TRC & GG Advice Column: Volume 1

walk-of-shame

Dear TRC & GG

I unexpectedly spent the night at a guy’s house this weekend. I woke up later than expected and literally had to run out the door to meet my family in time for my sisters birthday brunch. I had no choice other than to show up in the clothes I had left the house in the night before and my family immediately noticed and made me feel awful.

How would you suggest I avoid this in the future?

Dear Whore,

Well for starters I’d suggest that you stop going home with rando’s from the bar – haven’t you ever heard of that saying “no one is going to buy the whole cow if they’re getting the milk for free”? Or some shit like that. I don’t know, I’m not a huge milk person seeing as how it’s used to fatten calf’s, but whatever you get the point.

I do sympathize, however, with the occasional surprise sleep over. I couldn’t tell you how many times I woke up on my best friend’s couch (usually with a McChicken), and nothing makes you feel like more of a trash bag then pairing heels with sweatpants, amiright?

So how do I get around this now? I always have an extra change of clothes in my trunk/purse. Dresses take up little to no room, so I’ll fold one up and toss it in my purse with a pair of fold-a-flats. BOOM. Instantly ready and de-whored for family brunch.

You’re welcome,

GG

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Dear Hoey Hoenstein,

This is pretty simple actually. Next time your family has a get together before 3 p.m. on a weekend, show up handcuffed to a broken bed post with one broken heel, a prescription bottle on a chain around your neck and a Something About Mary jizzed up hairdo. Sit down, order a scotch, neat, and then calmly ask them what the FUCK they are all looking at.

I promise you this, the next time you show up at a family event wearing the same outfit from the night before, nobody will care one bit, in fact they will be so relieved they’ll probably tell you how great you look and buy you a scotch.
-Hippie
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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

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