like the Whos of the classic Christmas story, the Thompsons on Shootflying Hill Road have been Grinched.

For the past eight years the friendly family has erected an elaborate holiday display on its front lawn, wowing neighbors with inflatable characters, a Christmas train and a light show synced to music.

When Richard Thompson flipped the switch to power up the extravaganza Sunday morning, however, nothing happened.

Somebody had slashed the blow-up Santa, reindeer and sock monkey as well as three blow-up dogs representing the family’s three yellow Labrador retrievers. The wires connecting the lights were cut and the display effectively destroyed.

Absolutely gruesome scene in Centerville. What kind of filthy animals are even capable of such heinous crimes? This is a call to arms Centervillagers! Light the torches, grab the pitchforks and release the hounds! It’s time to rally around the Thompsons and bring these savages to justice.

What’s that? The Thompson’s immediately gave up and declared victory for the Santa murderers? Oh ok, well I guess that’s that then. Way to show some resilience Thompson’s. Nothing says Christmas spirit more than giving up the millisecond there is any slight setback in your plan. Way to represent American ideals by running as fast as you can the other direction from the first sign of a fight.

The part of the story I don’t like is that the Thompson’s gave up looking for Santa’s killers immediately. They didn’t put posters up or anything, they just sat on the porch like a goons and made a sign. Those guy’s gotta think ‘You got a Santa. You got a responsibility.’ If your Santa gets killed you don’t make a sign then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking Santa killer.

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