Tips When Dating Someone From the Cape

People from the Cape..we’re a special breed. I first began to realize this when I went away to college and began to notice things about people in my dorm that I wasn’t used to. For example;

  • the girls on my floor had more clubbing tops than hoodies
  • people were hammered after 2 beers
  • everyone had fake Boston accents even though half of them were from fucking Plymouth or Marshfield
  • no one went to the beach or on a boat after the month of August
  • the weed sucked
  • people did things other than work in the summer
  • they had never had someone they grew up with die and
  • they owned makeup

Needless to say, I spent a lot of my freshman year explaining how I grew up and why I was the way I was; not that I gave a flying fuck – which I guess is tip #1 when dating someone that grew up on Cape Cod:

We don’t care about a whole lot outside of making sure our asses are in the sand by 9am on our day off, that our beer is cold and that you don’t wear pastel pants to the bar. Or in life. It’s not that we don’t have other things to worry about, we just acknowledge the fact that life is short and no matter how shitty your day was, there’s nothing the ocean, your best friend or a cold drink can’t fix. Just being near the water instantly reminds you that everything WILL be okay. This goes beyond emotional issues too; to this day, I could break a bone and my mother would tell me to ‘go jump in the water’. Migraine? Go for a swim. Sore throat? Gargle with salt water. Someone broke your heart? Drown them. You get it.

Tip 2: If you want to get us over the bridge, there better be a good fucking reason, and even then we’re probs not gunna make it..

I can technically be considered an exception to this rule since I left the Cape to attend college, lived in Boston for a few years and now reside on the South Shore but one thing stands true: my ass is on Cape EVERY weekend I can get down there, especially in the Summer. We literally grew up where you vacationed – we know every bartender/DJ/band that hooks it up while you’re paying out the ass and usually have a younger sibling to be our designated driver so we can get black out and roll out of bed just in time to get in a full beach day.

Tip 3: We’re never too good for anyone

This is probably one of the things I’m most proud of having been born and raised on Cape Cod. My parents are also Cape Cod natives and I learned at a very young age that you never judge a book by it’s cover, or a druggy by it’s track marks. People choose different paths and end up where they do for so many reasons, but that doesn’t change who they were or are to you.

There are very few places in this world where a Glitter Ginger can go after getting off work, without having time to change out of her suit and heels, and be welcomed into the townie bar without judgement (actually, that’s a lie, because last time I walked into the bar in my business dress Hippie asked if I had come to cash my check at the “spank bank” – Dick) but you get what I’m saying – no one gives a fuck how much money you make, what you wear or what you do for a living – if you can drink beer and carry a conversation than you’re welcome at the bar stool next to me.

So in closing, my advice is to just accept us for what we are because if you can’t then chances are you won’t be around for much longer. Unless it’s winter, in which case we don’t have a whole lot else going for us, so we’ll put up with your bullshit until the summer people roll through.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

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